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phillyonly t1_iwpsrcv wrote

this happened to me years ago, I couldn't make sense of it AT ALL.

I later found out he was severely addicted to heroin at the time. I only found out, by accident through an acquaintance, after he got sober.

if someone is ghosting people, there's probably something very dysfunctional about them. it is actually fortunate he ghosted you before you met. you probably dodged a bullet here.

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[deleted] OP t1_iwqx5fv wrote

[deleted]

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phillyonly t1_iws8g7h wrote

Maybe it's not as serious, but who knows? I certainly never suspected that explanation at the time. I thought we were really hitting it off and getting into some pretty deep conversations.

I think a big challenge is we had hope about the guy and were picturing our idealized vision of them. It is easy to forget they certainly have flaws (sometimes very serious ones) that we have no idea about. So it's almost instinctual to feel rejected and assume he found someone else. But even if he did, i swear he's not treating his next date 300% better. Everyone is gonna get roughly the same version of selfish and disrespectful; I swear. Good luck to them and I don't envy them.

If he did lose interest or find someone else, he could have easily said he wanted to cancel -- if he were a decent person. He didn't even have the strength of character to do that. That's probably not a great sign for other areas of his life! Just imagine, there may be a horrible credit score, dangerous levels of shower mold, and multiple furious baby mommas... thankfully, you'll never have to deal with all that. You are one of the lucky ones who got out early enough to avoid it all :)

The people in this thread have been pretty prickly and mostly not helpful. It reminded me of an asofterworld quote: "unrequited love is for chumps... walk it off!" Haha. I agree it's not useful to dwell on it, but it's easier when a third party can help point out why people like this aren't worth mourning. So, maybe consider imagining what he could be hiding from everyone on the dating site, instead of just picturing all the good things you thought about him... I'm sure he knows not to advertise his bad qualities and ghosting is definitely just one of them!!

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