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LPT: If someone starts behaving differently, it's probably for a reason. Be a friend, check on them, and steer their minds to a better place as needed.

OP clearly said two. Get off your high horse

Appreciate jumping in but remember to be kind please

The first lived with me for 3-4 years and the second for over 2

Your post, your rules. Fair call :)

This is a very particular case, but the more general advice is that if people in your life stop doing the day to day mundane things, then check in on them. When people stop consistently doing things like chores, exercise or even just waking up early it's likely symptomatic of a bigger issue.

A good and mature response friend 💙

I made it specific because I’ve only realized it too late both times. If even one person catches it in time to help and save a good relationship, then it’s worth the specificity

Nah, you're absolutely right. My mistake for not reading all the details. Original comment deleted.

Is it something you would want to save though? Something that you have to figure out like a puzzle? I'm just thinking here and I'm not sure how I feel about it as it has also happened to me as well. But shouldn't it be up to the person to communicate what's wrong in the relationship instead of you having to read signs? I feel like I would be walking on eggshells for the rest of the relationship trying to "catch the signs"?

Ideally. Unfortunately , my meltdowns scare my partners and then they stop talking about problems and it’s hard for me to notice the absence of something

What if they’ve never done chores

Sounds like that meltdowns are a cause, might be best to focus on getting help with that.

Have been :/

Its always a good idea to check in with your partner. After all, you are part of a team, they're not just some furniture that comes with the house (and what if your couch started doing something it didn't usually do? You'd definitely check on that, right?). But I wouldn't necessarily put "just" before "depressed". I'm sure you didn't mean it but it kinda comes off like, "Oh no, are you gonna leave me?! Oh, you're just depressed, no worries then. Just so long as my status quo's not affected." I've been in situations where my partner was refusing to get help for mental problems and the only way to push them towards getting help was for the relationship to end (they needed the change to motivate them and allow them to focus). I've also left relationships because I was depressed and not getting any support and being expected to continue my half of things with no help was dragging me down further. Sometimes both things happened at once. Either situation sucks for everyone involved but it was the right thing to happen.

I meant it as just depression, not a bunch of separate problems that’ve been held in. I apologize if the wording was bothersome.

My stresses increase in the final weeks because they’re suddenly not helping out and they’re acting odd and not talking about what’s wrong, and then it ends and everything becomes abundantly obvious that things weren’t okay. My partners have always been really good at pretending things are okay. I think it’s because of traumatic childhoods where pretending everything is fine was a survival strategy.

Exactly. Doesn’t have to mean their ready to break up with you, it could just be that they are overwhelmed with work, or having health problems, anxiety over money, not sleeping well, worrying about a family member, feeling depressed etc.

The real LPT is paying attention to your partner. If they seem off, like more tired, sore, cranky, more emotional, check in with them to see what you can do to help, even if it’s just being a shoulder to cry on or listening to them vent about situation out of everyone’s control.

That’s part of being a good partner.