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b-cat t1_jb67ara wrote

The uplifting part: “caretakers at the lab released it back into the Gulf of Mexico”


TimothyTG t1_jb6sh4d wrote

Thanks, I saw this headline and was confused on the uplifting part!


caaper t1_jb7urp4 wrote

How is it uplifting when the thing sinks to the bottom?


jakethegreat4 t1_jb89eif wrote

Well I reckon they had to lift it to the surface in the first place


Ransacky t1_jb8unbg wrote

Yea, this story just gave me a sinking feeling.


pretty-as-a-pic t1_jba1ozu wrote

It’s also nice to see Florida man doing something that doesn’t end in arrest


SeanBourne t1_jbb7gi8 wrote

Yep. He’s in line for state ‘Man of the Year’.


s1rblaze t1_jba8uhk wrote

Florida man not killing someone today and found a new peacefull hobby is genuinely uplifting no?


gtwizzy8 t1_jb9ogxe wrote

Yeah this was my first thought also. Florida man finds something incredibly old and incredibly rare that's still alive then does everything he can to immediately kill it lol


M3Core t1_jb9rc0q wrote

Ah that's excellent! Thank you!

My initial reaction was definitely "Neat, now put it back!"


jermleeds t1_jb695du wrote

This is the least bad thing we've heard about Florida Man, perhaps ever.


danger_zone123 t1_jb6bkab wrote

Florida Man in the news, not for an arrest? What is happening here?


FLYSWATTER_93 t1_jb6vukk wrote

Update: the clam killed 7 people


Atiggerx33 t1_jb7ot9r wrote

Update: The clam eluded the police and remains at large.


williamsonny t1_jb81fi9 wrote

Update: apprehended but won’t say anything.


ballrus_walsack t1_jb87go2 wrote

Last words heard: “laces out!”


Lilyetter t1_jb8eetq wrote

The tip of a shoelace is called an Aglet. The more you know


C0nstructer t1_jb9no5m wrote

"The plastic tips at the ends of shoelaces are called aglets. Their true purpose is sinister!" - Question


Redhotmegasystem t1_jb7v4t1 wrote

huge win for florida man


KindlyContribution54 t1_jb8plev wrote

He's finally turning his life around after all that drunken alligator sex and his naked meth carjacking episodes.

Just today it looks like he recovered from being bitten by an alligator while opening his front door to complete 3264 pushups in 1 hour, breaking the world record! Go Floridaman go!


Eric-Stratton t1_jb8pe73 wrote

Honest to god I assumed this was posted in r/floridaman as the lone piece of good press. Had to scroll up to see I was in a different sub.


Kersenn t1_jb8cwwa wrote

Oooh now I see why it was posted to uplifting news


SubterrelProspector t1_jb9rl2v wrote

Is it anyone's birthday today? This is their Florida Man headline. Nice and pleasant.


Best_Algae2346 t1_jb8gyq0 wrote

I came here to say the exact same, the only story I heard from a Florida man that wasn't batshit crazy.


EvilLOON t1_jb7srdp wrote

Classic, "Aber-clam Lincoln’s shell, meaning this clam was born in 1809, the same year as Abraham Lincoln, hence its name!” the lab explained."


TrashJack42 t1_jb65tfi wrote

Perhaps if the people of Florida feed Ron DeSantis to The Clam, the curse upon their state will finally be lifted?


danknadoflex t1_jb8gjpu wrote

Don’t tell Ron DeSanctimonous that some clams are hermaphrodites he’ll criminalize their existence


Rinzy2000 t1_jb7r70n wrote

🙏🏻🙏🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻 we can only hope. (I’m a Floridian).


Diligent_Ad6759 t1_jb826v3 wrote

You don't see me bragging about my gigantic clam.


gortwogg t1_jb8yuzi wrote

We should, though. We should…


Lilyetter t1_jb8eb2k wrote

Props to this man for not killing it!!!


geitjesdag t1_jb6cd4h wrote

I read this too fast and read "giant clam claiming to be 214 years old"


blazedcrank t1_jb8g4o1 wrote

Florida man is finally hitting his redemption arc.


Spanky200 t1_jb7y1pc wrote

A non-horrific Florida Man title? Sacrilege!


lawofthewilde t1_jb8kj6q wrote

Put that thing back where it came from or so help me.


Sinz_Doe t1_jb7ujfo wrote

Reads "Florida man" ... OH GOD WHAT DID HE DO TO IT?!?!?!


intelligentplatonic t1_jb87cwb wrote

You would think with an "estimate" they would round up to 215.


Homework-Silly t1_jb887tg wrote

Imagine living two hundred years for Florida man to make you into clam chowder


zobotrombie t1_jb8jogu wrote

That clam is older than everyone on the planet right now.


MonsieurPC t1_jb8l0rk wrote

The guy looks about as happy as a... a something... I can't quite put my finger on it.


thatonedude570 t1_jb99rbl wrote

Not what I expected when I first read "Florida Man" in headline...


Logiwonk_ t1_jbalwje wrote

So many bad things have happened to Florida man over the years it's nice something went right for a change!


NOT000 t1_jb6t88p wrote

Nina Hartley?


xxDankerstein t1_jb6v18o wrote

He's holding a tiny clam. Bad picture, or do I not understand what a giant clam is?


HopelessCineromantic t1_jb7priq wrote

The clam is about six inches. Article says most are 2.8 to 4.3 inches.

