Comments

You must log in or register to comment.

TheKidsAreAsleep t1_ixm2coe wrote

I think this is a good tip for people with emotionally healthy families.

I deeply regret the time I spent with my dad over the years. He has been gone over twenty years now and I have not missed him yet.

Pro tip: Life is short. Spend yours with people who care about you.

788

asleepaddict t1_ixm7iv3 wrote

Also, spend it with people who truly bring you happiness. Not everyone cares in a healthy manner, despite the loving words they say.

When you grow up with an unstable family, it is easy to wind up with unstable friends or partners. Stay aware, and stand up for yourself.

141

audiate t1_ixm84lc wrote

My dad never came in for a chat. He was either yelling or swinging.

41

IrredeemableJoke t1_ixme7d8 wrote

My dad was the same. When I heard his foot steps approaching my door I'd instinctively brace myself for what's to come. I hope you're doing well. I'm still recovering from the damage it did to me

11

nobutactually t1_ixm9ue7 wrote

Agreed. Wish I could have escaped more of my dad's chats. My life is a much better place without him in it.

21

jackback52 t1_ixm8jrp wrote

This

My dads only been gone for 5 months and i still think about him everyday.

12

DontTaintMeBro t1_ixmd5s8 wrote

It'll be 5 years for me next week. Still think about him every day too.

It gets easier, but never easy. Stay strong!

8

CheezedBeefins t1_ixmfn04 wrote

I feel like ya maybe glossed over the part where he hates his dad.

4

360walkaway t1_ixmdiyu wrote

Thank you. All these tips assume a lot about stability.

8

rentalredditor t1_ixm8m8v wrote

You deeply regret the time you spent with your dad?

−8

MothMan3759 t1_ixm9xxk wrote

My life would have been exponentially better without my stepfather being in it

16

rentalredditor t1_ixmb0at wrote

That's a bummer. I hope you have others in your life that truly care about you. Happy Thanksgiving

3

TheKidsAreAsleep t1_ixmdd1y wrote

Thanks! I am really lucky to have made it to adulthood but I am married with two amazing kids. Life is good!

1

mapex_139 t1_ixma7js wrote

My dad was an asshole and a con artist against his own family. He's been gone a year and I only think about him when my mother mentions him.

6

TheKidsAreAsleep t1_ixmf57o wrote

Yep. He was a trip. Loved to tell me that I should kill myself. Gave specific recommendations as to how he thought I should do it. Asked if I needed supplies, etc.

In public, he loved to say “there is nothing more important than for a child to be wanted” while looking right at me.

3

somethingcool627 t1_ixm5xrh wrote

I second this. My dad came into my room when i was studying for my exams and talked about his life, talked about valuable life lessons and he gave me great advice, at the time i didn't think much of it and to be honest i was a bit weirded out like where did that come from but he died 1 week later in his sleep due to heart attack. I still remeber his words and live by them everyday. Its been 11 years now and i am 25.

He was the most honest, respectable individual i have ever known. Everybody loved him and had nice things to say about him , never spoke a bad word from his mouth. A person to look up to.

209

[deleted] OP t1_ixm7cbn wrote

[deleted]

38

somethingcool627 t1_ixma4kc wrote

I definitely think he knew it was time but he never showed it even in last days. He had a heart attack before and was admitted to hospital for 3 weeks and then he was cleared to return home and recover. After 2 weeks he then had another in his sleep and never woke up.

It shook us all actually because we thought it was over but it was false hope kinda thing. I wasn't so emotional at the time, i did cry my eyes out but i didn't grasp the loss of my dad until much later on in life. I guess when its your time its your time. I just wish he could have lived a little longer to see all his hardwork paying off because all his kids are all grown up and doing great in life, thanks to god.

63

ITdoug t1_ixmffib wrote

This is such a great response. Kudos to you

2

Rubberfootman t1_ixlv790 wrote

This also works the other way around. You only get a fairly short amount of time with your kids before they grow up and move on.

