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skunkadelic t1_j1wrlqq wrote

I appreciate plenty of the things my wife does on a daily basis.

781

greenknight884 t1_j1xpc0h wrote

And plenty of kids are forever ungrateful to their parents

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Passionofawriter t1_j1y395e wrote

And plenty of parents don't deserve to be appreciated.

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isusernamethistaken t1_j20kept wrote

Lol I meant to post that on the original post didn't mean to post it as a response to this comment 😅🤦🏻‍♀️ my b dude. Some parents really don't deserve appreciation.

5

isusernamethistaken t1_j1zuqg7 wrote

This is a horrible take based on your own personal experience

Edit: this was meant to be a comment on the original post, not a response to that comment..my bad.

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hhta2020 t1_j1zvnnr wrote

Nah that's just reality for a lot of people

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Jaimzell t1_j1zxp51 wrote

How can you possibly disagree with that statement? I feel like that's one of the coldest most agreeable takes I’v heard on this website. Regardless of what their personal experience might be.

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PsychologicalCod3712 t1_j201xqi wrote

It's just the reality for plenty of folks. Calling it a horrible take is definitely the horrible take.

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mix_420 t1_j20fqkp wrote

So you think abusive parents should be appreciated then??? Because that’s the only thing that I can read from this.

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No_Conversations t1_j20epg4 wrote

some parents literally sell their children into sex trafficking tell me again that all parents must be appreciated

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isusernamethistaken t1_j20l0zw wrote

The amount of hate I got for this accidental comment is hilarious 😂 you guys are right tho.

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Idiot_Savant_Tinker t1_j20j1po wrote

You saying good things about your parents is a horrible take based on your own personal experience.

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isusernamethistaken t1_j20knfa wrote

Didn't mean to reply to the comment. I meant to comment on the original post. My b

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PenguinTheYeti t1_j20kgii wrote

No, this is a horrible take based on your own personal experience.

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Passionofawriter t1_j22qvsc wrote

Yeah I agree with your comment as response to the original post haha

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icarusso t1_j1yallx wrote

You got it backwards. Parents owe everything to the new life they willingfully bring into this world, children don't have to be thankful for receiving what is rightfully theirs.

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Setheran t1_j1zkrhe wrote

I can be thankful when my parents gave me WAAAAAAY more than what is rightfully mine. Especially when every single penny they earned was spent on my sister and I.

Yeah parents do owe us when they bring us into the world, but good parents who do more than what they should deserve to be praised, and being grateful doesn't mean I'm thankful because they gave me a roof and food, which of course I'm owed.

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Solrinin t1_j207rt1 wrote

I think for the most part, parents get the kids they deserve. If you were a good parent, your kid will probably learn to be grateful and show it. If you were a shitty parent your kid probably won't be. And usually the parents I see bitching about their ungrateful kids are the ones that think they did a good job because they "provided a roof and food for them growing up".

3

Ghaladh t1_j1ymlbc wrote

You don't have children, I suppose. Do you think parents who deserve praises do the bare minimum? Some walk the extra mile all the times. To be a decent parent all you have to do is feed and educate your children and care for them. That's all nature demands. There is a lot more that gets done beyond that and no sense of entitlement could be rightfully diminish the value of what's being done

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icarusso t1_j1yn0dl wrote

Human isn't a pet.

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Ghaladh t1_j1yn686 wrote

I'm glad you think that. I share the same view.

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oldcretan t1_j1zm7mz wrote

I understand where your coming from in regards to the demands on parenting. It's no easy task to be a good parent and it's common to see parents who do a shit job by doing the bare minimum. Where I disagree is with the need to show gratitude. My parents never asked for gratitude from me and I will never ask it from my two kids. Being a good parent is first and foremost a duty, going above and beyond as a parent is a part of that duty. You don't get a thank you for doing your job. That being said I always give gratitude where I can because I am truly grateful for people who do things for me. I regularly remind my parents that I'm grateful for what I am and that their love, hard work, and lessons made me the person I am today. I credit them for all of my successes.

Secondly it's evolutionarily beneficial for me to do my best for my kids so they can be the best people they can be. I don't expect gratitude for something that benefits me.

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ackermann t1_j1xsobz wrote

Especially when she’s out of town for a work trip.

Even if they’re only gone a few days, you can gain a new appreciation

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skunkadelic t1_j1y0tmy wrote

When she lets me know her and my daughter are spending the night at her parent's house, I am always initially happy I get the place to myself, but by the end of the night I'm bummed out because nobody is here. The presence can be just as important as the things they do.

