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sailboat198476 t1_ix3bgjy wrote

Word to the wise be careful who you choose to have be the mother of your children!

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sailboat198476 t1_ix3bv3v wrote

Replying to Sad_Succotash_9347 (#589,264)

I was a victim of rhode islands predatory system growing up I was in custody of my mom who was an evil woman.

The state railed my dad for money payments everything. And after they convicteds my mom of fraud they made him pay 1/2 of the debt as well even tho he was co pletely innocent

RI family court and judges are completely unchecked with no over sight and can make any ruling without evidence and cause

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March_Latter t1_ix3dhax wrote

Second to Mom? More like third behind the state. I know some horror stories from RI single dads and its shocking.

My friend was served from the ACI for full custody. It went to court and the court shut it down but what did she do next? Forced visitation so he had to bring the toddler to the ACI every other weekend. Kid turned 17 this year and she has been out for over ten years. Not one cent of child support has ever been paid and she has called the state at least ten times to claim he was abusing the child she never bothers to visit. Court take away her license? No. Court violate her parole? No.

Massive double standard.

−1

Sad_Succotash_9347 t1_ix3e5xz wrote

Replying to March_Latter (#589,395)

One huge double standard. I know men who've been forced to turn in Job application sheets that they call and confirm your looking for work (good look to new employers) and I've seen mothers sit there and claim they don't work and get ordered $20 a week. Doesn't really have to pay it tho. Keeps license, passport,and taxes. God forbid a payment wasn't processed on time for a man and his license is gone for 6 months

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jimb575 t1_ix3eiuz wrote

It’s horrible. The System™️ is fucked and totally biased against men.

I have seen some pretty bad shit when I used to have to go over to Dorrence Street as well as stories from friends and acquaintances. I once had to go over to Dorrence Street to “correct” an issue with CSO. There was a man in front of me who walked up to the very unpleasant civil servant behind the glass who yelled “JUST PAY IT SIR! WHY DON’T ANY OF YOU WANT TO PAY?!” He politely replied “Because SHE owes me money. I’m the custodial parent.” Her response, “Oh, come in. Use the door on the side.” THAT right there is how it goes down. They just assume every man is the villain.

I have guy friends that are/were the custodial parent and never saw a dime from their ex-wives even with the CSO. Each time they went to court, the judge or the lady with the ruler (anyone that has had to go to a Child Support Hearing knows what I’m talking about) would side with the women and give her a break due to some sob story. The courts believe that kids should always be with the mother and they give them so much latitude to make that try to happen.

The whole thing is fucked…

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Sad_Succotash_9347 t1_ix3etsj wrote

Replying to jimb575 (#589,466)

Sad. I watch a close friend fight tooth and nail for $20 a week from his daughters mother. Brings her to court and nothing comes of it. I miss $9 of the $279 and they want me in the ACI for the weekend

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Sparkleshart t1_ix3f4ab wrote

Yeah….no. You’re obviously leaving something out. The courts are heavily invested in 50/50 custody unless there’s presentation of evidence which warrants less. Four days a month tells me you’ve got some skeletons you aren’t sharing here.

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Sad_Succotash_9347 t1_ix3fgh4 wrote

Replying to Sparkleshart (#589,517)

Lmaooo no I have no skeletons. Im an everyday working guy. And 50/50 custody? You just make things up at this point. Any parent in courts knows they will never order 50/50 because they can't order child support. The standard visitation is every other weekend and every Wednesday evening. Try to look into things before speaking on em. 4 whole days and 4 half days is the standard. I'd love to see where you find the courts heavily invested in split custody...

−2

jimb575 t1_ix3g0e2 wrote

Replying to Sad_Succotash_9347 (#589,490)

Pretty much how it goes.

Oh, and don’t forget that the $9 will be on your credit report for years. And it’s nearly impossible to get it off your credit report.

So enjoy that 523 credit score for the next decade or two…

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Sad_Succotash_9347 t1_ix3gdwg wrote

Replying to [deleted] (#589,567)

Child support is paid out to the custodial parent. 50/50 there is no custodial parent meaning you're both equally responsible. I have a friend with split custody and CSO was ended the day it was ordered. You may be paying into health insurance but I highly doubt one parent is financially responsible when they share the same time with said child. Not everything goes as smooth as your case may have. I know 10x more people with issues then ones who don't. Congrats on your success but not all of us are that lucky. No need to lie.

−4

SomeGuyFromRI t1_ix3heeo wrote

I’m ten years out from a UGLY divorce. It took two years and about 20K in lawyer fees to end up with 50/50 and 118/wk in child support. The child support calculation is a federal formula if I recall correctly.

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Sad_Succotash_9347 t1_ix3hmbh wrote

Replying to SomeGuyFromRI (#589,662)

It may be a federal formula but what's the formula for mothers? It's never the same when the shoes on the other foot. Sad it took you 20k just to be a dad to the children you helped produce. Some people in these comments can't grasp that into their little brains

−3

daymanahhhahhhhhh t1_ix3hwuj wrote

How do you only get 4 days? I got 50/50 visitation easily.

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SomeGuyFromRI t1_ix3j4zv wrote

Replying to Sad_Succotash_9347 (#589,688)

My understanding at the time was that they plug in dads income, moms income, #of kids, and probably a few other variables. And it spits out a number.. funny thing is that my ex manipulated her income to appear she made more than she did because she believed it would earn her “full custody” it only reduced her weekly stipend.

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twiggelson t1_ix3jl4l wrote

I fought for 8 years yo see my daughter and her mother ripped visitation from me and the courts will not do anything about it. So I haven't seen her in more than 3 years. And this is the second time. Not to mention her mother technically kidnapped her by moving out of state without my permission.

−1

Sonnylowell t1_ix3kg77 wrote

R.I. courts are bias against men in general.

