LPT Request: How to talk to a coworker that took credit for your idea?

Submitted by kellogg888 t3_11dtbx2 in LifeProTips

A coworker of mine took credit for my idea at a big meeting with our whole team. I was right there beside them so now I am wondering if there was some sort of miscommunication.

I am going to talk to them tomorrow and hope to have the most productive conversation possible. I am hoping I can get some dos and don'ts from people here who have been in a similar situation.

How can I go about this as professionally and compassionately as possible without compromising my boundaries?

UPDATE: I got lucky and had a good opportunity to bring it up without it being too forced.

My coworker emailed the team asking for any feedback on the document he was presenting yesterday when he called my idea his.

I responded to him (and only him) saying the document was great and asking that I am credited for anything I came up with or things we came up with together. I used the idea of concern as an example. I ended the email saying thanks for presenting the details and that it is cool he is leading a large project that will result in a lot of positive changes.

This wasn't my exact wording (as I thought it would get weird if I posted exactly what I said here and he stumbled upon it). I felt I kept the tone light and positive so it didn't come across as accusatory. I felt what I said asserted my boundaries and now, if I find he doesn't credit me for my contributions, I feel I can be pretty sure at that point that it was no mistake. Until then, I am assuming that he mispoke or there is some other explanation as I haven't had issues with this coworker before.

Either way, I now know not to discuss my ideas with him one-on-one. I will also be cautious of what I share in one-on-one conversations with coworkers in general.

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kurukuruneko t1_jaautuw wrote

You should have thanked them for liking your idea at the meeting. A “I am really happy you like me my suggestion. I appreciate your confidence in me”. It a great way to call them out and not look like an ass

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wabladoobz t1_jabul12 wrote

I would not recommend this approach. It's a fairly passive aggressive response to what may be an honest mistake.

Better to talk to them directly to ascertain what the intent was. Intent matters. If they hadn't intended the faux pas, then they can possibly undo and clarify to others to make up for the mistake. Always maintain trust with people of integrity when they can admit mistakes.

Even if the person was being unscrupulous or intentional they're unlikely to be someone you'd want to be a target of longer term. Knowing what they're about without embarrassing them publically in a way that may generate a haunting grudge means you'll be in a position to make smart decisions around them in the future. You can always keep a record of things like this in case you need to escalate to others later on.

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kellogg888 OP t1_jaav52u wrote

I really like this idea, thanks for sharing!

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SeaWeedSkis t1_jaaw1ax wrote

IMO, there's not much point in bringing it up. The damage has already been done. This person has proven themselves untrustworthy and you should avoid sharing future ideas with them directly before ensuring you have claimed credit for the ideas with those who matter.

By bringing it up with them you will let them know that you picked up on what they did, which will put them on their guard and potentially make them see you as an adversary to watch. If you don't bring it up then they will see you as oblivious, which may make them less guarded. Better to leave them underestimating you.

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kellogg888 OP t1_jaawpto wrote

Interesting. I was initially worried that not bringing it up could signal that I am willing to accept that behaviour.

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plaid-blazer t1_jabl5vj wrote

I think it depends on the person and the culture in your workplace. In my workplace I think you get rewarded more for advocating for yourself and making yourself seem more powerful and respected, than by letting people underestimate you.

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plaid-blazer t1_jabkvp1 wrote

Talk to them tomorrow and say “In the meeting yesterday, I felt surprised when you brought up idea X as your idea because I recall coming up with it myself. I was disappointed because I felt like you should have acknowledged my role in coming up with this. What are your thoughts?”

Their response to this should tell you whether it was an innocent mistake or them actually trying to take credit for your idea. If the former, then you’re all good - use this as an opportunity to build more relationship with them. If the latter, make it clear that you don’t want it to happen again, and know to watch out for them in the future.

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infamousma t1_jaaodsq wrote

Talk to your coworker and say that you remember coming up with the idea yourself. See what they say and go from there.