So, much bigger than your average clam, but not going to be climbing the Empire State Building any time soon.


YouCanCallMeVanZant t1_jb7to7u wrote

Article also says they “range from Newfoundland to North Carolina.”

Apparently they need to adjust that range a bit.


the_buckman_bandit t1_jb8org4 wrote

Bold of you to assume the clam pictured has not summited the Empire State Building several times by now, he’s had the time!


Atiggerx33 t1_jb7pfyt wrote

It's a giant example of its species, not giant in general. Like imagine if a squirrel was twice as large as other squirrels. It's still a small critter, but it's a huge squirrel.


xxDankerstein t1_jb8e6u4 wrote

I was confused because actual giant clams get like 4 feet in length.


alternatingflan t1_jb7tk31 wrote

This is about as uplifting as it gets in Florida today.


allygatorade t1_jb8y60y wrote

Florida man has certainly calmed down


Careful_icarus22 t1_jbbc64w wrote

First florida man ro not commit a crime and make the news


treswm t1_jbbholx wrote

Is that Abraclam Lincoln?! (Heard this story on local news, the clam apparently has same bday as Abe so they call it that)


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kinda4got t1_jb7xagf wrote

That's a rude way to refer to his fiancee


krishkal t1_jb7y3wl wrote

How long is its beard?


CrusztiHuszti t1_jb80vwg wrote

How did he find it in the gulf if it’s range is Newfoundland to North Carolina as the article claims?


mark3d4death t1_jb8izid wrote

OK Florida man...did you do meth with it?


widgertos t1_jb8njcd wrote

there's an "OP'S mum" joke here somewhere, but I just can't put my finger on it.


superbriant t1_jb8t9l1 wrote

Not quite as big as I was expecting. I was thinking cloyster


tehmungler t1_jb90v8r wrote

Glad to hear. Poor Florida Man has had a rough few years.


momomosk t1_jb96te0 wrote

If you ever have a chance to stop in Panacea, Florida on the panhandle near Tallahassee, definitely make sure to stop in Gulf Specimen Marine Labs and look at all of the cool critters they have. It’s a local, mom and pop shop that supplies universities nation wide with marine organisms that they can use for invertebrate zoology classes. I’ve seen the weirdest things in their tanks!


Kidgen t1_jb977mv wrote

TIL a quahog is a clam. This makes so many family guy things make sense.


clovisx t1_jb9bau9 wrote

First reaction: Cocoon was real and the Villages are way wilder than I thought.


Armand28 t1_jb9v74k wrote

What a coincidence, my ex-wife's nickname was the 214 year old giant clam.


ITworld99 t1_jb9xfux wrote

Good for him! When you are desperate, age doesn't matter, I guess.


Apnea53 t1_jbah4dj wrote

That old, it must’ve had a beard.


BZenMojo t1_jbaqpoy wrote

Same way Abe Sapien got his name, go figure.


theory_until t1_jbhp9kc wrote

I am so glad the clam was released!

I also want chowder.

Bad human!


Garbage283736 t1_jblwybd wrote

That's no way to talk about somebody's Grandma


pickleer t1_jb7ldo3 wrote

Probably wanna rewrite that headline; many of us won't have the patience to come to the comments to find the uplifting part.


westsidefashionist t1_jb88785 wrote

Nothing like murdering a 214 year old living clam because your think it looks interesting. Aliens need to eat him.


Modus_Opp t1_jb8daw2 wrote

Ah I thought that this was going to be case of that poor quahog who was about 400 years old or something like that. And would have been grown older... had scientists not killed it to measure its age.


bkozuma t1_jb9b9nh wrote

It was released though


Modus_Opp t1_jb9cnqw wrote

Yeah luckily. There was another story where the quahog wasn't so lucky. It was the oldest animal on earth at the time of its death. Which was caused by the scientists checking out it's age.


RedStar9117 t1_jb8n15p wrote

Florida then tried to arrest clam because it is a hermaphrodite and that makes DeSantis sad


AssCanyon t1_jb8tsq5 wrote

Florida Man strikes again!


nanjee-bhai t1_jb94iwr wrote

That guy survived for 214 years and then a Florida man happened


Constant_Will362 t1_jb9fxeh wrote

So did he kill it ? Every time someone finds an ancient animal they kill it and bring it to the local library for display.


SNK_24 t1_jb9k3iw wrote

At that age that clam must be 90% mercury so better not to eat it.


oily76 t1_jb9w3ns wrote

... and sticks it up his ass.


Apnea53 t1_jbagym9 wrote

Bad ass chowda!


MonsieurPC t1_jb8l09v wrote

The guy looks about as happy as a... a something... I can't quite put my finger on it.


zenkei18 t1_jb8tgdl wrote

Sounds like a new your mom joke


Mehnard t1_jbaiawm wrote

The only correct answer is to put it back. You know how chewy big clams are?


TBTabby t1_jbanrs9 wrote

Hopefully the scientists won't kill this one in their attempts to confirm that.


citytiger OP t1_jbcfoub wrote

It was brought to a lab and then released back into the sea.


DoomWad t1_jb7a5sm wrote

I don’t see what this article has to do with meth…


just_chilling_too t1_jb6aseq wrote

And he ate it


RSGator t1_jb6cjhv wrote

It was released. Old clams aren’t the best eating - they’re drier, fishier, and the beards are bigger, getting in the way of the meat underneath.