Submitted by dirigiberbil t3_zyz799 in LifeProTips
Edit: some really good advice in here already. What I'm taking away from it is to actually be more present, engaged, and focused on the other person. Thank you <3
Comments
hatersaurusrex t1_j28ijdd wrote
Are you friendly? Are you interested in other people?
LPT: If not, don't waste your time by faking it.
IrishJesusDude t1_j28iofa wrote
I'm the last person to be giving advise on this, but someone said before to repeat the last part of the sentence the other person just said and I realised that a friend of my does this and he does have great social skills. It's meant to confirm that to the other person that you were listening and taking in what they were talking about, there is probably a bit of skill involved in what to repeat otherwise it could come off as condescending or dismissive
bufftbone t1_j28iqg8 wrote
Listen to them and don’t turn every conversation into something about you.
Constant-Cap-22 t1_j28jc9k wrote
I second this. I use to waste my time trying to engage more often with people. It would drain me mentally. Now I just engage when I want, and I’ve never been happier in my life. So what if I seem like an asshole, atleast I’m a happy one
Top-Offer-4056 t1_j28jeir wrote
Smile usually works for me
JuliusS__ t1_j28jzrh wrote
Think of them as people.
desertgal2002 t1_j28k4if wrote
To actually be friendly and interested in other people.
runtowardsit t1_j28l4hk wrote
Ask good questions and genuinely care what they say
SonOfTed t1_j28l84n wrote
Be an active listener. Ask questions, find a topic they are interested in, then listen intently, paraphrase them, and ask more questions in a genuine attempt to understand them, understand why they care about the topic, and to gain a better understanding of the topic yourself. Resist the urge to make the conversation about yourself or share your own examples/stories. If they're not an entirely self-centered person they will naturally show an interest in you in response to you acting this way.
walkeroflonelyroads t1_j28lihu wrote
Body language. Turn towards them, don't cross your arms, look at them in the eye, have a firm and confident smile.
Tash11e t1_j28o80a wrote
I have found (at work at least) a good starting point can be to compliment people. If you notice something different (hair done differently, interesting jewellery, nice jumper, etc.), comment on it. Whether you like it or not is essentially beside the point; if it's different, interesting, or you haven't seen it before, tell them you like it or its interesting
dirigiberbil OP t1_j28o9tj wrote
I do consider myself friendly but recently I've been told I come off as cold which was a huge surprise to me. I don't want to be fake but I don't want to stay like this.
dirigiberbil OP t1_j28oi2k wrote
I thought I was lol
desertgal2002 t1_j28t7qd wrote
Always remember that what you may perceive as friendly and interested is not always what others perceive as friendly and interested. It’s impossible to please everyone all of the time. Just give it your best shot. 😉
suspended_in_life t1_j28tnot wrote
Check out the book "how to win friends and influence people"
No-Temperature-8772 t1_j28tymh wrote
Definitely ask the person who told you this to go into detail. Ask what habits or incidents have given that impression and work on it. It's one thing to act friendly, but people will always perceive what's really going on. I know someone who is very polite but also acts condescending at the worst times. It cancels out good manners in the long run.
DueAdhesiveness1229 t1_j28tza0 wrote
Why are you selling yourself this bad?
dirigiberbil OP t1_j28vd2d wrote
Cause I'm a trash product apparently lol
[deleted] t1_j28wtd4 wrote
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Depressed-Head766 t1_j28xux0 wrote
Look into their eyes, nod smile and react accordingly to what they're saying.
Composer-Right t1_j296ahk wrote
+1 to this. Expanding a bit... Something that helps become a more active listener is to use your imagination to create a "scene" from the story that others are sharing with you. This will keep your brain more focused on the story while also create opportunities for legitimate follow up (by trying to fill details on the scene you are creating).
A second trick is to stop a natural impulse to reply with YOUR Own story and, instead, ask a few questions to get more details.
[deleted] t1_j29e51u wrote
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kdaug t1_j29jdj6 wrote
Quit caring what other people think. It's the only way to become the real you. Then friends will find you randomly. It's weird, but that's the way it works
[deleted] t1_j29jem9 wrote
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wantAdvice13 t1_j29ym1f wrote
That’s a great way to be interested in other people. If they told you something you don't understand, ask nicely why, then the conversation starts flowing.
wantAdvice13 t1_j29yvdo wrote
When people give you opinion, ask nicely why they think so? Find out their perspective.
(Honestly, most people only care about themselves, they don’t need to hear your opinion, only rarely)
gentrifiedSF t1_j2c3mzx wrote
+1 to How to Win Friends and Influence people.
Also look up mirroring tactics. Chris Voss was an FBI hostage negotiator and he has has a really helpful Masterclass on negotiation and his section on mirroring was fascinating. It is simply a way to repeat back the last few words the person you’re talking to you said.
“Do you have a few minutes to chat?” “Few minutes to chat?”
Neurally it links you to that person and it makes you seem very engaged with them, they feel heard. It seems like it would be annoying but it totally works.
lvftball t1_j2cpzxe wrote
Honestly, treat everyone as if they’re a friend you’ve known for a long time.
keepthetips t1_j28ic4c wrote
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