I dont know if its ever so black and white as either of your opinions. I have a friend who’s bf was super friendly in the beginning but grew up in an abusive family and he responds to any and all criticism or arguments or disagreements with aggressive defensiveness. hes a friendly enough person in any other situation but ive seen the way his family treats him and his response is clearly influenced.

that said.. my friend is rather soft spoken and her concerns are completely run over whenever she brings them up because this guy is so overwhelmingly defensive its unreasonable.

its a nuanced situation. to your opinion youd be right looking at how he defends himself in his family situation as it is totally how this guy copes with criticism.

but on the other side he knows his knee jerk reaction and theyre in therapy to work on better ways to communicate. its not an insurmountable situation. everyone has the opportunity to grow if they so choose.