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turbopro25 t1_j1yhfef wrote

Wow. This couldn’t be more true. I enjoy when they are out running errands for an hour or two, so I can unwind or get some stuff done, but a whole night with an empty house makes me feel empty inside.

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Idiot_Savant_Tinker t1_j20jh5f wrote

I took a flight to San Antonio last year for work, I was only there for three days and I couldn't sleep, or relax, and I barely had an appetite.

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Gahvandure2 t1_j21dkv9 wrote

Yeah this is ridiculous. My wife is amazing and I know it. She appreciates all the things I do, as well, and tells me.

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voicebread t1_j1x44fw wrote

This isn’t a shower thought, it’s just depressing…not to mention largely untrue. Sorry you feel this way OP

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flomatable t1_j1zwgs1 wrote

They just can't accept that their ex is doing fine without them

1

Anxious-Marsupial89 t1_j1x62xw wrote

Or the opposite. I now have a kid and I’m realizing how traumatic my childhood was and how I was legit neglected. It’s caused a lot of internal turmoil.

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Salt-Tangelo-9152 t1_j1xqcdl wrote

Ya. For me it was more of a mix. I wasn’t perfect but holy shit my parents we’re insane. Like why did I have lice so bad my hands were covered in blood when I scratched yet we were so rich we had a maids?

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JohhnyTheKid t1_j1ygwhn wrote

Also the constant emotional (and sometimes physical) abuse was really fucked up. Like how do parents think that assaulting their child is preferable over simply sitting them down and explaining the situation to them and what they did wrong? Kids are humans, they understand reason.

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rmslashusr t1_j206wzt wrote

Assaulting a child is obviously wrong, and it doesn’t work. You also can’t just “reason” a two year old out of a tantrum. They do not understand reason yet, and even if they could calmly reasoning with a fully grown adult doesn’t usually break through a tantrum either. You have to acknowledge their feelings and make them feel heard first and then there’s a variety of ways to move on from there depending what the cause is. But if you think you’re just going to reason people out of misbehaving whether their children or coworkers good luck being disappointed haha.

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Beyond-Time t1_j1zjsna wrote

It's clear you don't have children. I don't condone hitting as a means of discipline as there are more effective ways of getting your point across. If you think all kids can just be told, or understand reason, you are way off the mark. Rude awakening when/if you do end up having kids.

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Lovely_Tuna t1_j1zt0jh wrote

That's an absolutely fucked thing to say to someone who was beaten as a kid.

And I strongly disagree with your suggestion that hitting a child is a less-effective form of discipline. Beating a child does not get your point across at all, unless your point is that you are an abusive person, not safe to be around.

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Beyond-Time t1_j1zto1f wrote

Maybe you should re-read what I wrote as I literally say that hitting a child is wrong. You are what's wrong with Reddit.

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Lovely_Tuna t1_j20grra wrote

That is literally a lie, your post is still up.

−1

Beyond-Time t1_j20haig wrote

"I don't condone hitting as a means of discipline as there are better ways to get your point across"

Who are you trying to fool? Hitting is not an answer to unruly children, and they don't always listen to reason. Why are you acting blind to my post?

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Lovely_Tuna t1_j20m3v7 wrote

'Literally' has a specific meaning.

I felt like I was standing up for the other poster, and calling out the implicit abuse in your message. No fooling, no acting.

And I'll say it again, hitting your child WILL NOT 'get your point across.'

Hope your kid(s) eventually find a good therapist.

0

Sparkly_Peach t1_j20529y wrote

Came here to say this too. I get flashbacks daily and it’s brutal trying to stay emotionally regulated in order to teach my kids how to regulate their own emotions… ☹️

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beloved_wolf t1_j1xobwc wrote

If your spouse or S/O doesn't appreciate you, they are a bad partner. That's not how healthy relationships work.

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Cakeminator t1_j1ywg2b wrote

People take things for granted quickly in my experience. I even do it myself with my wife , and her with me. It's not necessarily a conscious thing and we do discuss it if it becomes a problem.

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metamorphosis___ t1_j207qzv wrote

Fr its almost human nature to begin to not notice what you consider the norm, you could argue we take our eyesight for granted but in reality its just been there my whole life why would I celebrate it every day, its more true in long term relationships too.

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Cakeminator t1_j208o6c wrote

Yeah. I do love my wife tho. Sometimes she just takes everything for granted. She came from more money than I did, but now we live independently so it's rougher for her

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metamorphosis___ t1_j209xy5 wrote

I love my girlfriend we been together for 7 years and we just moved in together and I definitely had some growing up to do i definitely took my mom’s willingness to cook clean and overall pickup after us for granted lol and its been an issue the first week but ive grown from it.

