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EggplantIll4927 t1_ja7qyhn wrote

I love that you know you and she aren’t having the same outlook. Kudos to not only being self-aware but wanting to address it before it becomes a huge relationship issue.

Be the hero. Sit down and talk about it. She likes to tidy when done w a meal. Makes cooking the next meal, in a clean kitchen, so much easier! What you can do is find the 5 tasks she hates. Own them. If she hates bathrooms then you become the bathroom king w an agreed upon frequency. That’s the trade off. She never has to do the bathrooms again but she can’t say anything if you stick to the agreed upon frequency which is weekly. Pushed to 10 days absolute max and know she will get itchy after day 7.

Find something that balances out the housework. As you know, it never ends. Good luck.

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murrimabutterfly t1_ja918ju wrote

This is how my parents work, and it does fantastic for them.
My mom is very much a clean-when-you-can type person (minus floors--she hates dirty floors), whereas my dad is a clean-as-you-go type person.
My mom has made strides to be mindful, and after 30 years of marriage, they're about at the same level. My mom does the floors, the dusting, and the bathrooms while trying to maintain her spaces to a good level of clean. They split the laundry and some of the yardwork, and will work together to clean up if company is coming over. My dad does the rest, because it's automatic to him.
My brother and his wife have also established similar guidelines.
Relationships are a unity of two people, and mindful, realistic compromises are vital.

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evileyeball t1_jabys7u wrote

My wife hates washing dishes so when we got together we made the compromise that I will wash all the dishes and in exchange she will be the one who does the vacuuming because I hate vacuuming I don't like the loud constant sound it makes as I always feel like I am bothering the people around me when I do it.

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TVprtyTonight t1_jacbgtx wrote

If you are vacuuming when I am home you are bothering me :) so glad I live with a wife that hates cat hair and three cats. I love my wife :) so much vacuuming.

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laugefar t1_jacfbj0 wrote

Same in my relationsship.

I do the dishes, vacuum, change the bedsheets, occasionally wash the floors, cook and anything that requires tools.

My girlfriend cleans the bathroom, do the washing, and generally manages our calendar and our kid's wardrobe and health checkups.

Grocery shopping is divided.

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realchairmanmiaow t1_jadmif3 wrote

we even split doing the bed. I do the sheets and the pillows and she does the duvet. I hate doing the duvet can't get the technique, she can't lift our heavier mattress as easily as me to do the sheets and she's crap with the pillows.

food shopping I pack it all into bags (frozen/fridge/cupboard/delicate) and bring it into the kitchen and she unpacks it all.

but she hates ironing and I'm rubbish at it / don't care about it. So I just don't have ironed clothes and she irons what she needs. Might iron a suit/shirt on the rare occasion I need one. That's sort of figured out I suppose.

Gotta find the balances.

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princess_tourmaline t1_ja8hxo5 wrote

This tradeoff is some of the best relationship advice I've read. It's jot fair for either party to have to completely conform to the other but this is actively trying to find a happy balance here.

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herbythechef t1_ja8hjwl wrote

I really like your insight on this. My lady cooks almost all my meals, except for in seasons where we bbq. And i just try to step in and do the dishes for her while she cooks or try to do other stuff like sweep or prepare the table while shes busy at the stove. Its a good balance and it really works for us.

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queenrosybee t1_ja8t35a wrote

Yes! If anyone remember venn diagrams in school. Figure out what chores to share in the middle and what each person can do that the other one won’t. Also, hiring cleaning services, whether once a week, once a month, twice a week, whatever a couple can afford is a game changer… i know a couples’ therapist who first asks couples if the money spent on therapy would be better spent on a cleaning service.

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kdubstep t1_jab5yo7 wrote

This. My wife and I long ago settled into a cadence and area of expertise. I’m the kitchen cook and dish washer, garbage taker outer, cat box cleaner and laundry doer (but not folder) and she’s the floors, bathrooms and green thumb. Occasionally she rage cleans and I GTFO.

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LuzBenedict t1_jab6ohd wrote

Rage cleaning…yeah, I scared my husband the first time I did that near him.

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Emilzabub t1_ja9rz43 wrote

My boyfriend and I traded dishes for laundry, still in agreement a year since

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Brainfewd t1_jaa7wz0 wrote

This is the best advice, and it stretches beyond cleaning.

My wife and I have been together for 8 years, we’ve really never so much as had a disagreement on almost anything. And that’s simply because we just talk things out when they come up. Just have to be open minded and willing to see and understand your partner’s viewpoint (which it sounds like OP already has a good grasp on).

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exploratorystory t1_ja9beai wrote

This. My husband and I have a cleaning schedule that we follow. I also hate bathrooms, so he does them. But that means I do all the outdoor chores, which he hates (mowing, yard work, washing cars, etc)

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Lenithriel t1_ja9quae wrote

Great advice. Exactly what I tried to do in my most recent relationship, but I was the only one who actually focused on the agreement we made, and he was free to change it however he pleased....

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Kementarii t1_jaba74p wrote

As someone still in a live-in relationship after 33 years and 3 children, please do what the Eggplant says.

Very early in our relationship, he said in an exasperated tone "Why don't you clean the shower? Can't you see it's dirty?".

My very pragmatic response was "No. I don't see that it's dirty. I'm blind as a bat, and I don't wear my glasses in the shower".

He does cleaning.

I cook, but only do dishes each morning after breakfast. He's OK with that. He doesn't like the way I hang laundry, so he does that.

So yeah, sit down and work out a chore split that works for each person.

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kftsang t1_ja9lyf5 wrote

This is excellent advice! Thanks!

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roll_1 t1_jacel9c wrote

OP, listen to this advice. This is how me and my partner are doing it, and it works wonderfully.

Both partners feel like they're contributing to the greater good while also not going against their respective natures (which, in the long run, would be unsustainable).

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