185

grumblyoldman t1_ixm6aru wrote

I remember reading somewhere that by the time your kid is 10 years old, you've already statistically spent about 70% of the time that you ever will with them. You'll still see them, of course, (as long as you maintain a good relationship) but it will be in smaller and smaller chunks as they get busy with their own lives.

Absolutely, cherish the time you have while you have it.

63

[deleted] OP t1_ixm7er2 wrote

[deleted]

53

Wyld_1 t1_ixm8fut wrote

Yup. This. My daughter got married this summer and isn't going to be home for Thanksgiving.

19

Skiller66 t1_ixmcgfj wrote

Man. All of this will really happen one day. I don’t know why your comment cemented that for me. It’s just so casual, how life marches forward despite our protests.

10

kds_little_brother t1_ixmfkx4 wrote

> I remember the last time I held (picked up) both of them, and I held them at the same time, which they both remember, and yesterday felt very much like that.

So you did make them come home?

3

80H-d t1_ixml5ro wrote

It's ok. These feelings mean you're doing things right

2

hungdown t1_ixm2zar wrote

If you could do me a small favor and build a time machine then go back and tell my father this... that'd be great

35

Rubberfootman t1_ixm6j6z wrote

Sorry. If it helps, I’m really making an effort to stop what I’m doing when my boys want to chat.

16

oby2 t1_ixmhske wrote

So true, I’ve told my wife the secret to time travel is having a kid, and even then it’s not as cool as it sounds. Everything just progresses at 1.25x speed.

3

CheeseburgerBrown t1_ixlssyq wrote

The way this is phrased this LPT sounds like a threat.

136

badbardbarge t1_ixltubc wrote

My brother asked me to play MtG all the time before he died and I feel awful for every time I told him no. I still think about it all the time

63

Abernathy999 t1_ixm1gjx wrote

Big hugs internet friend. It is a valuable lesson, but I'm sure your brother loves you immensely and wants only for you to enjoy a good, joyful, and free life for yourself.

24

badbardbarge t1_ixmunry wrote

Hey thanks <3 it’s so easy to forget that there were games where I did say yes.

5

unsbeforeyoudoef t1_ixm2x84 wrote

Miss my dad more than I knew possible. Would give anything for an afternoon with him.

52

Imnothere_goaway t1_ixm47aj wrote

Depends on the dad

48

MuteStarNeet t1_ixmgcdr wrote

Really does

Im closer to my mom than my dad because he caused my family so much drama...not even close to my sisters either so much so i don't have any connection to them because they were almost never in my life. only my mom has really been there for me, the other day i had this realization. when my mom goes will i live in regret because the missed conversations, missed jokes and overall moments. Wondering did i do enough?

we think we have all the time in the world and do to an extent but one day that will end

I got my first pet/cat last year and it really put this idea into overdrive after realising their life span. Its a black cat and when i see something in the corner of my eye i think i see the cat but its some random stuff that looked like it. Having thoughts of entropy when the cat meets their end long after, i might think i see it when it's not there and its going to hurt even now i zone out so deeply i feel it now.

same thing probably applies for our loved ones, i was home alone and I thought my mom was sitting watching tv but she was at work and remembered entropy is a thing

The life tip OP wrote is great but it applies to more the just fathers depending on the circumstances

5

decorama t1_ixm45cq wrote

It took me til my late 20s to realize my Dad was always on my side.

28

FaceDownInTheCake t1_ixm8g3r wrote

If you are a guy and get married, I strongly urge you to consider making your dad your best man.

My dad was my best man because he's my best friend, and I could tell it meant a lot to him. Way more than it would've meant to any of my peer-friends.

15

FoxtrotSierraTango t1_ixmtp7t wrote

My parents were right about a lot of things, but as a kid you can't see it. Yes, it would be nice if I could play the piano now, but words can't describe how much I hated it as a kid. I might have more opportunities today if I had finished college, but I wasn't ready right after high school. A lot of them being hard on me ended up preparing me remarkably well for my professional life.

It's largely just another instance of delayed gratification like saving for retirement or making time for the gym. If you can suffer though actually being with your parents as a teen, you might appreciate having spent that time when you're older.

