I can speak to you as the daughter of a now sober after 4 years mother who was addicted to opiates and the same thing for my grandma. My grandma basically went cold turkey after the doctor cut her off and my mother checked herself into rehab. Both of them struggled for the longest time with everything that happened. Both said and did some crazy things. I didn't even get a wedding because their addictions made them tell people a wedding wasn't important, so my husband and I had to run to the courthouse without family because of this.

First you gotta come to terms with what you did. Why it happened/how. You basically need to face up to what happened. When you can recognize you were an addict and why/how, you can then start to overcome the guilt and shame. A lot of times, addiction happens due to mental illness or stressful events. Once you've recognized where it sprouted from it can really help you start to heal. These were the first steps my mom and grandma took.

You need to speak to the people you hurt. You need to listen to how they felt and what you did to them. This is the most hurtful aspect. I played the song "Jenny" by Nothing More for my mother and grandmother and it spoke a lot of the emotions I felt about their addictions and there were a lot of tears and apologies and things became a lot better between us. We agreed to talk about anything and everything and be honest from now on. Honestly I have never felt as close to them as I have after all this happened.

My mother and grandmother both have bad self-esteem like me, so I understand that part. It sucks. One of the biggest things we've all come to learn to help us cope with it is actually being self-deprecating. Like, we joke that "I'm an ugly shit but everyone loves me" and it actually makes things better. I HATE my disabilities and joke all the time about being a T-wrecks/T-Rex.

You don't deserve bad things. You deserve to come back from this and have a good life; a new beginning. This was a setback in life but you can overcome it. Just think of it as an obstacle to overcome in life. It can make you stronger and give you a better perspective/outlook on life. You were a victim of addiction, a mental illness. You weren't thinking straight/clearly so give yourself a break. You're not alone in this suffering and in feeling this way. Just know that others have gone through/are going through the same as you, so others understand how you are feeling. I would definitely suggest trying out a support group or just talking to others. Feel free to message me if you need to talk. I've essentially become my mother's therapist since she hates that they want her to describe her background of sexual abuse in graphic detail every time and it just feels useless for her.

It's a long and hard process to overcome all the emotions you felt during and after overcoming your addiction. It's not an easy thing to deal with. Everyone deals with their struggles differently, but just know that it can take time to feel better. Know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You have overcome this obstacle and now you can better your life. I am sorry you've gone through this and I hope to see you feeling better.

As I said up above, please feel free to talk to me if you need help. Support is a huge part of overcoming your guilt and shame. Knowing people still love you and have your back can really help.