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alylp t1_jdfxluf wrote

Oh, wow. I am a child of this.


ehalepagneaux t1_jdgtg30 wrote

Yeah me too. I recently had to talk my mother out of getting 2(!) puppies since she already has two older dogs and complains about how expensive their care is.


mainguy t1_jdh3q0i wrote

Same. Parents never got a job or grew up, deugs, partying, alcohol. I became hyper mature by 14, pushed myself insanely hard and achieved a lot by age 23. But the cost was huge, I could never relax or feel at ease. I didnt enjoy life, it was a struggle just get to safety.

It motivates me now to create a space for my kids to feel safe and secure, so they don't have to feel like drowning rats and can actually explore life.


zamonto t1_jdhvlaw wrote

Kinda fucks you up inside, having to be the adult in the family when you're supposed to be the kid


photomancottrell t1_jdisd1a wrote

same. By order of the court I had to get my drivers license at 14 (legal age was 16) because my "mom" lost hers due to drunk driving.


IamToddDebeikis t1_jdgasp8 wrote

Nope. Acted like an adult for the first 12 years of my life. Completely went downhill and now I'm trapped in a state of arrested development.


didthathurtalot t1_jdh3rw8 wrote

Hey! That's the name of the show.


dont_shoot_jr t1_jdhunsr wrote

There’s always money in the banana stand


BL1NDX3N0N t1_jdhz8v1 wrote

lights banana stand on fire

There’s $250,000 lining the walls of the banana stand.




csanner t1_jdgb4k5 wrote

And then, ironically, their children being emotionally immature enough that they actually still act like children when they really need to be adults.

And then repeating the cycle.

And as one of those children now an adult, let me assure you that it is a) awful and b) doesn't have to be your destiny


IamToddDebeikis t1_jdiwgab wrote

Please tell me the secret. I'm 34 and have been in therapy for years (different therapists) working really hard to change and while I've made some major breakthroughs, I'm having trouble with the adult aspects like keeping a full-time job. Health issues contribute but I feel like I'll never be able to get out of this cycle.


csanner t1_jdjq111 wrote

I don't know it yet, but I'm working through it.

I can hold a job but I routinely destroy relationships. I recently read "adult children of emotionally immature parents". It was really helpful to understand what's going on and why, and using that with my therapist has been extremely helpful


IamToddDebeikis t1_jdjqbbx wrote

Congratulations on conquering aspects of it! It’s so hard to do.

Thank you for the recommendation.


csanner t1_jdjrvop wrote

Very welcome

I'm in my mid 40s, it's never too late


AmazingGrace911 t1_jdfygnt wrote

My dad couldn’t keep a job and when he did it was never enough to support us. Mom worked too and so did I from like 5-6 years old to pay bills.

Not a woe is me because while I resent some lost childhood, I learned how to cook, sew, be entrepreneurial, paint, construction, clean, iron, landscaping, work on.a farm, and basically be independent and not count on others at a very early age.


Cookiebomb t1_jdgnxi7 wrote

okay but that sounds fucking horrifying


Deazus t1_jdgqh8l wrote

More horrifying than dealing with supply-chain collapse?


Zeione29047 t1_jdh8r2r wrote

Dealing with a supply chain collapse when most people cant even cook well for themselves anymore is a harrowing reality to live in


Philo-pilo t1_jdifyc8 wrote

No, we need a bottleneck event. Modern society has let too many people who would have died of their stupidity instead survive and pass on their genes. We’re retarding the species in real time. We saw a bit of correction during covid, with people committing suicide by stupidity by turning anti-mask/antivax. Just not the kinds of numbers we need if we’re to have a chance. A couple weeks without refrigeration would be enough to get rid of most of them, especially if emergency services aren’t working.


Zeione29047 t1_jdigfcy wrote

So you’re advocating for people to just…leave others behind? How would you feel if someone else decided you were too stupid to have refridgeration for “a couple of weeks”? How’d you feel if someone said your mom didnt deserve to live because she cant cook for herself? It’s this system that has problems, not the people that fuel it.


Philo-pilo t1_jdilio2 wrote

No the system has problems because of the morons. Look at intelligence and education level breakdowns between progressives and regressives. Regressives are literally destroying the world with the moronic things they hold dear.

Never going to be able to fix anything while millions of morons in red states vote against their own best interest in favor of enriching the wealthy. Just look at Ohio, they literally voted for deregulation and then got shocked when they got derailment.

The world would immediately improve if all conservatives died off. Just look at the states that went blue solely because enough conservatives got themselves Herman Cain awards during covid.


Zeione29047 t1_jdir1nf wrote

Those “moronic things” are what things they call dear. Their families, their wealth, and their lifestyle. You can’t be mad at them for wanting a better life and succeeding, but now you think it’s ok to bash them when they are prioritized over you? Get real, there’s 7 billion people on this earth, all with parents, grandparents, and ancestors.