2

mnbvcxz123 t1_ixluwsn wrote

As a dad, I approve of this message.

22

LauraSolo23 t1_ixmeyzk wrote

As a daughter, happy Thanksgiving Dad!

My dad just passed away last week..I didn't think I'd miss anyone this much. I just wanted to be able to send a message to "dad" right now

3

mnbvcxz123 t1_ixn56rw wrote

Message received! Thanks.

With my own son, I find I am feeling awkward at times because I don't want to be one of those annoying dads who imposes himself on his kid. So I hold back. But maybe that's the wrong thing.

3

Tw1sttt t1_ixm2thw wrote

Imagine having a dad that comes into your room for a chat

20

lovelivesforever t1_ixm41yk wrote

Yeah haha, neither my mum or dad ever did that. Solidarity to the kids of emotional neglect peppered with abuse. Imagining it is nice though

9

bswiftly t1_ixlwdsh wrote

Especially if dad is coming in to talk about grammar and phrasing.

19

PrinceHumperTinkTink t1_ixmci4i wrote

Agreed. Took me way too long to figure out how I could be "busy for a chat".

2

bswiftly t1_ixov7eu wrote

I hope he doesn't have a friend Jack who has a horse. Because one day he might have to help Jack off his horse.

2

DanimalPlays t1_ixm3rma wrote

Nah. Some parents are intrusive assholes. Respect that your kid has decided to do something. They are allowed to be busy.

18

ErrantIndy t1_ixmddzj wrote

This.

If ya gotta good family, y’all should both make time for each other. But you should also respect each other’s boundaries. Sometimes ya need to be alone and focused.

I’m a writer. I love my boyfriend and my roommate, but they gotta respect my writing time for the focus I need as much as I respect their need for focus in their own activities. But we can also tell when we aren’t devoted doing something and THAT’s when it’s time to interact.

−1

fatjeff1980 t1_ixly0un wrote

My sons are both teenagers. I don't go in their room. I'm scared of what I'll see. And the smell is enough to keep me away anyway.

17

mno86 t1_ixm8kqx wrote

This. So much.

I wish I would’ve spent less time brushing my dad off before losing him unexpectedly 5 years ago. He was a good man and just wanted to relate with me, and I couldn’t be bothered.

Don’t be me.

17

BeringB t1_ixly3br wrote

Most people only get this at a point where it is to late.

16

Ahielia t1_ixm16km wrote

Yup, I realised this after my dad died.

4

claud2113 t1_ixm5hvn wrote

My dad used to come into my room just to crack off rank farts.

It was the worst.

16

DeadliestStork t1_ixp54gq wrote

Considering the amount of rank diapers I’ve changed I would feel entitled to do that to my daughter. I didn’t think it was possible for something so small and cute to produce something so foul, but she does it daily. Don’t worry I won’t do that to my daughter I want our time together to be positive and enjoyed by both parties. She did shart herself while sitting in my lap two days ago, it was hilarious until I had to change her diaper.

1

kykyks t1_ixm1m4g wrote

lmao fuck no how about we respect each other boundaries ??

so far he is the one regretting it since i gone nc after all his abuse.

14

[deleted] OP t1_ixm9jb2 wrote

[deleted]

−9

kykyks t1_ixmceng wrote

Cause people like you and op told me all my life i should be the bigger person and forgive my dad for all the abuse he did for my entire childhood cause "he wont be here forever and you'll feel sad someday" but dont give a shit about how shit i was feeling back then and saw his abuse as "though love/trying his best".

Fuck that shit.

Barging into my room and being annoying as shit isnt the way for me to spend time with him.

Respecting boundaries and personnal space is. That would have maybe saved a shred of respect for him.

Thats how a relationship get healthy, not you acting like everything was ok when your dad does a shitty thing, even if its not that bad everytime.

&#x200B;

I wont even begin with the fact that a parent not respecting that kind of boundaries is a red flag for more shit to come.

5

[deleted] OP t1_ixmczvd wrote

[deleted]

−3

montessoriprogram t1_ixmegcs wrote

It’s literally a thread about relationships with dads. This commenter has it right despite the emotional charge. Boundaries are important.