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Cakeminator t1_j20aw1f wrote

I had to teach my wife to cook and clean proper. Housekeeping was not something she could do hah. Her parents did that shit for her

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metamorphosis___ t1_j20b7cp wrote

Flipped situation here for sure imo the willingness to learn that shit just shows the strength in the relationship tho.

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MyspaceQueen333 t1_j1xe0s7 wrote

Not always true, but sometimes. My 18 year old son is very vocal about what he is grateful for that I did for him. He makes me cry sometimes with a text out of the blue or a response to a post on fb talking about how much he loves me and feels lucky to have me. He's a good kid. I'm lucky to be his mom.

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Slime_Giant t1_j1wwe3e wrote

I appreciate what my parents did for me and what my wife continues to do for me. (Edit: I have no children)

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[deleted] t1_j1xg1ay wrote

The amount of former children, with children of their own, who have zero concept of value toward anything beg to differ.

But also, my partner and I show appreciation for everything we do for each other daily. And usually in the moment.

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IceFurnace83 t1_j1y33nr wrote

I mean, If I ever get a chance to put my mother in a home, it's not gonna be a nice one. My partner has mentioned a few times that that woman will never be left alone with our future children.

I could literally copy+paste your second sentence as it applies.

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scooterjb t1_j1y2fja wrote

My husband does an obscene amount of wonderful things to make our lives fun and exciting and comfortable. And I tell him every day. I am very aware of his contribution to us.

Sorry you don't think that's possible but it very much is.

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Brightwing9 t1_j1xpm8o wrote

Lol this is based per person. My wife and I always let the other know how much we appreciate everything the other does

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JuiceJones_34 t1_j1zflf8 wrote

Although very truthful, you don’t really understand the impact until it’s gone. The absence of something, whether good or bad is the true telling of its impact.

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[deleted] t1_j1wzihz wrote

[removed]

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Yourfaceis-23 OP t1_j1x0g7e wrote

My father raised 4 kids being a single parent. I’ve thanked him because I don’t think I’d be the parent I am today if it weren’t for him. I have 2, am divorced and my boyfriend and 3 of his kids live with us. A verbal thank you goes a long way. My ex husband thanks me for all I do (now) more than my boyfriend does. Just frustrated and venting lol

0

Tanagrabelle t1_j1xzccp wrote

Erm. Well, the inherent difference is that the spouses and SO generally aren't going to "have a spouse or SO of their own" to appreciate how hard it must have been for you before you're gone, unless you or they weren't good partners.

In general, though, the spouse or SO who doesn't appreciate a good partner is not a good partner themselves.

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Master-namer- t1_j1y2nt5 wrote

Ok OP it seems like you have some issue with you spouse. I understand the importance of my wife and thank them for their immense love and support time to time, same with my parents and many other people i know.

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Aggravating_Sell1086 t1_j1y9r6r wrote

Kids don't know what life is like as parents until they have kids. But people who get married remember what life was like before being married, after they are married.

I guess if you left home and got married immediately, though - this could be true. I spent a long time living on my own before getting married, and I definitely know enough to appreciate my wife.

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QSlade t1_j1z6b2b wrote

Correction: shitty spouses or SOs. A good partner, hell, a good person absolutely shows that they appreciate you in general.

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LordDerptCat123 t1_j1xbbi0 wrote

They’re the same, though. You appreciate what your parents do for you once they stop doing it

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kryzlt009 t1_j1xqd7n wrote

Not true in my case. I know it's not specific to asian culture but looking back at almost 3 decades, I was just born as their retirement plan. I would never ask my future children to work for me.

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Darkflame815 t1_j1y8peb wrote

Untrue, I appreciate my parents and wife and what they've done for me, and I'm still childless

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melonsango t1_j1ynken wrote

I have kids of my own. I can't imagine ever putting my kids through even one instance of the abuse that I faced. It took for me to have children and love them enough to want better for them, to realise that my parents were absolute monsters.

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everwonderedhow t1_j1wyvph wrote

As a parent it's up to you to make it so that your kids appreciate what you do for them and later what their SO does for them.

It is achievable and personally gratefulness is the single most important value I want my children to know and feel, so that they can always be grateful towards who deserves it but also feel if someone is not being grateful to them when they should.

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i_need_a_username201 t1_j1xvvzh wrote

They say they never really miss you until you’re dead or you’re gone.

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takethesefriesaway t1_j1y4sm2 wrote

I have appreciated my parents always. They go above and beyond for me since I’ve been born and am now close to 40. My spouse thinks I shoot rainbows out my ass and thinks I’m the greatest thing that walks this earth. I realize this is an opinion but so not truthful for a lot of people.

