You are not alone. Not even close.

Number one, good for you getting sober, I'm so proud of you.

I got sober for alcohol almost 3 years ago now, and when I was drinking I was a shitty person, no doubt there. Similarly I used the people who loved me, I abused every opportunity I got, and I barely noticed or cared.

That was all 3 years ago, and I'm still working through some of the guilt and shame, therapy helps, but it's still on me to do the work. I'm not talking AA or steps of anything. Just the mental work of trying to love myself. I've learned a few things on my way. Shame and guilt don't survive well in the sunlight, being honest with yourself, and those who you love. It's scary, and embarrassing, but it's over soon, and afterwards you get to be yourself again. It's crazy how much pressure we put in ourselves without even noticing it.

How do you get over it? I don't know, but it gets easier the farther away you get, time and distance and all that.

Let these hard moments you're in right now be the start of your Virtuous Upward Spiral. Do things that you're proud of, and keep doing them, soon they'll outweigh the bad stuff you can't seem to let go of.

I'm cheering for you, you got this!