Submitted by Anxious_Lily t3_10g2fek in RhodeIsland
Im 23 f and I've been in RI for almost 2 years at this point and only really have 2 friends in the area. Things like bumble BFF and other meet up apps don't really seem to work for me. I was wondering if anyone has any suggestions on how to make local friends in person? Even if you see this and was to make a friend feel free to message me and we can agree to hangout some time. I'm just tired of not knowing people and I want friends.
You just describe perfectly the phenomenon of what's known by academics as the "third place." Historically, this used to be social clubs that no longer exist in recent decades. I forget the exact list of attributes, but the third place involves consistent, low stakes interactions over a defined period of time (just like you described).
I think bumble BFF suffers in that friend dates don't have a lot of forward momentum with a platonic stranger unless you have a non awkward routine established like going to the dog park every sunday.
This just got me thinking, what would a third place look like in 2023? Social clubs used to revolve around shared heritage for the most part. But what would it take to start one now?
I'm not asking for you to answer this so much as I would love to spitball the idea and see where it goes.
My friend just mentioned that they were reading "Bowling Alone" By Robert Putnam and that seems like something that might be up your alley if you are interested in this kind of thing. It sounds like it might have some answers to your questions here (though, its from 1995 so not ultra modern).
Im a 22F who is moving to the Prov area from MA in the next three or four months! feel free to message me, im definitely looking to make new friends in that area and im only about 20 mins away now!
Find a hobby and then find people with similar interest
There is the beer club that meets once a month and regularly posts about it.
Free play arcade is super cool and people seem nice.
There are also larger venues outside of providence that are proper clubs.
There are also a few breweries that host events.
I’m regularly in the libraries and they host events where it’s easy to meet people.
That said, I’m an introvert. I’m ok when I have a friend to play off of, but left on my own, I’d rather just chill at home.
I 2nd Free play! I work downtown and will go there after work occasionally to grab a drink and mash some buttons and I've met some very nice guys and gals there
The problem I find with free play is that most of the people that go there aren’t going on their own and usually go with friends already and it’s hard to kinda break into that
I'm going on my own tonight. Lord help me I might just live on the dance dance revolution machine
> There is the beer club that meets once a month and regularly posts about it.
They are meeting tonight at Proclamation: https://www.reddit.com/r/providence/comments/10gyiy3/beer_club_proclamation_ale_company_warwick/
Hi! It's so hard, after school, to make new friends, in sorry you've been feeling lonely! I'm 48f and in South County, haha, you probably don't want to hang out with me, butt of you do, dm, haha, I'm nice! I would honestly recommend trying some hobbies, you'll meet people you'll share at least one interest with, and the worst outcome is you'll take 4 months of pottery and have some new skills and vases ;) the libraries also have great book clubs, and when I was running library book clubs, I saw a lot of friendships begin. Young people like you, new to the area, some young mums needing an hour at adult conversation, and a real mix of great people all eager to chat. Libraries also offer one off programs like Ukrainian pysanky (wax Easter egg decorating), into to knitting, and more, for free! I'll stop here, but I really hope you have a great day and meet some great Rhody folks.
Do you have any hobbies? I have met a lot of friends in the area through my hobbies
I wouldn’t give up on Bumble BFF. Like dating, it’s a numbers game. When we moved to PVD my wife used it to go on a lot of what she called “lady dates”. It was kinda exhausting but she made three friends that we’re still close with ~ 7 years later.
I always get a little sad when I read these as I just assume younger people don't have this trouble.
I think Covid did not help. It changed the nature of how we meet and interact with strangers even subconsciously. I find that even among my friends things are much more clique-y than they were 3 years ago. Like I am the periphery of several friend groups and don't really don't get invited to any casual hangs anymore because they whittled down their core groups to 8-10 people or whatever and those same 10 people do all the things together except the occasional big gathering for a birthday or whatever, whereas before they would intermingle more. Hopefully it passes.
Anyway the rest of the advice here seems good. I think you should start from your interests. Find book clubs if you like to read. Maybe grab those 2 friends and start going to pub quiz if you like that. I know it's tough though.
Super Fun Activities Club or My Social Sports - all good fun and you can meet lots of people!
I second SFAC all day long (www.superfunactivitiesclub.com). This group is much more easygoing and focused on the fun side of things, while MSS tends to attract the slightly more serious/competitive players.
29M living over in PVD. Moved up here from FL fall 2021 and I’ve only made a few friends.
I play tennis at RWP during the non-winter seasons, and am currently learning to ice skate. In the process of getting Boston Celtics season tickets.
Works been keeping me from making as many friends as I’d like. It’s definitely not specific to New-England.
32F from FL here too. Go Gators!
https://instagram.com/ribeerclub?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y= come join us Tomorrow evening at 7pm. Open to everyone.
If you have any interest in playing any kind of sport, you’ll find groups full of potential friends playing in a semi-organized fashion all over the state.
Some good ideas. Also look at Meetups, including fun outdoorsy ones like hiking and kayaking.
Try the Meetups site for any scheduled activities or volunteering that interest you.
What are your interests?
Not sure if you are into true crime podcasts but we have a decently active My Favorite Murder Facebook group called Rhody Murderinos!
I met my bff on bumble bff!!
I recently joined Queer Providence Board Gamers hoping to meet friends in a chill environment (open to LGBTQ+ ppl and allies). Here's the FB group if u want to check it out: https://www.facebook.com/groups/384657613686544
Start smoking weed
RI is a tough spot to make friends. The easiest way is to meet other new-to-the-state people. All the natives already have plenty of friends/family and won’t drive more than 15 minutes to do anything.
rustybullrake t1_j50g2k9 wrote
Anytime I've made friends it has been as a secondary effect of having regular, repeated interactions someplace I'm at anyway. In my case school, work, bars.
Anytime I've grown apart from friends, it's been because there hasn't been regular, repeated interactions because I'm not at those places anymore. Out of sight, out of mind.
Intention isn't nearly as effective as repetition, that's how you get the "oh hey we should totally hang out soon!" that never happens because life keeps getting in the way. This is why post-school is such a hard time for friendships for so many people.
Which is to say, your best bet for finding and forming friendships is to be somewhere regularly and repeatedly. School, work, bars, gyms, religious groups, book clubs, charity groups, etc. Doesn't really matter where, so long as you are likely to run into people you jibe with. Show up, keep showing up, talk to people. Friendships should follow organically.
And don't listen to folks who say this is a New England problem. It's a post-school problem anywhere, and likely a consequence of work taking up so much of our free time and energy.
Good luck!