So i think the one thing that will actually help you is the one thing you said you half assed. Therapy. Go deal with your demons and get professional help and advice on how to appropriately make ammends. Its literally all you can do. Maybe people will never forgive you. Maybe your actions are unforgiveable. Regardless, you either learn to process it so its doesnt consume you, or you need to numb you feelings in an unhealthy way. Therapy is the right choice. If you dont like the therapist, find a new one.