The small amount of people you’re talking about didn’t kill themselves off enough to have a continued effect you think is beneficial. Being mad that rich people do rich people things is like getting mad it rains. We can sit here and argue blue vs red all day, but that doesn’t change the fact that we have problems caused by all of this tomfoolery.


Philo-pilo t1_jdix6fo wrote

Or we could take their heads. Eating the rich is a legitimate possibility.

And it kept evil conservatives from taking the senate, so it did some good. Too bad it couldn’t have kept them from taking the house too. And they’re not personally doing better, middle America is living in 3rd world conditions and thanking the oligarchs for their scraps. They’re absolutely stupid and evil to vote the way they do.

And they deserve every bit of hardships coming their way. And the empathy on the side with the educated folks is falling by the day. I wouldn’t be in favor of a single federal dime spent on the cleanup in Ohio. Vote for deregulation, deal with deregulation. Hopefully their kids end up sterile and take care of the problem for us.


jacobfreeman88 t1_jdgmjpm wrote

But then you still walk around with all that trauma. So you’re like the neurotic turd by the time your 30


TheLastTrueTomato t1_jdgqyhi wrote

Or better yet, I act like a child my entire life and don't have children!


Kiremino t1_jdh5uus wrote

This. Kids age you anyways. No thanks! Let me be a kid till I'm 90 with all the money for myself, wife, and furbabies.


komaruten t1_jdic1xu wrote

In fact this is the exact sentence I tell people when they ask me why I don't have kids.

They seem to understand it pretty fast and stop asking more about it. I guess they think about how I behave on a daily basis and feel sorry for my hypothetical child lmao.


8Splendiferous8 t1_jdgpfi1 wrote

My high school friend's mom was so much fun. I now understand why my friend was always scolding her, when I was always so jealous she had a mom that was that cool and free spirited.


HidetheCaseman89 t1_jdgyoqo wrote

If you don't have a path to recovery, having to behave like an adult in childhood can result in behaving like a child in adulthood, keeping the cycle going.

One of the hardest experiences I've had to grow through is realizing I actually am more mature than my household. That it was reasonable to be a reflection of the environment I grew up in. Growing out of that mould sure feels like breaking something sometimes.

It's super weird seeing the bad patterns and stuff in others after unlearning it. A special kind of sting.


Hardcorish OP t1_jdhugu8 wrote

Be grateful you're mature and intelligent enough to be aware of it at all! Most people aren't even able to connect those dots as you've done, and they end up suffering because of it.


handrewming t1_jdgju3x wrote

You are forgetting the people who are forced to grow up before their childhood years have concluded in order to take care of their parents or escape them entirely. This is far more common than you seem to believe.


Hardcorish OP t1_jdhuzqg wrote

What do you mean? You've misread my showerthought because you just accurately described what the thought was about lol.


handrewming t1_jdiija4 wrote

Lol, I completely misread the post but left the comment as a testament to my general awareness of my surroundings.


Hardcorish OP t1_jdj0p9h wrote

You made me think I was losing my mind for a minute! I went back to reread my showerthought to make sure I thought it out properly.


handrewming t1_jdj3mwc wrote

Lol, I'm glad we are both sorted out now. Here's to reflective thinking!


preissnschreck1 t1_jdh34ix wrote

I can do both, im a fucking child with a questionable sense of humor but also good with money and with a stable job. Just don't let adult life kill your humor and will to live.


Hardcorish OP t1_jdhu7id wrote

This situation wouldn't apply to you, you're actually doing things right. This showerthought is based on parents who are neglectful due to their immaturity.


Love_My_Chevy t1_jdiinid wrote

Yeah this is where I'm at. I work a full time job and my bills are paid, house is kept up with and vehicles and pets are taken care of. Credit is good - I'm doing all my adult things.

However, I've been told I'm immature and my sense of humor isn't right for my age. I do have savings but if something big is coming, I might scrap a bit here and there because I'd rather go make memories. I don't have any kids and I'm not sure I want them. Apparently these things are wrong for 30 but I think I have a good life. I'd rather quote Spongebob and laugh at ASDF rather than be some of the sticks in the mud I've seen


matias_vtk t1_jdgm40q wrote

Yep, been there ! Got me an anxiety trouble and I’ve been working on letting go parent on they’re own + it builds kind of a « stop complaining » habits which is not very good for selfcare or understanding others difficulties 😑


nothingexceptfor t1_jdgz9ts wrote

that’s one of the many reasons I’m just simply never going to raise children, I’m not a good example to anyone and I’m ok with it


Feudal_Raptor t1_jdh82yq wrote

You being able to identify and admit that is actually a huge step towards being able to handle it, ironically enough.


skyppie t1_jdhchv8 wrote

I have a friend whose dad left her family when she was super young and her mom ended up chasing and following any new man that happened to be in her life.

