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OKR123 t1_j2d1phd wrote

Be cautious of blanket advice like this. A partner who desires that you spend a portion of time together just as a couple is not necessarily doing it for control. A partner who can help you recognize toxic influences from your family or existing social circles and wishes to help you get away from them can be a very good thing. If you are losing touch with friends and feeling isolated, then definitely conversations need to be had, and counseling may be necessary. A good partner will be open to it and accept that the relationship may need rebalancing. If those conversations are fruitless, or counseling is rejected then consider Ging TFO.


papawish t1_j2d6oce wrote

Thank you for having some measure.

Things like relationships can't be explained in a single phrase.


Traveltheworld1971 t1_j2dbci1 wrote

I have a friend like this who given the opportunity would go out to happy hour every night and go home with a different man every night to escape the control she felt her husband and others in her life put on her. I tried really hard to give her a safe place to talk so if she did have too much to drink, I wasn’t going to try to get in her pants. Eventually, most of her past experiences came out, things she hadn’t shared with anyone (which explained a lot). We slowly worked to help get her to a better place in life and the ability to make better decisions for herself. On the surface, her husband looks controlling, but in reality he is serving as an anchor to keep her from doing the things that she really wants to do that would be completely destructive


Sheila_Monarch t1_j2dwen6 wrote

And “for your own good/safety” is often the excuse given. It’s also infantilizing.


Blue_winged_yoshi t1_j2dqngc wrote

A partner who desires spending some time together is just normal and clearly not what this is about, a partner who pushes someone to open eyes to toxic influences can be great, but this post is about partner induced isolation - This is a scarily common phenomenon that people need to keep their eyes open to.

Suggesting communication if you feel like you are being isolated misses the point that people who isolate partners will gaslight if put on the spot about it before continuing to further isolate. Furthermore, golden rule of couples counselling is do not participate in it if in an abusive or coercive relationship. A manipulative partner will agree to couples therapy and run rings round their victim.

Really this comment appears well intentioned but is much more misguided than it might appear to some folks. If a new partner is isolating anyone from friends and family then leave whilst you still have friends and family to support you because once you’re estranged leaving is 10000000 x more difficult and you don’t know what comes next.


OKR123 t1_j2e8oeh wrote

Nope. Leaving is actually always easy. You also NEVER know what comes next. Even staying and working with a flawed partner, who may not even realise how controlling their behaviour is, is a tougher choice, and not an always wrong choice. You seem strongly invested in narratives of irredeemable extreme narcissistic personality disorders, which are very rare, and even as a disorder there are people on the milder ends of the spectrum who can be helped not to be so controlling and steered away from manipulative behaviours. Sacrificing absolutely everyone's perfectly navigable relationships just because there are some people some people out there that are psychopaths is too severe a point of view to count as an LPT.


Cantsmegwontsmeg t1_j2d5kao wrote

Why is this tip only for the ladies? If your PARTNER is possessive and isolates you from your family and friends, it means they know you can find better.

Everyone deserves compassion and protection.


cyan_reynolds t1_j2dbj0u wrote

Because all men are evil and women can't be, obviously.


edisblog t1_j2dbewh wrote

Yeah. I now understand my wives behavior in the past.


resistantzperm t1_j2d0glg wrote

This is true for men as well. Gf/wives will often do this, isolate you and create needless drama with family and friends. Gtfo fellas.


1OptimisticPrime t1_j2d14tr wrote

Don't worry guys, women would NEVER do something like this.


WendysHairyBalls t1_j2d0l49 wrote

Wow what a great LPT OP should be a guidance counselor because they just set me on the right path


YoungMuskrat t1_j2d4gfp wrote

This is such an irrational over generalization. Some people have been cheated on before, or are just more naturally prone to jealousy. It doesn’t mean you should dump them


000potato999 t1_j2datjk wrote

Yes, it absolutely does. There's zero excuses for being abusive, idc if you've been hurt or cheated on, many have, but there's ways to deal with insecurity that's not just dumping your problems on your partner and expect them to take shitty treatment cause you have a problem. It's okay to be insecure, it's not okay to expect your partner to not have a social life because of it.


Capn--Flint t1_j2d5uhh wrote

Same goes for possessive GF/wife. Trying to isolate your partner is toxic and also a common tactic for abusive people, so everyone should take this kind of behavior as a major red flag, regardless of gender.


phizzlek t1_j2dapy5 wrote

OP is 12 and this is deep.


B00tek t1_j2cwzyc wrote

It also means he might have narcissistic tendencies or fully is one and can put yourself at risk of an abusive relationship especially when stressed out if that person doesn’t seek out therapy to learn to better self-reflect on how their actions can affect others.


Robot1me t1_j2dc6ux wrote

Attachment style issues as well. It can be probable, so trying to figure that out can be worthwhile. Since that means - if the partner is willing - working together and ultimately improving/healing the partner's issue is possible. That needs to be evaluated however and can't be possible nor said for every situation (like the OP's advice). It ultimately depends if it would work and makes sense. In case of abuse, it is less likely and safety matters more then.


Clazzo524 OP t1_j2cypp9 wrote

Thank you! I wanted to originally wanted to include this.


BigFudgeMMA t1_j2d6apc wrote

Oh boy. This thread is going to become a proper echo chamber, because women would never do this to their significant other, right?



_-dO_Ob-_ t1_j2d8y25 wrote

What an irrational and short sighted view of the world. That probably got you into the shitty relationship you are posting about.


erikwarm t1_j2d99f6 wrote

For all the men and lesbians. This also works the other way around!


behappysometimes t1_j2d5bqd wrote

I put 3 bajillion dollars down on this being OP’s last 24 hours.


Mofoman3019 t1_j2dcbq7 wrote

No need to gender this.

Assholes affect everyone


keepthetips t1_j2cw9kj wrote

Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips!

Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment.

If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.


universemonitor t1_j2dcbwh wrote

Supplementary LPT: Do not read quotes from the interent to decide on your relationship. Invest time, communication in it, and then decide.


louekk t1_j2dcssr wrote

or they have bpd


Blue_winged_yoshi t1_j2dpjzv wrote

This also holds for men, my dad is being isolated from friends/family by his new partner and it’s proving really difficult to get him to see what’s going on. It’s a script common relationship tactic, and it doesn’t have a gender.


Sheila_Monarch t1_j2dx40c wrote

Correct. Jealousy isn’t sweet, it isn’t well-intentioned, and it definitely isn’t love. Neither is a complete lack of personal time or lack of privacy in movement, communication, or thought (aka browser history). But for some reason young people, more often than not, in their first relationships will equate those things with “ohhhh s/he loves me so much, we have such a close/special relationship”


PirateoftheNorth t1_j2ddbu9 wrote

The only thing you accomplish with this "LPT" is condescend abused women reading this. Women who knows first hand what that situation ACTUALLY looks like ! The best advice often comes from experience, especially such a complex situation as abuse.

If this was an attempt to show support, then there are much better ways to do that as a man. You can start with educating yourself, so you better understand what this actually means for a woman in the real world!

If your goal was to provoke and be condescending then you have succeeded!