4

kykyks t1_ixmexpn wrote

*goes in a thread about relationship with dads*

&#x200B;

> Nobody in this thread cares about your relationship with your dad

&#x200B;

You really aint the big brain you think you are mate.

1

Alundra828 t1_ixm7438 wrote

Never really saw eye to eye with my dad while I was growing up. We clashed a lot and didn't get along. We were very distant.

He didn't get me, and I didn't get him. Even when we started playing WoW together, we still were so distant. Eventually we went off and did our own things on WoW, and even though we were in the same house, playing the same game, we were on different servers, chatting to different people. And both of us were too proud to say "yo, wanna play together?"

Now I've gotten older, he's much more comfortable talking to me and he gets visibly excited when I show up for a chat. It's nice to see that my dad likes me. Get in as many memories as you can boiz.

13

ImRedditorRick t1_ixmaoyk wrote

My dad doesn't do chats.

10

WatcherYdnew t1_ixmfzck wrote

Right? I text with my mum and sister every day and I often think "I need to talk to my dad more he's not getting younger", but I honest to god have no idea what we should talk about and he doesn't put a lot of effort into keeping any talk I do start going. We don't hate each other, we just have... Nothing in common.

3

takeahike89 t1_ixmjzf3 wrote

If mine opens up its only about Hunter's laptop and the Deep State.

2

WatcherYdnew t1_ixmkdtq wrote

I get an occasional "You need to watch this new Scandinavian Netflix show" lol

1

ImRedditorRick t1_ixmn7q3 wrote

I learned very little about life and such from my dad. He isn't a big talker to me/us. My brother's kids? Always available, always wanting to play, etc.

Generally speaking, actual relationship wise and life-advice needing, I'll be totally fine when they pass.

1

PatchyGene t1_ixlulv2 wrote

Someone who never had the opportunity to have a dad, I would do this

9

DiFToXin t1_ixlw969 wrote

yeah i think this LPT only applies to functional families

12

ArdynFinn t1_ixlw86d wrote

I didn’t regret it. This works both ways tho. Parents should treat their kids like human beings with actual feelings or they wouldn’t be annoyed at those lazy attempts

9

lady_laughs_too_much t1_ixm9mxn wrote

I like hanging out with my parents a lot. Problem is, both me and my dad are quiet people, so we just sit in silence. It's comfortable silence, but I would like to have more conversations with him. Any ideas?

9

mountainvalkyrie t1_ixmcd9n wrote

Mine was like that, too. Sometimes even if I tried open-ended questions, he just gave short answers. And once he got older, I tried a lot to extend conversations because I never knew which might be the last. But most of my favourite memories with him are just doing things together - gardening, woodworking, once we drove out somewhere and just enjoyed to view in silence. Having something to do with your hands can sometimes make conversation easier. Asking to see his photo books is a good one, too, because he can tell you the background of the photos.

If you need ideas, just googling "questions to ask your parents" will get you a good list of potential convo starters and of course taking an interest in his work, hobbies, other things he likes helps. Don't be too hard on yourself if he just isn't the chatty type, though.

4

chodthewacko t1_ixme6ny wrote

Ask him what his favorite things are (pick one topic - hobby, place, car, whatever he seems like he kind of likes) and ask him to tell you about it/why he likes it. People generally love to talk about things they love. Hopefully you like it/understand the interest. And actually listen and stay engaged. Ask questions about things he's vague on.

Conversations are two way streets. Hopefully you also find an intersection of interests yoy both like and then you can both dive into

3

tornadoterror t1_ixmhf4l wrote

Any common hobbies? You can talk about it.

Or a tv show/movie you both like. Sometimes I'd recommend a movie to my dad and we would watch it at the same time. We don't talk much during the movie but have a few chat while watching. We even do this while watching the news sometimes.

2

Karnezar t1_ixm7yah wrote

Years of alcohol and drugs have affected my father mentally. We can't have a proper conversation because he's quick to anger, especially when something is meant to be understood abstractly and he can't grasp it and he knows he can't and doesn't want to appear weak or dumb.

