You OWN what you were. Yes. I did horrible things. I was a bad person. I accept that. My addiction was the reason I did those things. Maybe you had a craving. Something that seemed as important as breathing till you quit. Maybe your guilt is entirely misplaced. If you were the victim of abuse, guilt is not earned. It is forced onto you. You can't change the past but at this point in your life (you are 28) your parents are still pretty young, your grandparents are getting older and if you have kids they need you very much. Spend time with your family. If you have no family left, learn to accept yourself for who you were and who you are. Maybe work can be your focus. Maybe a hobby. Maybe love. And if you need to cut toxic people out of your life do it. But what mostly affects your mood is your health. Get rest. Eat well. Love the people you care about. And brush your teeth.