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Wat_de_Wat t1_j69gdrt wrote

I found this video on empathy from Brené Brown to be extremely helpful. It’s short, about 2 1/2 mins.

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Geshman t1_j69fw3r wrote

You can ask questions directly like:

"do you want me to talk or do you just need me to listen?"

"Do you want advice or someone to listen"

You can listen and repeat back what they say to really understand their problem:

"So you are having trouble with x"

You can do your best to empathize:

"That sounds so tough I'm sorry"

Or, alternatively, you can put up a personal boundary:

"Hey, I'm really sorry, that sounds tough but I really don't have the capacity to help/listen right now"

From there you can maybe point them to someone who can help

"I do know of this resource you could maybe try"

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JHtotheRT t1_j6f3wto wrote

The first two on this list are key. A lot of times people venting just want you to go ‘mmm yeah’, ‘oh that sucks’, ‘I can’t believe that happened to you’

Sorting out those times from the people who want advice is important

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Geshman t1_j6f4zvx wrote

Yup, it definitely helps with my spouse. Sometimes she doesn't want me to fix something she just wants me to listen

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JHtotheRT t1_j6f5qos wrote

Haha same - it has helped a lot in the communication with the girlfriend

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Whoak t1_j69knti wrote

Nod, and let them continue. Needs someone to listen more than anything else, probably doesn’t need “solutions “ at that moment.

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BleachThatHole t1_j6brah4 wrote

Exactly. Some of my “deepest” talks that have come up in conversations are ones where I hardly say a word. You don’t have to listen to reply, you can just listen to listen most of the time.

An honest facial reaction is often enough for people to feel comfortable being vulnerable.

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ju5tr3dd1t t1_j69f2pa wrote

Ask them. No really, ask “are you looking for advice or my opinion, or did you just need to get that out?”

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dpittnet t1_j6a12rk wrote

Nothing. Just listen. They likely just need a sounding board to get something off their chest. Or just say stuff like “that really sucks” or “I’m sorry you have to deal with that”

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IAmEnteepee t1_j69e4gv wrote

It depends whether you want to shorten the conversation or not.

If you want to shorten it just start criticising their actions and advise often and a lot. Otherwise just listen and nod from time to time.

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Utterlybored t1_j6a35t6 wrote

Acknowledge their frustration. Empathize that it must be causing them distress.

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bellybomb t1_j6a77ax wrote

What is your aim? To show support? To redirect? Or to avoid it entirely?

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lamelumi_ OP t1_j6a7jkc wrote

To show support.

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HatchlingChibi t1_j6fmx21 wrote

If they’re just venting, let them. Most likely they just need to get it off their chest, plus the feeling of being heard/listened to is very validating in a lot of circumstances.

My best friend and I will usually give a heads up (like, is it okay if I vent for a bit? Type thing) and we just, listen. At the end we usually go “that really sucks, I’m sorry it happened to you” or we often agree “yeah I’d be frustrated too, he/she/they sound like they’re a real peach”. If it’s someone I care about venting, I mainly just make sure they’re feeling that they’re being heard, even if I can’t help.

I try not to offer advice or talk about my own experiences unless asked.

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ImAsuiter t1_j69cur9 wrote

Just listen and don't make the conversation about yourself.

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hazelsunshine t1_j69f04r wrote

I often kindly ask if they want to vent and just need someone to listen or want advice and that helps me determine how to respond.

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Michayl20 t1_j6a8m0b wrote

Listening is probably the best thing.

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ccupid t1_j6aqmbf wrote

nodding and any kind of sounds that indicate you are actively listening. you can also ask them questions about their point of view, how the things they are talking about make them feel, repeat back what they've said to again signal that you're listening to them and understanding them.

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Lauren12269 t1_j6bgccp wrote

Solve or support?

Do you need me to help solve this problem? Or am I just listening and supporting you right now?

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BoomBaby200 t1_j6bih46 wrote

One of the biggest things is showing you understand. Don't interrupt unless you need to and there is a pause, and ASK QUESTIONS.. make it clear you care about their situation. By asking Qs you show empathy. And that video.. duh.

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AgitatedGrass3271 t1_j6cjzge wrote

I normally go with mostly listening, let them talk. Throw in an occasional "mm-mm" or a shake of the head. Mirror their emotions. They seem angry, be like "dang wtf." They seem hurt, say "thats not right." Or opt for simply asking them short questions that would prompt them to continue speaking. "Why would he do that?" Or "what was she thinking" or "then what did you do?" You could throw in an occasional "I would have......." And when they are wrapping up their story a "Im sorry that happened to you" or "wow that sucks/sounds terrible" seem to be good options.

I do not offer advice unless they specifically ask.

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PeggysPonytail t1_j6cpfyp wrote

"That's sounds horrible! I'm so sorry you're going through this." After they have sufficiently vented, ask if there's anything at all you can do to help. Offer a few small comforts (a seat and a glass of water'll do). Be physically comforting in the appropriate way for your relationship. Maybe just a soft hand on their shoulder. Talk calmly and soothingly to bring the general temperature of the conversation down. Then, just pay attention and BE THERE with them. This is what I always want when I am venting, and it seems to work for people I care about.

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Latter-Ad2908 t1_j6cs5ic wrote

Just listen and show that you are listening ,listening itself will give you cues whether you should chime in or not.And most of the time venting just requires listening.

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meltysandwich t1_j6dbbfy wrote

“I hear you. I’m so sorry you’re going thru this”

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Arson_Muffin t1_j6fwkqz wrote

Summarize what they're saying back to them in different words.

This shows them not just that you're listening, but that you're understanding.

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VoltaicVoltaire t1_j6g0zkl wrote

Listen, sympathize. Mostly that’s what they want

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SouthernFloss t1_j6ner0t wrote

I stick to “uh huh” “ohh” and “hummm”

Show you are listening but not much more.

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keepthetips t1_j69chmc wrote

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Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment.

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danuser8 t1_j69rd2k wrote

Just tap them lightly and say “There There”

Source: Big Bang Theory (TV Show)

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pocapractica t1_j6as9rq wrote

Just maintain eye contact and nod occasionally.

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Shizz-happens t1_j6b7nmj wrote

“That sounds rough. Maybe you would benefit from talking to a professional.” That’s what I say to venting acquaintances and strangers most of the time..

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erikaandersen t1_j6d2va8 wrote

I think strictly empathy is the answer for a while, show support and don't try to solve their problems. But what do you do when that becomes all that person wants from you?

I have a friend who has been in a rough spot for a decade all they want to do is vent to me, they don't want to solve any of their problems and there is no "give and take" in our relationship. All there is now is them complaining about their life to me and I either respond with empathy and support or "I'm not being a good friend".

If I suggest a solution, they don't want advice If I suggest a resource for them, there's nothing wrong with them, they don't need a _______ (fill in the blank with doctor, therapist, etc) If I put up a boundary to separate myself, "fine, I just won't confide in you any more"

What do you do when you get to the point where you're sick of seeing your friend struggle or it is no longer healthy for you to just be their venting person?

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infodawg t1_j69j5p2 wrote

Just look them in they eye.. if you do that genuinely without thinking of what you want to say, the right response will come. (Notice I didn't say "the right words will come.")

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questfire t1_j69etqp wrote

"I have sympathy for you."

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Nuker-79 t1_j69diat wrote

Just say “that’s nice”

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