Like I told him I made money trading stocks and now he thinks I'm going to be the next Warren Buffet. And when I told him the stock market was down so I lost money, he got angry and thinks like, one person in DC is responsible.

8

rsn_e_o t1_ixmm4ng wrote

Anybody can make money in the short term through luck. But almost nobody on planet earth can outperform large indexed in the long run.

2

Karnezar t1_ixmnhm2 wrote

You're missing the point.

1

rsn_e_o t1_ixmsx6h wrote

No sorry I got your point, thought I’d add the why your dad was wrong

2

spiralamber t1_ixmak7f wrote

Too blanket of a statement. I don't miss my Dad, my Mom on the other hand...

8

neonglowputty t1_ixmbbpu wrote

goes for mom too. ive always been insanely close with my dad but would butt heads with my mom often. she can be... difficult. but in recent years, ive learned to move past a lot of things, dealing with the parts of her that drive me up the wall so that i can appreciate her good qualities. it took time. a lot of it. and she also needed to change a little bit too cause in the beginning it wouldve been impossible for me to do that

but yeah... we butt heads with our parents. if your parent is anything like my mom, they mean well but have weird ways of showing it. sometimes you just need to rise above. its worth it.

8

Weerdouu t1_ixm4brs wrote

What if he's a narcissistic parent lol

7

FierceCupcake t1_ixmcar9 wrote

LPT: Remember there's more to the saying "blood is thicker than water." The full saying is "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." Don't ever feel guilty for choosing your chosen family over biological "family."

6

McNabFish t1_ixme4b3 wrote

This one resonates.

Dad died from a brain tumour in my early 20s. He used to ring me every day when I was at university but some days I'd just ignore the call as I was out socialising or playing on the xbox.

A year after he passed I got a new phone on warranty and only after realised that the voice mails didn't carry over. That was just as tough to get over.

6

OmegaMkXII t1_ixmcivf wrote

No thanks. My dad allowed his wife to abuse me for years, so fuck that. He can go die in a hole for all I care.

5

deepfriedchooza t1_ixlsvy7 wrote

I've had the most wonderful and the deepest conversations with my dad throughout the day. Trust me it's totally worth it and if it wasn't for those conversations i can comfortably say i wouldnt be the person that i am today.

4

villanuevahacienda t1_ixm9ra0 wrote

My dad spent years beating the shit out of my mother while I watched in terror as a small child. This is not a LPT. OP need to learn that not everyone has the same life experience they do. This is frankly an incredibly stupid thing to say.

4

Cup_Realistic t1_ixmb8cp wrote

It wasnt for people with your experience.

0

villanuevahacienda t1_ixmbtet wrote

Life pro tip means a pro tip for life. People have diverse life experiences. A pro tip should be applicable to a wide range of life experiences, otherwise it's not a life pro tip, it's just a suggestion aimed at one specific group.

3

Nearby-Elevator-3825 t1_ixmd4qo wrote

One of my favorite recent memories is putting my two younger kids to bed and my oldest came into my room and we just kinda hung out until 1am on a school/work night.

4

KiwiKal t1_ixmdzcy wrote

My dad was an abusive alcoholic...

I regret nothing.

4

sensitivepistachenut t1_ixlvrdn wrote

Meh, he usually just watches us playing console games for a while and then leaves the room. Usually when we chat, the conversations are awkwardly formal, so he just spends time on his computer and I playing video games with my siblings in our own room

3

RealMudflapper t1_ixlz0l1 wrote

Right, but I think OP is saying; your dad could go in his sleep tomorrow and ten years from now you could be devastated that you never got to know him as a man, not just a parent. I lost my dad when I was 26 and every single day I wish I had made more of an effort to engage him more often. I though I had plenty of time but brain cancer took him at 69. That probably sounds crazy old to you but trust me, it’s not. I was robbed.