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LittleFairyOfDeath t1_j1yr18v wrote

Just because you had bad spouses or were a bad spouse doesn’t mean every single one is that way

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whyunoletmepost t1_j1zdv9h wrote

Yep, unfortunately I have noticed there is a definite balance to how much is put in and how appreciated I am. Put in to much and the appreciation goes down. In fact my appreciation levels were at there highest when I returned after a separation and I even experimented with "giving it everything I have" and the appreciation levels just kept going lower and lower. I dont think this is always the case, I think it just depends on the person.

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GabiTGB t1_j1ze7y4 wrote

Or the third option the kids grow up and realize their parents were shit.

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JuiceJones_34 t1_j1zg280 wrote

I had an amazing childhood. Loved every bit of it. My parents divorced in junior high and although I still had loads of love and support, having divorced parents is very impactful.

Now having my own kid I understand how hard it is and how much it can take it’s toll on a marriage like my parents.

My wife and I realize this and still make time day in day out for us and our own interests and still prioritize each other after the kid and not just 100% of our son.

Although watching my parents divorce was the hardest thing for me as a teenager, it’s also become the single best thing for me in my adult life from a learning standpoint.

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40ozSmasher t1_j1zs016 wrote

This is painfully true. I've had two girlfriends say I didn't do much in our relationship. So I sat down and wrote out everything I did for them. Both told me to stop. I kept writing and left the list out. One used to stop and read it often. It was almost like she had to reassure herself that I did all these things for her.

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pyromnd t1_j1zzf6j wrote

Yup, my ex and her mother still try and call me to fix up there house, or change their car battery and stupid shit they can’t do cuz(I’m a woman) bs. Glad I can now charge them for it :)

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FairyDemonSkyJay t1_j200s76 wrote

My partner has told me she appreciates all I do more times in the span of a few months then my parents have said "I love you" in my whole life.

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StabbyCat108 t1_j204re2 wrote

My grandparents to my mom and dad: I hope your kids are just as awful as you when you have them!

Me: was born with a large fear of displeasing people and was an only child so there were no siblings to be compared to so in the eyes of my parents, I was an absolute Angel

My parents:

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Yourfaceis-23 OP t1_j20bur6 wrote

Lol I say the same things to my kids. I think being a parent is a right of passage to say that or something

1

StabbyCat108 t1_j24wbm0 wrote

The funny part is that my parents were both…in emotionally abusive households that told them this, and I’m kind of a saint in comparison to the trouble they got into as kids. They were told that their kid was gonna end up just as awful and then…then they got me lol

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MissyAnneAnde t1_j20d0h8 wrote

If you have a SO that doesn’t appreciate you before you’re gone, you have the wrong SO.

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mlh75 t1_j20gjvm wrote

I had a crappy childhood so I made sure I was super involved with my ex’s kids because he couldn’t care less. Now that we’ve split, the boys mom still lets me see them because they love me and she appreciates everything I did/do for them.

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SuumCuique1011 t1_j1x06ez wrote

The first part will be true. After a divorce, the second part won't necessarily be true.

It's much easier to blame any and all difficulties with the child on the dead parent.

The more you know 🌠

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BrewtusMaximus1 t1_j1xnhja wrote

My ex wife didn’t appreciate everything I did house and kid wise until we divorced - and she then didn’t fully appreciate it until she moved with the kids an hour away and I went from having them half time to every other weekend.

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Yourfaceis-23 OP t1_j1x0npy wrote

My ex thanks me often for all I do for our kids. My present boyfriend who’s kids live with us, not so much.

−3

SuumCuique1011 t1_j1x44yk wrote

That sucks and I'm sorry to hear that.

Part of the reason I don't want to start dating again is because our dynamic works for now and I don't feel the need to date. She's off doing her thing. I want to spend as much time as possible with my kid. He might get more angsty and hormonal at some point, but I want to at least build that solid base of trust and communication so that he can come to me to talk if he needs to.

It sounds like your ex isn't a total POS. I don't know your situation, but I would hope you guys can work together to keep that ball rolling.

I may be totally out of line here, but if you're already living with your new bf and his kids, you've got to have a mutual partnership and understanding with him and his kids.

You're a team living in the same household. Keeping a household running has to be a team effort, imho.

I wish you the best of luck.

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Jetztinberlin t1_j1z5g1w wrote

Then you have a boyfriend problem. I'm sorry. Have you discussed this with him?

