I made comments clarifying everything in literally my first comment, and in something like a dozen or so comments after that, directly responding to nearly everybody to clarify -- lengthy responses, too.

if somebody wants to take me as uncharitably as possible, and continue to do so even after I engage with them to clear up whatever misconception they may have had about my words or intention, (like thinking I called a guy a lying masturbator as some kind of bizarre puritanical insult and not merely a joke about a guy who is admittedly hunting and pecking his message out with his left hand), and after I say I could have written it more clearly to have avoided the confusion etc., these are not people acting in good faith.

I explained until I was blue in the face, and not a single person said "oh I see", not because the explanation didn't make sense, but because a downvoting mob of imbeciles before them found it more entertaining to believe that I was making any number of nonsensical statements than to understand those explanations.

So fine, I'm a jackass, but I'm in really good company. Also, I would be willing to bet you right now that I could wait a couple days, rephrase the initial shower thought, and people would agree with it. "Ambidextrous is the only four-syllable label given to people for not lacking function of an appendage", or something similar. Which is exactly what I was saying, as you damn well know.
Call me a liar or choose to think otherwise, but if the roles were reversed, I would be defending you from intentionally obtuse attacks even if it meant getting a couple downvotes from the clowns in attendance.