10

exploooooosions t1_ixlzbnp wrote

No this one person's experience proves that the LPT is incorrect ;)

2

sensitivepistachenut t1_ixm6ojp wrote

I understand and I'm really sorry for your loss. I hope he was a man who loved to listen his children and do a constructive discussion when a chance would occur. Don't get me wrong, but the thing is, my dad is a bit stubborn, gets easily irritated and never admits he was wrong. And oh boy, when in mood, he just loves to talk about himself, but he also ignores my attempts to talk, so it's a kinda fruitless conversation. I do know a lot about him, but apparently he is fine being distant with us children.

1

Perrenekton t1_ixmfx7b wrote

Not a LPT. A Rant from a father. Or a rant from someone who lost is father

3

kaybeesee t1_ixlx5o0 wrote

Instructions unclear, got caught masturbating.

2

glowstick90 t1_ixlzo1x wrote

The way this is phrased, this LPT sounds like a regret

2

ANON3o3 t1_ixm0suj wrote

> But if your mom does, be double-annoyed!

2

UnKnow_762 t1_ixm6pet wrote

Your so right. I missed my grandpa in the hospital cuz of ignorance, super regret. I got to hold my mom's hand as she took her last breath thankfully. I hate cancer. I now live with my dad as I'm pretty sure he's getting Alzheimer's. If you have a good relationship with your parents then spend as much time with them as possible, ask them about there days, learn everything you can from them.

2

tsukareta_kenshi t1_ixm6vbo wrote

Lost my dad while I was in university. We had a terrible relationship while I was in high school, and we had just started repairing our relationship after 7 or 8 years of strife.

Really do miss him sticking his head in my room while I was trying to frag in Team Fortress.

2

Fun_Amount3063 t1_ixm7cu1 wrote

Why is this geared to only one parent? This sub isn’t your diary. Find a therapist if you regret your life choices.

2

djdan01 t1_ixm85yh wrote

I’d think most pro tips come from life experiences. Hence the name of the sub. And you clearly don’t have to take that I related the post to my ‘dad’ so literally. Clearly many people in the comments have related this post to other family members or friends

−2

Fun_Amount3063 t1_ixmxrop wrote

Pro tips are meant to be rather universal. Again, find a therapist or diary if you want to lament about your regrets.

0

meinlalex t1_ixm7y9g wrote

This resonates more and more with me now that I'm in my late twenties and my dad is in his 60's. Neither of us are getting younger and I'm just trying to appreciate his company as much as I can, while I can. Luckily I still live close enough to him that I can see him about once a week, I definitely don't take that for granted.

2

silvertondevil t1_ixmdjem wrote

I haven't spoken to my mother in four years. her husband died a year ago from cancer. The catalyst was my niece saying he sexually abused her. You already know which side my mother went with.

2

Drewtendo_64 t1_ixmdpst wrote

This really also. depends on the Dad, my father wasn't the best when it came to being sober at times, so I'd rather not talk to him at 2am after he had been watching Nascar all day.

2

navneetmuffin t1_ixmdx20 wrote

Thank you so much for saying this

2

djdan01 t1_ixmesix wrote

You’re welcome. I’m glad some people seem to agree

1

jinxykatte t1_ixme01l wrote

Did you just fucking watch American Pie?

2

keepthetips t1_ixlsn2w wrote

Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips!

Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment.

If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.

1

exploooooosions t1_ixlzfmv wrote

As a dad I have to say that the same advice is true for parents.

1

dreamer288 t1_ixm16qm wrote

I lost my dad in September. He was only 62 years old when we found out he was sick in March, he deteriorated and died in 6 months. We were lucky to have those 6 months in a way but it was still sudden and a shock. It still feels like it all happened to quickly.

Op says dad but it can really be anyone you love and care about. Cherish them while you can because you just never know.

1

bm96 t1_ixm5k4a wrote

lost my dad when I was 5, so i'll never be able to experience fatherly love, and it's probably shaped my life in so many different ways, good and bad. appreciate them while you have them

1

TrueTimmy t1_ixm6ou1 wrote

I remember that last conversation I had with him. I had no idea it would be my last, and I have a lot of regrets about how difficult I was to talk to as a teenager. Was just an asshole towards people older than me.

