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Rysline t1_j0iuhim wrote

English doesn’t have a formal version of the language like French or German do. There’s no real equivalent to “vous” as a way to address someone or ask for something in a formal and polite manner. Saying “Would” and “could” following a “please” is honestly as polite as you’ll get with English. Everyone you speak to will be appreciative of that. No one you talk to will be insulted because you said can you do this instead of could you do this.

It seems like you’re creating a problem in your head OP, the things you already know are more than polite enough. Honestly, if you try to be any more polite people may begin to suspect you have alterior motives, like you’re trying to sell them something, and not trust you

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Accomplished_Low_265 OP t1_j0ivemt wrote

<if you try to be any more polite people may begin to suspect you have alterior motives>→ really?? I've never thought like that. It's very different from my mother tongue. Englisg is very interesting.

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Rysline t1_j0iwm38 wrote

English is maybe less traditional than other languages in the sense that the main goal, at least in America where I am from, is to communicate ideas as quickly as possible in as few words as possible. You can add a please before a request to be polite, but that’s about as much as you can do. The phrase “give me water” is said the exact same way whether you’re yelling at someone or calmly talking to someone. If you want to be nice you can say “please give me water” or add something to the statement like “please give me water if you wouldn’t mind” but no matter what words you add to it, the base of the phrase “give me water” always stays the same.

Also unfortunately, the people that tend to be the nicest are those looking to gain something from you, like those who want to get your money. Most people you talk to just want you to communicate ideas with them quickly, you of course also just want to communicate ideas quickly and easily. The only people who have an interest in trying very hard to be nice are those who want to gain something from your trust

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yabsterr t1_j0ixfgc wrote

Interesting take you've got here.

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Rysline t1_j0iy532 wrote

I could maybe have phrased it better than “as quickly as possible in as few words as possible” because that makes people think about that office clip or something. I don’t mean people talk in broken sentences or grunts or anything but that English is a lot more blunt than most other languages for sure. No gendered words like Spanish or French, no tones like mandarin, no formal version of words like most Romance languages. English, comparatively, is a lot more focused on kinda just getting the message across.

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yabsterr t1_j0izp33 wrote

I got what you meant, and in a way 'our people' (the Dutch) are very much alike. We are fairly direct and just thank you ('bedankt' in Dutch) is enough to thank someone. You're welcome (alsjeblieft) is enough when you give something.

I think the alternative motives also play a role here. I just think it shouldn't be that way.

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shouldco t1_j0jkd2k wrote

I think it comes from being "extra polite" in English tends to mean some amount of flattery is getting thrown in. Which is also a great technique to start manipulating people. If someone comes up to me and says "excuse me sir, you look like a kind good hearted young man..." they aren't about to ask what subway stop they need to get off at they are about to tell me how their mother is sick and they need $10 for a bus home.

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Accomplished_Low_265 OP t1_j0izdnp wrote

Thank you for letting me know. It's really good information(?) to me. Thanks, again👍

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