My friend ended up getting a great job after college, quit partying/drinking after college, and didn't spend a dime doing regular 20 year old things that I involved myself heavily in. She ended up buying a house in her mid 20s and getting married too.


hedgehogluvr02 t1_jdhz2bl wrote

True. Been an adult my whole life. Instead of me going to talk to her about my issues, she came to me. Sex life, finance, mental health but I could NEVER go to her for those.


zodar t1_jdgnuel wrote

nah fuck that

I didn't have children specifically so I can continue to act like one.


AliceHart7 t1_jdhfi2p wrote

And that's perfectly reasonable and acceptable


Thumperfootbig t1_jdh3gdo wrote

It’s called parentification and it’s seriously abusive on children. It fucks people up for life. Don’t ask me how I know this. I recommend r/emotionalneglect


Sleep-system t1_jdgv9sa wrote

You wish. It just leads to more uneducated, undisciplined and immature adults who have children of their own, raise them irresponsibly and continue the cycle.

The person who wrote this has probably never actually been around highly dysfunctional families because this take is idiotic.


Hardcorish OP t1_jdhup7n wrote

Sorry you feel that way. Perhaps your experience isn't the same that others have had? Have you considered this? You're right there are plenty of examples where this cycle continues, but there are just as many where the children had to grow up fast to take care of their siblings etc.
This thread has comments providing examples of both.


Sleep-system t1_jdi65pa wrote

I worked at a non-profit for homeless and drug addicted mothers for several years in the Bay Area. My mom is a social worker. I can promise you that for every one kid who "grows up fast" to take care of their siblings there are 50 who can barely take care of themselves let alone their siblings, are malnourished, extremely angry, extremely violent, having no coping skills, can't read, can't do basic math, can't focus, etc.

And those kids who "grew up too fast" are far from adults. They are children with cobbled together survival skills and often a deep distrust for adults. If they don't seek help they'll usually carry that distrust and trauma into adulthood, and guess what? They don't look anything like the plucky little kid who rose above the odds because putting on a strong face all those years while being emotionally deprived and abused profoundly damaged them psychologically.

I shouldn't have called you an idiot since I don't know whether or not you intended to suggest there was some silver lining or anything beneficial in kids acting like adults. But if you actually interact with them, they don't act much like adults. They act like kids who've had to adjust and survive, manage basic functions like preparing meals or changing diapers, and spend the rest of their time fortifying their fragile mental state. They're nothing like any adult you'd ever want to see.


Hardcorish OP t1_jdi74xn wrote

>They act like kids who have to adjust and survive, manage
>basic functions like preparing meals or changing diapers

Certainly, and this is what I had in mind with this showerthought. I wasn't trying to portray the children as doing actual adult things like getting a job or paying taxes, etc.


Sleep-system t1_jdi8dgg wrote

Yeah, that isn't acting like an adult. Plenty of kids do things like that all the time in a healthy context.

The "adult" part in your scenario, and what is in fact abuse, is that the kids you're talking about have no choice.


Hardcorish OP t1_jdibkfg wrote

>Yeah, that isn't acting like an adult. Plenty of kids do things like that all the time in a healthy context.

The parents are offloading their adult responsibilities onto their children. We can do semantics all day long but neither one of us is wrong here.


Sleep-system t1_jdic1wu wrote

No, you're wrong, but it's only because you're ignorant about the reality of what you're talking about. Anyway, have a good one.


Hardcorish OP t1_jdiesqh wrote

Again, arguing over semantics. I've no time for this. Open your eyes, have a scroll through this thread and you'll see that we're both right. Have a good one as well.


Beepboop_Addition t1_jdhi766 wrote

Idiotic doesn't mean it doesn't occur.

Maybe for a majority. Many people in that scenario would lead to staying in their comfort zones. Then there are others that learn from others mistakes.


Accomplished-Bet1305 t1_jdgywfz wrote

I agree with you. The person that wrote this doesn’t understand that what they’re saying doesn’t equate because children don’t know how to be adults….. However, that doesn’t mean that children can’t learn to be responsible from the outcome of a child parent. But still I agree with you


UniqueUsername82D t1_jdht2pv wrote

Am a teacher. The problem kids tend to have problem parents. It's *rarely* a mature, well-behaved adult who shows up to a behavior or academic conference.

One notable mom wore a shirt that said "Bitch" on it and told me I "don't know shit about her kid." She was right on account of the kid had missed some 75% of the school year thus far.


dangerouspeyote t1_jdi4wco wrote

Which is why I'm never having children! Guilt free permanent childhood!