1

Yourfaceis-23 OP t1_j1z5uzd wrote

I have

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Jetztinberlin t1_j1z6aq2 wrote

If you've discussed it openly and plainly, and he understands you feel underappreciated and hasn't changed as a result, then... he's telling you making you feel appreciated isn't important to him. As you can see from the comments here, it is very possible for partners to show appreciation to each other. So you have a choice: maybe the lack of appreciation is a flaw in your relationship you can live with because other positive aspects balance it out, and maybe it's not.

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divinely_xa t1_j1y05f0 wrote

Ao went away for a week from my long term bf & realize how much negativity and stress he adds to my life. Now got to see if we can work on this. Fml

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droppedelbow t1_j1yckp2 wrote

OP needs to realise their issues are not universal, and not assume everyone's relationships are as miserable as their's.

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Myrdrahl t1_j1yoagj wrote

So, you're saying I'll never appreciate my parents, as I'm never having kids of my own? I'm sorry, but you didn't think this one through.

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GeorgeNewmanTownTalk t1_j1ywgll wrote

So what you're saying is that I'll be unappreciated in my time. Got it.

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Yourfaceis-23 OP t1_j1yywa6 wrote

Lol no just venting on my own situation. I know everyone’s is different.

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Sleep-system t1_j1yx3ff wrote

My appreciation of how devoted my mom was is the reason why I'll never have kids. I have no interest in giving that much of my time and energy to children.

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_Blackstar t1_j1z1moh wrote

I appreciate plenty of things my parents did for me despite the fact that I don't and won't have kids.

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oldcretan t1_j1zjzey wrote

My wife and I regularly share our appreciation for the little things. I make it a point to try to thank her for anything I can because I know I miss so much.

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Strain128 t1_j1zkn75 wrote

First time my kid puked in the car, finished cleaning him up and called my dad right away to thank him for being a great dad

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Red_Lily_Shaymin t1_j1zn7hh wrote

Kids at least have the excuse of not having a fully-developed brain yet. Spouses/SO's who are ungrateful pricks should know better than to take someone for granted.

2

LincolnCassiusClay47 t1_j1zq9la wrote

I have a 3yo and a 1yo. Both boys. My mom was a single mom and raise me and my brother. I called her a few months back and just said “thank you”. She did so much for us and worked so hard and we never appreciated it growing up. We couldn’t appreciate it. We were selfish kids. All kids are. That’s not a failing on a kid’s part, that’s just part of growing up. You realize empathy and how to put yourself in someone else’s shoes when you get older, it’s just a part of life. I’m so thankful I had my mom growing up and I’m doing everything I can to be a good dad, even though I know they won’t appreciate it until later.

2

LeahKabeah t1_j20bcdy wrote

So what I’m hearing is that, with a 3 year old and a 3 month old and no terminal illness…. I’ve got a loooonnnnng wait.

2

Idiot_Savant_Tinker t1_j20iv4v wrote

What? No. My wife is the source of everything good in my life. I started dating her 15 years ago yesterday and that's the dividing point in my life where everything started to get better. She's kind, she's compassionate, she's the best therapist I could ask for. She's beautiful, she has striking blue-green eyes, a little nose, and skin so clear that people assume her pictures are photoshopped. When she is in the room, there isnt anything else around, there is only Her. She's completely uninhibited in bed, and the only times we aren't trying to undress each other after going to bed is when we're recovering from the last time we undressed each other.

I'll never stray from her, there is no other woman who can give me what she has. Since I've been married to her my life has felt like a fantasy, some wonderful dream that I'm worried I will wake up from. I don't deserve someone so wonderful, but she loves me and I will make sure every moment I can to be good enough for her.

2

Golden-Sun t1_j21lf1h wrote

I mean I've got no kids and I sure as hell appreciate my parents. My older sibling may treat them like shit but I sure as hell wont

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Showerthoughts_Mod t1_j1wrg0m wrote

This is a friendly reminder to read our rules.

Remember, /r/Showerthoughts is for showerthoughts, not "thoughts had in the shower!"

(For an explanation of what a "showerthought" is, please read this page.)

Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.

1

Shooppow t1_j1y88tm wrote

If your spouse doesn’t realize/appreciate your effort, it’s time for couples’ therapy or a divorce!

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eleanoreli t1_j1yo27y wrote

What? Are you in twrrible relationship where you arent appreciated? Brah break up :b

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yeetgodmcnechass t1_j1ytx1y wrote

There are plenty of people with garbage parents/guardians who definitely don't appreciate the shit they put them through.

1

CurrentIndependent42 t1_j20awit wrote

This is just wrong. Plenty of spouses and SOs appreciate their partners.

1