1

timmyboyoyo t1_ixm7k1a wrote

It is then when you will win

1

xixi2 t1_ixm8xw1 wrote

"Son I want to have a chat."

"Sure dad what's up"

"You're not gay right?"

1

poetic-cheese t1_ixmb209 wrote

Sounds like a threat! No supper for me, daddy?

1

Insect_Jaded t1_ixmc5u8 wrote

Nice try dad, I'm still not giving you the formula.

1

Sizzlemen t1_ixmdbpk wrote

Id do this but every time he does he's shitfaced.

1

Such_Radio8860 t1_ixmdgws wrote

My dad came in my room told me to go buy milk at the store I did and he was gone when I came back.

1

Finchyy t1_ixmdjx0 wrote

I've done this ever since I saw that one scene in Click with Henry Winkler as the dad. I cried for about a day after I saw that.

1

Front_Intern t1_ixme1by wrote

My dad gave up on me a few years back. I gave up on him a years before that.

1

AproposWuin t1_ixmeid9 wrote

Dad here. From 6 to 9 yr Olds here.

Goes both ways. Parrents be sure to look and listen to the kids when they come by

1

badhershey t1_ixmetlq wrote

OP is a dad whose kid hurt their feelings

1

bmathew5 t1_ixmeust wrote

This works great for people who have healthy relationships with their family.

1

ClassicMidwest t1_ixmew88 wrote

As a Dad who didn’t have a Dad and has a hard time navigating relationships with my two kids, this hits. House full of love but not many meaningful conversations. I feel time slipping away for sure and try to engage more. Kids in their teens however are pretty wrapped up in finding themselves as well. Hard to not feel intrusive.

1

djdan01 t1_ixmf7dj wrote

I just got to a certain age and suddenly felt guilty for being grumpy all the time with my dad, when he was clearly just trying to spend time with me

2

chodthewacko t1_ixmf6zb wrote

Conversations are a two way street. A real conversation involves both sides. And it can simply be hard to get that street opened up due to age gap, authority, gender, whatever.

I think the heart of the OP is that if someone is trying to open up on their side, and this is a person who you would like to talk to/know, then you should take advantage of the opportunity to talk /listen while you have it.

Now it may turn out (or you may already know) that that street has nothing but pain. In that case, of course, there is far less of a reason to.

1

Swimwithamermaid t1_ixmfda8 wrote

My mom died when I was 16. We didn’t get along all that well, especially in the last year of her life because she was extremely ill, I just didn’t understand it att. But her last 3 months were the best I’ve ever had with her. She would come into my room and we’d talk for hours about boys and what I wanted to do with my life. It was great and those are memories I’ll cherish for the rest of my life. There isn’t a day that goes by without thinking about her, even more so now that I have children of my own. I wish I could explain to her just how sorry I am about the way I treated her as a teen. She died January 1st. Anyways, life’s a bitch, then you die. Be kind, you never know when it will be the last time you speak to that person.

1

HouseOfZenith t1_ixmfg1q wrote

I wouldn’t be annoyed if he learned to KNOCK.

1

Gunzenator2 t1_ixmfiz2 wrote

I have learned not to regret things. It’s like a rocking chair, you put in a lot of effort and get nowhere.

1

WatcherYdnew t1_ixmfly5 wrote

This is emotional blackmail and I'm not here for it.

1

Nopeitsnotmenoone t1_ixmfqw1 wrote

As a person who just lost my Nana this morning, please, please remember this.

1

jdbrizzi91 t1_ixmfw76 wrote

It's been awhile since my dad has been in my room, but I certainly agree with this. I didn't realize how much those small talks meant until I lost my last grandparent. Now I can see my parents are next in line, so I make sure to answer each and every phone call from them and I try not to get frustrated over little things. They certainly won't be here forever, so I need to make every moment matter.

1

Sea_n126 t1_ixmg74l wrote

I wish I did this. It would've been his birthday today, and he died in April. Love your dad's guys.

