LPT: If you're going to a therapist you trust, plan what to talk with them

Submitted by GaraBlacktail t3_z7x0us in LifeProTips

Just did that, made a small list of things that have been significantly bothering me, and it has made the section really productive. It was starting to fall into a pattern of the therapist just asking me random stuff.

In essence that prevents you from forgetting about them, it helps evaluate how comfortable you're about talking with them about certain topics and is also a small commitment to know about yourself.

Just as a note, the therapist prompted me to do that, and also take your therapusts therapist's words over mine (unless you find they're a crappy therapist, but then you should prob seek a new one)

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DroolingSlothCarpet t1_iy8r6cb wrote

I'm confused as to why one would go to a therapist they didn't trust.

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jabby88 t1_iy8sylh wrote

It takes time to build trust. You're not going to trust them on day 1

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GaraBlacktail OP t1_iy8v3ab wrote

It took about 8 months to realize they were shit, I'm not saying to ditch them day one.

Hell, one of the things they did was to bring up sensitive subjects I've told them not to talk about in a voice chat whilst I was at home not alone, as well as generally not listening to me.

I spent about a month trust that therapist enough to do something.

New one was about a week or two.

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GaraBlacktail OP t1_iy8rgcj wrote

It's less you went to a therapist with prior knowledge they're shit.

You learn they're shit after seeing them for a bit.

Prior one pushed away me having ADHD, and wasn't actually helping me at all in the end.

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Prometheus188 t1_iyaa2pk wrote

It’s impossible to know if you’d trust them until after you’ve actually seen them.

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TinyXena t1_iy8m97k wrote

Agreed. A therapist friend of mine tells me "I can't do more work than the patient." I.e. patients need to work on their thoughts while away from therapy, then share their progress (or lack thereof) in session.

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reliks84 t1_iy8nutd wrote

I’ve been doing this for a while now. Your time during a therapy session is valuable, and keeping a list of what you want to discuss helps ensure that you and the therapist allow enough time to cover everything. I think it’s actually a good idea to mention this to your therapist at the start of the session (especially if you have a lot to cover) to help keep things on track.

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GaraBlacktail OP t1_iy8pk8y wrote

They specifically brought it up to me when the sessions where becoming more and more then asking how my week went lol

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petdance t1_iya1lto wrote

By extension, any time you are going to see a professional whose time you are paying for, plan what you are going to say to them.

Therapist, financial planner, doctor, dentist, exercise coach, whoever.

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keepthetips t1_iy8htn8 wrote

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Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment.

If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.

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huh_phd t1_iy9x8ct wrote

I'm confused how people trust someone who only cares because you're paying them

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LinPixiedragon t1_iyci4y9 wrote

Would you care to elaborate? Because I love my relatives but that doesn't mean they're equipped to help me process the shit they put me through.

A therapist has learned to do exactly that, and I expect said therapist to do the job they're supposed to do. I still need to do the emotional processing myself, but they're the one teaching me how to do this. It's also their objectivity that actually helps a lot because they're able to oversee the situation without any personal stake.

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huh_phd t1_iydlxhf wrote

>A therapist has learned to do exactly that

Exactly what? Listen and affirm?

>but they're the one teaching me how to do this

Not to be rude, but couldn't you also learn this stuff, online for free without exposing yourself?

The objectivity is nice, but they just dig and dig - even if there's no substance. Example: a therapist GRILLED me about my tattoos, for almost half a session (out of network and cost me $275) and refused to accept that I got them because I like art?

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LinPixiedragon t1_iydsm4u wrote

That's a fair point you raise, but no. You can't learn this type of stuff yourself. You need a second person to be a sounding board.

Because you need to be able to voice out the stuff in your head in order to process it. A good therapist should then be able to coach you. That bit, the coaching part, that's what is essential. You could do something similar with a friend, or a lover, or a random person you plucked from the street, but you won't know if that person will be able to ask the right questions to steer you in a direction that helps you. It could even be detrimental for your mental health if it's the wrong questions.

Sadly, the same goes when your therapist is not a good fit for you. And it sounds like the therapist you mentioned was that for you. It's unfortunate someone has to get an appointment to get on a waiting list, then book an appointment, have several sessions before you realize this person doesn't work for you. And you have to go through the whole circus again. But that's an issue of healthcare, not therapy in itself.

Also, I would've personally told that therapist to stop being so creepily obsessed with my tattoos. I'd be there with a specific goal in mind, not listen to their Freudian excuses for being a creep.

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huh_phd t1_iyee0q7 wrote

>You can't learn this type of stuff yourself. You need a second person to be a sounding board.

Why?

>creepily obsessed with my tattoos

Oh I did. I asked him if he wanted to see the one on my ass too. He probably tried to profile me as an inmate (guy worked at the prison too). I politely reminded him that I am also a doctor, and told him to fuck himself not so politely.

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