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kellogg888 OP t1_jaaxtfy wrote

I think so far, this answer is the most "me". I kind of want to see what they have to say before jumping to any conclusions.

It could have somehow been an honest mistake... I know this coworker to get nervous when speaking at meetings and I could see that causing him to misspeak.

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GovernorPorter t1_jab5xw6 wrote

I like this suggestion. See if your coworkers says that they misspoke and then you and the coworker go tell your boss that it was actually your idea to set the record straight. If they don't own up...I'd just go talk to your boss one on one and let them know what happened.

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Modsda3 t1_jaasd2a wrote

Best to call something like this out on the spot with an even toned "that's interesting, as I recall coming up with that. Mind talking after the meeting?"

You are now faced with trying to appeal to the conscience of someone who probably should have known not to take credit in the first place or stab you in the front during a work meeting. If it were me, and it mattered to my job in anyway, I would set the record straight with my boss by bringing the receipts. I would then have no problem correcting others when the project comes up. Lastly, I wouldn't feel like I owed the co-worker anything and would be more concerned approaching them for an apology or explanation would only open myself up for further abuse.

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kellogg888 OP t1_jaaxitv wrote

Thanks for saying this. I do find I have been bullied at work in the past and want to ensure history doesn't repeat itself there.

One concern I had with bringing it up is that they could gaslight me and say I was remembering it wrong. Now I see why it could be good to bring it up immediately. I didn't say anything in the moment because I felt angry and knew I should step back from the situation before acting.

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Mississimia t1_jacz8j1 wrote

It is okay to be angry when someone steals your idea and presents it as their own.

When you talk to your co-worker, send an email. Make sure everything is written down. Otherwise, they could potentially run to your boss and say "omg kellogg888 accused me of stealing her idea when it was definitely my idea, and she got really upset and belligerent." And then its just your word against his.

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Zombie-dodo t1_jac663t wrote

1 Maybe it’s perception. Check with someone who also witnessed it. Ask them who they think came up with what. If they confirm what you say, your colleague knew he was stealing the idea. Tell your witness who came up with what and when, and see what the person says. Maybe it’s unfair or even outrageous that the colleague stole your idea, maybe the idea isn’t that good anyway. Either way, this will give you the motivation / justification to take it further.
2 Leopards don't change their spots. The thieving colleaugue is not to be trusted and given the opportunity will unfairly take advantage of you or anyone they perceive as a pushover if it benefits them. This is not your friend, or rather, only as long as it benefits him/her. You could ask them why they portrayed it that way, but you are not dealing with an honest person, so I wouldn't expect to get anything out of that. Unfortunately for you, these people have worked out that it can benefit them to take advantage of people who they know will not make a fuss ( aka: a pushover). Tell them that they gave a good presentation on the idea, but that this is your idea and that you are glad they like it, but cannot accept that they pass off as theirs. See what they say, unless they say ‘oh yes, my bad, let me correct this’, proceed to ignore it since the person cannot be trusted.
3 Inform your manager that this is your idea and that you are glad they like it, but cannot accept that your colleague passes it off as theirs. It is part of their job to ensure fairness within the team. By not telling them, you would be preventing them from doing their job as well as they could. Tell them that you do not want to make a fuss, but that it is a matter of principle and also, that you want your manager to be aware of the kind of person you are dealing with. There might be previous occasions this person has done this that you don’t know about. Either way, if nothing is done, this will happen again. To clear the water, offer to send a recap of the idea in written, and almost as an aside, highlight who came up with what part and when. Maybe you can credit your thieving coworker for the communication of the idea, as it would allow them to not completely lose face, which might invite some kind of retaliation.

Good Luck.

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Zombie-dodo t1_jaejv5j wrote

You will probably be asked why YOU didn't say anything at the time. You can aslways say, you first wanted to float the idea with the team, to see whether they saw any flaws or additions, but you got short-circuited.

