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fishling t1_j1a8x2g wrote

>If you are spying on your SO, confronting them and demanding they account for every minute of the day the relationship isn't healthy.

You're leaving a huge gap between "SO is doing/saying things that don't add up or seem suspicious or have lied for some reason" to "spying on them and demanding they account for every minute".

This is the gap where reasonable action and conversation lies, and your supposed LPT completely ignores it.

Your LPT seems to be written from the perspective of a cheater who doesn't want to be challenged or discovered on their cheating, and also wants to put the onus on the other person to break off the relationship. Win-win from the cheater's perspective: you either get to enjoy infidelity or the other person has to break it off, but without having proof so you don't have to face the accusation.

Terrible LPT.

Actual LPT: talk with SO before it escalates to demands or ultimatums. Also, don't cheat on your SO.

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dpdxguy t1_j1aemyw wrote

Interesting take on OP's post. I took it to mean OP had been cheated on, was suspicious and spied to confirm their suspicions. Afterward they realized that the relationship was irrevocably broken at the point where they were suspicious. Suspicion, not confirmation, was the signal that they no longer trusted their partner.

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fishling t1_j1aiapy wrote

I thought that on my initial read as well, but when I noticed the gap and read some of their other replies, I saw the original post differently.

It's possible to have "suspicions" without losing trust, and for those suspicions to have reasonable and true explanations due to miscommunications and differences in perception. Advising people to break up because of suspicions alone is terrible advice. Note that there is a lot of ambiguity here in how we all interpret "suspicions" as well, which means not everyone is necessarily talking about the same sort of thing.

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dpdxguy t1_j1bq3v6 wrote

>It's possible to have "suspicions" without losing trust

Absolutely. But if your suspicions are leading you to investigate instead of ask, you've probably lost trust already.

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fishling t1_j1bqudp wrote

That was my issue with OP's post: didn't suggest talking or anything, just skip that and go for breakup instead of investigate as the only alternatives.

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jakedaboiii t1_j1ae2nz wrote

Terrible LPT.

Actual LPT: try to be the best person you can be

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SlowRolla t1_j1afsx7 wrote

>wants to put the onus on the other person to break off the relationship

That's... ok? No one is under any obligation to stay with anyone else. Ever. Each person can say "not for me, thanks". There doesn't even have to be a reason that makes sense to the "breakee".

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fishling t1_j1ah9a4 wrote

That's not what I said though.

Of course, no one is under any obligation to stay with anyone else, ever.

But, for a cheater to be the one that breaks the trust, and then say "if you don't trust me, you should break up with me instead of spying on me trying to discover the truth", then that's manipulative. The cheater, in that scenario, wants the best of everything: the benefits of infidelity, not getting challenged or being proved to be a cheater, and not having to initiate the breakup themselves, so they can reap the benefits of both relationships as long as possible.

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