−7

saucyB52 t1_ix3kxrl wrote

am I hearing this right, that the state is taking a percentage of what a father pays to his kid for child support

thats like, pretty evil if you ask me

0

ISlothyCat t1_ix3mkrm wrote

Don’t you have the option to work it out outside of court? Why involve them at all?

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daymanahhhahhhhhh t1_ix3op5c wrote

Replying to anotheronebytesdust (#590,211)

Yeah if you fight for it and don’t have any red flags and can provide a nice apt or home then it’s not that hard to get 50/50. Some people are just shit dads and shit people with dodgy work history and criminal histories and then just want to blame in on the courts. People on social media love to offload the blame and not take responsibility.

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Distinct-Ad5751 t1_ix3p2d5 wrote

Something in the milk ain’t clean.

My husband was granted 50/50 custody (previous marriage, 2 kiddos). We had them Monday, Wednesday and Friday overnights and every other weekend. As the kiddos got older the schedule changed according to their needs; sometimes they stayed a few months and etc. They’re grown now but one still lives with us full time and the other still has a bedroom here.

OP needs to work on the relationship with Mom. Co parenting is key to pulling off a healthy custody arrangement.

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FNicole86 t1_ix3p2md wrote

Replying to Sad_Succotash_9347 (#589,956)

If the custodial parent receives any type of state benefits, the order often includes making the state "whole". At this stage theres no profit its just paying it back. Down the line there may be interest and enforcement and some profit.

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OceanGrownPharms t1_ix3pp3i wrote

Doesn’t this sort of thing get figured out in the divorce?

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suzmckooz t1_ix3r1vm wrote

Replying to saucyB52 (#589,927)

It’s likely a fee to cover garnishment process. If the father pays on time, garnishing isn’t required and there would be no charges for that administrative work.

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PeteZerolle t1_ix3ujxy wrote

Not always true. They side with whoever is in the child's best interest. My daughter has been with me ever since she was 3 weeks old. (She's 9 now). Her mother walked away. Courts of course since her mother and I were not married at the time of birth, started taking child support out of my checks. I fought it and it went on for a year or so. She wouldn't show up to court. So the courts would take the money and put it in an escrow. Eventually the judge threatened to arrest her if she didn't show up so she finally did. Admitted that my motion for relief was true. That I had our daughter full time, had her covered on my health insurance, and my ex had NOTHING to do with her. Judge returned all the money they had taken from me and closed the case.

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_CaesarAugustus_ t1_ix3x2ru wrote

Replying to daymanahhhahhhhhh (#590,406)

Not at all. I’m saying I agree with your assertion that personal anecdotes do not universal experiences make. Sorry, I may have been too vague. There are a lot of antagonistic themes in this post. Yours are not among them.

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Sad_Succotash_9347 t1_ix3xjqs wrote

Replying to Distinct-Ad5751 (#590,251)

I get cheated on. Move out. Get denied access to my child. Go to court to right this and I the father is somehow responsible to work even harder to co parent and establish a healthy level of communication? Maybe others need to change I've done all I can

−2

Distinct-Ad5751 t1_ix4355k wrote

Replying to Sad_Succotash_9347 (#590,844)

What? I was a SAHM for 7 years - I did all the driving to school, Mom’s house, sports, music, friend parties etc. I helped with homework every night and tldr raised them the best I could. His ex wife took our son for 3 brights when my Mum died - she brought all the kids to the funeral.

We’re all good over here, we keep our shit together. Good luck, it sounds like you have some growing up to do.

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Sad_Succotash_9347 t1_ix44d3p wrote

Replying to Distinct-Ad5751 (#591,239)

Comprehension? I've done nothing wrong to have to grow up. She goes to court and wants to fight it because she still can't accept that I've moved on. What does this have to do with anything. Expand on where I should grow up? It's not like she went in and said let's split all time 50/50 and I argued it. Wtf is wrong with the people on reddit? My whole point was everything was smooth because you allowed it to be. If you went in bat's swinging trying to fight for placement then I'm sure it wouldn't have been the outcome it is now. I'm also very much moved on from our past and careless who she is with but sadly jt doesn't work on the flip side. Get me now?

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Sad_Succotash_9347 t1_ix487ab wrote

Replying to anotheronebytesdust (#590,211)

I've filed every motion in the courthouse. I've never been the defendant always the plaintiff. I work 60 plus hours a week. Own a home and have a safe and loving place for my daughter to lay her head at night. I don't have a criminal history. I don't even drink alcohol. If you can see my frustration with being granted every other weekend and Wednesday evenings maybe your just not all there

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Distinct-Ad5751 t1_ix48nyt wrote

Replying to Sad_Succotash_9347 (#591,313)

You sound really angry and bitter about all of it. I mean, that’s fair. You can be angry until you’ve moved on but you have to leave your feelings out of it. I don’t think you’ll like my advice but it’s worth a shot - talk to the ex. Acknowledge the problems in the past and tell her you want to leave them behind. Tell her you want a closer relationship with kiddo and want to co parent with her to make sure kiddo gets the best from both of you. Acknowledge there’s not a lot of trust but you’ll work on it and prove that you deserve to be there for the kiddo. Don’t fight about money. Ask how you can help. Show up.

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canibringmydog t1_ix4c0xc wrote

Replying to Sad_Succotash_9347 (#591,600)

You can see why everyone is questioning your authenticity, though, right? Courts don’t give a wet fart about either parent, they’re looking for the best interest of the child. It defaults to 50/50 unless there are situations that call for another arrangement or the other parent doesn’t show up to dispute custody arrangements.

Either your not telling the entire truth, or you’re omitting things. Like you don’t have proper living situation/financial situation, you have a record, or you didn’t dispute the agreements but there is something, my dude.

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