Leadfoot41 t1_jdhjlro wrote

Which then results in the children feeling like children forever, when you have to be the adult at 8 years old, you don’t notice as big of a difference when you actually become an adult so you spend your whole life feeling how you felt as a child not realizing you acted as an adult the whole time.


venetian_lemon t1_jdh5xkg wrote

I realized how maladjusted I was because of this. It's why I have decided not to create a family of my own because I know that I'll be continuing this cycle onto my spawn. The buck stops with me.


BigPZ t1_jdh5004 wrote

If you raise your kids you can spoil your grand kids

If you spoil your kids you'll have to raise your grand kids


AnxiouslyTired247 t1_jdhsu3w wrote

Nah, this just tries to give shitty people an excuse for why when they were raising kids they couldn't get it together, but if they are just around a (grand) kid they are so great they can spoil them.

Many people become good parents in spite of their own upbringing, not because of it.


BigPZ t1_jdht7u1 wrote

I don't see it that way at all.

I see it as when raising your own kids you have to be their parent and do the hard things to raise them properly. That way when they have kids, they will be the ones to raise the grand kids properly and you don't have to be in charge of the raising, just be a part of their lives


_Weyland_ t1_jdh6li7 wrote

Bad times create strong people

Strong people create good times

Good times create weak people

Weak people create bad times.


toomanymarbles83 t1_jdiag02 wrote

That's why I have no kids. Because I don't want to grow up, I'm a Toys R Us kid.


some_boring_dude t1_jdk79ib wrote

When I was growing up, my parents always said something like: "One day you'll have children just like you!"

Now I do, and it's my dad.

I find myself saying things I heard as a child all the time... "Don't just stand there with the refrigerator door open!... Close the door, you're letting all the heat/AC out! Stop pissing away all your money!" etc...


crazedhatter t1_je4vw8m wrote

My desire to not grow up is a big reason why I chose not to have kids. Adulting sucks! The less of it I do the better. :-P


Hardcorish OP t1_je4ye3n wrote

You rock! I wish more people were selfless enough to realize they aren't in a position to raise kids due to their lifestyle or beliefs etc.


Showerthoughts_Mod t1_jdfuvwv wrote

This is a friendly reminder to read our rules.

Remember, /r/Showerthoughts is for showerthoughts, not "thoughts had in the shower!"

(For an explanation of what a "showerthought" is, please read this page.)

Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.


AllYouNeedIsATV t1_jdguabd wrote

Nah when we decide to have kids we make sure we’re ready. Children are not conducive to a fun lifestyle


Multilazerboi t1_jdh8xlm wrote

That's the point of the post. Many people are not ready and give their kids trauma that force them to grow up too early while they carry effects of that harm the rest of their life


jssf96 t1_jdhfhvz wrote

You actually get children that turn into adult children because they were never taught how to be adults. So they go into adulthood still "acting"


kiba-16 t1_jdhgtdj wrote

I should know. I'm raising both my parents AND my brother also myself since August 10th 2005. I was born on August 10th 2005.


Baticula t1_jdhxbmk wrote

Damn I'm the adult in this. I'm 16 and still act like a child lol


CSpiffy148 t1_jdibr0i wrote

Or they do such a bad job that their children don't even make it to being adults.


awfullotofocelots t1_jdikgdd wrote

It also works the other way around. Those children who never got to experience childhood often have adult expectations of their own children, and then when those children become adults, the trauma of their childhood seems to lead many people to revert back in maturity level because they feel like their childhood was stolen from them by their asshole parents.


theBarefootedBastard t1_jdivkn0 wrote

So the better parents created adults that never really grew up and the worse parents created adults that became adults?


yamaha2000us t1_jdj84j0 wrote

or the children never grow up and it extends to the next generation.

After the mental scarring, there was no reason to think that I would turn out the way I did.

The reason being that I recognized problems with my family and cut my ties with them.


notkasa t1_jdfx6py wrote

They might not be adult enough to have children tho


junktech t1_jdh93k2 wrote

Not really. Some of us got to be children at later age. We act like such but also have a balanced decision making and adulting. Even for children is a good model to understand how to work in life with both sides and when.


Hardcorish OP t1_jdhty1q wrote

> We act like such but also have a balanced decision making and adulting

This showerthought isn't applicable to this situation then. I'm talking about adults who can't take care of their own kids, not what you're describing.


junktech t1_jdi01m9 wrote

Adults that act most of their life like kids can fall in the category I've stated. It's also valid as a showerthought. I got what you were saying and is indeea a bad situation but keep in mind this also exists as a option.


Hardcorish OP t1_jdi57fh wrote

Certainly, there's a wide spectrum of possibilities and outcomes that can result from such behavior so it isn't an either/or type of situation.


Cooldudeyo23 t1_jdgpz02 wrote

Hard times create strong men, strong men create good times, good times create weak men, weak men create hard times