1

BAMFGOAT t1_ixmg7o4 wrote

My dad was an addict who ruined my childhood and has since changed, but was not a very good husband to my mom even after the change, and now that she's passed I've been appointed to take care of him. I don't think this rule applies to me.

1

shebabbleslikeaidiot t1_ixmgjz8 wrote

Boy I wish I could have a random conversation with my dad again. I miss that man every day. If you have a good relationship with your parents, talk to them and visit them as much as possible!!!

1

PM_ME_UR_CATS_TITS t1_ixmgvpr wrote

"your dad comes into your room while you’re busy for a chat" - Whats that?

1

Movcog t1_ixmh1xh wrote

This is so very true.

Both my parents are sadly no longer with me, but I have an ex mother in law that's like a second mum to me. Any time she calls, even just for a chat, I drop everything. I'm so grateful to have her in my life still.

1

coffeeearl t1_ixmh2ii wrote

This is me with any family member who is excited to tell me something or a random story, especially my grandma. Sometimes I’m super busy or not interested but I know I’ll regret not seeing that glow/excitement for whatever the heck she’s talking about.

1

allcars4me t1_ixmh81d wrote

This is true. I regret not talking to my elders more. They would’ve been happy to hear me talk about anything, no matter how mundane.

1

lennybird t1_ixmhea9 wrote

Hiking, walks, drives... When my kids are older this is how I want to have good talks with them :)

1

nomadicmaya t1_ixmhi7x wrote

My dad hasn't spoken to me in two years, much less wanted to chat lmao

1

DELUXEBEAST t1_ixmhqix wrote

Honestly it's too late. I never received a good job or well done when I did well in school but when I started falling behind parents were very vocal about it now I tried hard to do better but I couldn't get back to where I was and started to not care and was becoming depressed. Want to know what my dad said to me "you're not trying, I give up". He gave up on me for years all the way through school and even after. Too little too late

1

gflshade t1_ixmhzkj wrote

Same with your mom. I lost my mom 2 months ago and I miss most all the day to day random short conversations.

1

kinderhaulf t1_ixmi4g4 wrote

Dad, I really enjoy these chats but I'm going to need you to give me back the key to my house.

1

ZanyWayney t1_ixmikl1 wrote

I found out my dad has prostate cancer, and at first the prognosis was very bad. This is the only thing that went through my head. All those times where I got annoyed at his dumb jokes, or didn't call when I should have nag at me. The guilt of deciding to feel that way in those moments is a lot, and I am so happy I get a second chance to show him what he's meant to me my whole life.

1

redditwitfries t1_ixmin9n wrote

My dad tried doing this when I was close to thirty years old. But he's never taken interest in me and he's never taken the time to know who I am besides his son. He struggles to ask questions and conversate cause he's always been quiet all my life. I try to be welcoming but it's so hard to make conversation cause I don't know him and he doesn't know me. Any tips to help with this?

1

TBTBRoad t1_ixming3 wrote

Hey dad, if your child is busy, respect their time. They don’t owe you attention.

1

[deleted] OP t1_ixmjllm wrote

My mom died in July. I wish I had respected the reality of this. Instead, I punted the hard conversation, thinking I would have time. Mom and I always had a strained relationship, and I could never find the words.

Don't do that when it's your turn. I cry a lot. And I miss her so much.

1

badcatmal t1_ixmkeix wrote

I wish I could clone both my parents and distribute them to everyone with shitty parents. I’m so lucky to be 44, and in between them on the couch, still feel like I am 5. They are in their 70’s, and I want to hold onto every second.

1

paulusmagintie t1_ixmkre1 wrote

Yeai don't regret it with my dad, he destroyed our relationship by being a drunk.

These LPTs never take into account abusive families

1

retsot t1_ixm227i wrote

You guys have parents?

0

KiwiKal t1_ixmekyv wrote

You got to grow up without abusive parents?

2

Yvanko t1_ixm8lp4 wrote

Actual LPT: tell him you are busy right now and find a time that suits you both.

−1

cybercuzco t1_ixm3hxm wrote

A family friend just committed suicide. He had 3 kids. Take this advice seriously.

−2