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elcuydangerous t1_j6n52ut wrote

Reply to comment by Bosmonster in Adoption is the 'skip intro' button for parenting. by thedbm

Also, incredibly expensive. I looked into adoption for a child, and at least in my case, it would cost anywhere from 5 to 6 times more than actually having one. I actually made an additional 18 grand from a combination of FMLA and employer sponsored family leave when my kid was born.

I get that you want to make sure adopted children go to a good home that has good financial support. But if having a child costs that much less as the state you should be rethinking the process. To me it's essentially a wash with either spending money supporting a child vs someone adopting that child and taking that burden from the state. Plus, for the sake of that child, and their adopted family, you want them adopted and settling with a family ASAP, not keeping them in the system.

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dotardiscer t1_j6o014e wrote

Foster->Adopt is cheaper, takes longer and most people want no more than an infant. I get it too, some kids unfortunately grow up in fucked up environments and just because you remove them from the situation it doesn't take away the emotional scars.
I knew a girl who was one of 2 bio-kids in her house, the things that her foster brothers and sisters exposed her too at a young age are not thing I'd want to have happen to my own kids.

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Genshed t1_j6pckyr wrote

I understand if some prospective adoptive parents prefer not to adopt children who are in foster care (who are eligible for adoption).

But if they make that choice, I would prefer that they not bemoan the time and expense concomitant with that choice.

My husband and I adopted our two sons from foster care when each of them was five years old. It's been challenging, but we didn't choose to become parents because we thought it was the soft option.

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FranzPorter t1_j6opqo7 wrote

>the things that her foster brothers and sisters exposed her too at a young age are not thing I'd want to have happen to my own kids

like what?

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Farmof5 t1_j6p8g32 wrote

Kids in foster care have been pulled out of their homes because their homes weren’t safe. Every case is different but in general these kids have been exposed to drugs, alcohol, porn/sexual abuse, violence, &/or other life situations that are hard for adults to deal with.

Our first drug addicted foster kid was kind enough to give us a massive education on drugs. I’ve been in EMS for almost 20 years & this kid taught me new things. It was wild.

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KingMwanga t1_j6pfki0 wrote

If someone writes your name on the birth certificate you can bypass most of this

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dotardiscer t1_j6pguqu wrote

I'm not crazy familiar with the law, but in a case that happened to a couple I know personally they kept a relationship with the bio-mom. Well one day on a visit she abducted the child. It took awhile for them to get her back and it almost looked like they wouldn't. Basically what saved them was that she adducted the child. If she had properly gone through the court system likely they would have given the child back to bio-mom.

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ambermage t1_j6onjs0 wrote

Expensive?

There are tons of free kids just walking around. /s

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