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DebbiesUpper t1_jac92e3 wrote

I would seriously consider what it is that you want to come from this. Bringing it up could cause negative energy, would that be worth it? Can the mistake be corrected without you looking petty?

I’d suggest letting this one go and take serious note of what happened to ensure it doesn’t happen again.

When I come up with great ideas, I like to be the one to explain it at the meeting. If someone starts to speak before me, I just wait for a moment to jump in. Normally they will take a second to think about something important, where as you already know the idea front and back. Should be easy to jump in and take control. Also, you could say something about how you came up with the idea in a non braggadocios way. Ex: when coming up with this idea I had to think long and hard about with it is that the customers really want and how they could use this process later in life.

Take the path of least resistance, most of the time you get to where you want to be quicker.

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keepthetips t1_jaanvwj wrote

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paxcoder t1_jaar74p wrote

He could've forgotten, or he could have a narcissistic personality disorder 🤷

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kellogg888 OP t1_jaaxzi5 wrote

Hahaha you see my dilemma? I want to bring this up to him in a way that doesn't accuse him of anything while still holding my ground and demonstrating my boundaries.

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paxcoder t1_jaazl7i wrote

I'm not really concerned how you'd sound, I'm concerned about which one it is.

Remember when I told you...? Oh you do remember? Do you know that you said that it was your idea?

Or: Oh you don't remember? Yeah we were here and you said this and I said this.

And optionally: Oh you still don't remember? Mhm.

Disclaimer: I'm asocial and this is not social interaction advice XD

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kellogg888 OP t1_jab6e2r wrote

I would have guessed you were social, seems like you know how to talk to people in difficult situations! Thanks for your input :)

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paxcoder t1_jaci6mr wrote

Well most of my social interactions are difficult ;D

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Trust_me_I_am_doctor t1_jabofn1 wrote

Sounds like you got Zuckerburged. Everyone is giving genuinely sweet advice but no one other than one or two people are being realistic. If you work in private industry, your coworker is your competition for titles and raises. The more good ideas they are credited with, the better they look to management, right?

In this type of environment, the person who says it first for all to hear gets the kudos. Why would you show your cards to the other players before the game starts?

Chalk it up to the game and keep churning ideas. Don't be delusional and think of they misunderstood me blah blah blah. You know what happened. You told your idea to someone you trusted and they ran with it to get the credit. Better luck next time.

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BMCRYPT t1_jacc1ui wrote

I work in RnD for a chemical company, I am filing several new patents each year. My position on the raised point is that if someone push forward my idea this is positive. We will then negotiate later who contributes and who should be mentioned as inventor but, beside this, to me is important that good ideas are valorized. What if, it is only your idea and the company will go for another route?! Best wishes ;)

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WorkMeBaby1MoreTime t1_jacjkgy wrote

With an ax?

They're obviously Satan and know what they did, are happy about it and don't give 2 shits that you're mad about it. I would suggest, whispering in their ear something pleasant like, "Have you ever caught fire? Because that's what you have to look forward to if you pull that shit again."

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greenlungs604 t1_jacl4f1 wrote

I think it is pretty clear they know what they did. I don't think it will change anything but it is definitely a good idea to mention it to let this person know that you're not ok with it. After this, be careful around this person and what you share. If you feel it is happening again,. Feed him slightly incorrect information so if he tries this shit again, you can quietly correct them. Do this a few times and when they stop, keep on doing it.

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kellogg888 OP t1_jacrqbv wrote

There really are some mixed responses on this post. I think I will just bring it up to let them know I noticed and give them a chance to explain. Then be cautious of this coworker in the future.

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ProfessorOk7426 t1_jabk48g wrote

From my experience it's pretty common for people you work with to hear an idea you bring up and actually believe it was their idea depending on how much they liked it or if they agreed. I catalog them as that type of person and take more initiative myself to make sure they understand I'm passionate/spearheading it

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