danger_zone123 t1_jb6bkab wrote on March 6, 2023 at 7:38 PM

Florida Man in the news, not for an arrest? What is happening here?

FLYSWATTER_93 t1_jb6vukk wrote on March 6, 2023 at 9:49 PM

Update: the clam killed 7 people

Atiggerx33 t1_jb7ot9r wrote on March 7, 2023 at 1:28 AM

Update: The clam eluded the police and remains at large.

williamsonny t1_jb81fi9 wrote on March 7, 2023 at 3:06 AM

Update: apprehended but won’t say anything.

ArcaneOverride t1_jb92cwt wrote on March 7, 2023 at 10:06 AM

You mean it's clammed up

williamsonny t1_jb9gbma wrote on March 7, 2023 at 12:53 PM

You have deconstructed my pun with bewildering precision.

ballrus_walsack t1_jb87go2 wrote on March 7, 2023 at 3:56 AM

Last words heard: “laces out!”

Lilyetter t1_jb8eetq wrote on March 7, 2023 at 5:00 AM

The tip of a shoelace is called an Aglet. The more you know

C0nstructer t1_jb9no5m wrote on March 7, 2023 at 1:57 PM

"The plastic tips at the ends of shoelaces are called aglets. Their true purpose is sinister!" - Question

Justintime4u2bu1 t1_jb8qcvq wrote on March 7, 2023 at 7:17 AM

sentenced to drowning in the ocean

duzra t1_jb9nk91 wrote on March 7, 2023 at 1:56 PM

Florida clam

dedicated-pedestrian t1_jba5b35 wrote on March 7, 2023 at 4:02 PM

They didn't check the shade of its coral blue lipstick. Fatal mistake.

[deleted] t1_jb7ksq2 wrote on March 7, 2023 at 12:57 AM

[deleted]

[deleted] t1_jb95i1w wrote on March 7, 2023 at 10:51 AM

[removed]

blu-juice t1_jb894vj wrote on March 7, 2023 at 4:10 AM

*Florida Clam

Redhotmegasystem t1_jb7v4t1 wrote on March 7, 2023 at 2:17 AM

huge win for florida man

KindlyContribution54 t1_jb8plev wrote on March 7, 2023 at 7:07 AM

He's finally turning his life around after all that drunken alligator sex and his naked meth carjacking episodes.

Just today it looks like he recovered from being bitten by an alligator while opening his front door to complete 3264 pushups in 1 hour, breaking the world record! Go Floridaman go!

Eric-Stratton t1_jb8pe73 wrote on March 7, 2023 at 7:05 AM

Honest to god I assumed this was posted in r/floridaman as the lone piece of good press. Had to scroll up to see I was in a different sub.

Kersenn t1_jb8cwwa wrote on March 7, 2023 at 4:45 AM

Oooh now I see why it was posted to uplifting news

SubterrelProspector t1_jb9rl2v wrote on March 7, 2023 at 2:27 PM

Is it anyone's birthday today? This is their Florida Man headline. Nice and pleasant.

External_Philosopher t1_jbadv17 wrote on March 7, 2023 at 4:58 PM

There's not even a crack joke here

Best_Algae2346 t1_jb8gyq0 wrote on March 7, 2023 at 5:26 AM

I came here to say the exact same, the only story I heard from a Florida man that wasn't batshit crazy.

Florida man finds giant clam estimated to be 214 years old

jermleeds t1_jb695du wrote on March 6, 2023 at 7:20 PM