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1

TrashJack42 t1_jb65tfi wrote

Perhaps if the people of Florida feed Ron DeSantis to The Clam, the curse upon their state will finally be lifted?

53

b-cat t1_jb67ara wrote

The uplifting part: “caretakers at the lab released it back into the Gulf of Mexico”

1,333

jermleeds t1_jb695du wrote

This is the least bad thing we've heard about Florida Man, perhaps ever.

313

geitjesdag t1_jb6cd4h wrote

I read this too fast and read "giant clam claiming to be 214 years old"

10

xxDankerstein t1_jb6v18o wrote

He's holding a tiny clam. Bad picture, or do I not understand what a giant clam is?

2

DoomWad t1_jb7a5sm wrote

I don’t see what this article has to do with meth…

−4

pickleer t1_jb7ldo3 wrote

Probably wanna rewrite that headline; many of us won't have the patience to come to the comments to find the uplifting part.

0

EvilLOON t1_jb7srdp wrote

Classic, "Aber-clam Lincoln’s shell, meaning this clam was born in 1809, the same year as Abraham Lincoln, hence its name!” the lab explained."

81

Sinz_Doe t1_jb7ujfo wrote

Reads "Florida man" ... OH GOD WHAT DID HE DO TO IT?!?!?!

6

kinda4got t1_jb7xagf wrote

That's a rude way to refer to his fiancee

1

Spanky200 t1_jb7y1pc wrote

A non-horrific Florida Man title? Sacrilege!

7

CrusztiHuszti t1_jb80vwg wrote

How did he find it in the gulf if it’s range is Newfoundland to North Carolina as the article claims?

1

westsidefashionist t1_jb88785 wrote

Nothing like murdering a 214 year old living clam because your think it looks interesting. Aliens need to eat him.

0

Homework-Silly t1_jb887tg wrote

Imagine living two hundred years for Florida man to make you into clam chowder

5

Modus_Opp t1_jb8daw2 wrote

Ah I thought that this was going to be case of that poor quahog who was about 400 years old or something like that. And would have been grown older... had scientists not killed it to measure its age.

0

Lilyetter t1_jb8eb2k wrote

Props to this man for not killing it!!!

16

blazedcrank t1_jb8g4o1 wrote

Florida man is finally hitting his redemption arc.

8

zobotrombie t1_jb8jogu wrote

That clam is older than everyone on the planet right now.

3

lawofthewilde t1_jb8kj6q wrote

Put that thing back where it came from or so help me.

7

MonsieurPC t1_jb8l09v wrote

The guy looks about as happy as a... a something... I can't quite put my finger on it.

−1

MonsieurPC t1_jb8l0rk wrote

The guy looks about as happy as a... a something... I can't quite put my finger on it.

3

RedStar9117 t1_jb8n15p wrote

Florida then tried to arrest clam because it is a hermaphrodite and that makes DeSantis sad

0

widgertos t1_jb8njcd wrote

there's an "OP'S mum" joke here somewhere, but I just can't put my finger on it.

1

KindlyContribution54 t1_jb8plev wrote

Replying to Redhotmegasystem (#2,176,187)

He's finally turning his life around after all that drunken alligator sex and his naked meth carjacking episodes.

Just today it looks like he recovered from being bitten by an alligator while opening his front door to complete 3264 pushups in 1 hour, breaking the world record! Go Floridaman go!

7

superbriant t1_jb8t9l1 wrote

Not quite as big as I was expecting. I was thinking cloyster

1

zenkei18 t1_jb8tgdl wrote

Sounds like a new your mom joke

−1

tehmungler t1_jb90v8r wrote

Glad to hear. Poor Florida Man has had a rough few years.

1

nanjee-bhai t1_jb94iwr wrote

That guy survived for 214 years and then a Florida man happened

0

momomosk t1_jb96te0 wrote

If you ever have a chance to stop in Panacea, Florida on the panhandle near Tallahassee, definitely make sure to stop in Gulf Specimen Marine Labs and look at all of the cool critters they have. It’s a local, mom and pop shop that supplies universities nation wide with marine organisms that they can use for invertebrate zoology classes. I’ve seen the weirdest things in their tanks!

1

Kidgen t1_jb977mv wrote

TIL a quahog is a clam. This makes so many family guy things make sense.

1

thatonedude570 t1_jb99rbl wrote

Not what I expected when I first read "Florida Man" in headline...

3

clovisx t1_jb9bau9 wrote

First reaction: Cocoon was real and the Villages are way wilder than I thought.

1

Modus_Opp t1_jb9cnqw wrote

Replying to bkozuma (#2,177,645)

Yeah luckily. There was another story where the quahog wasn't so lucky. It was the oldest animal on earth at the time of its death. Which was caused by the scientists checking out it's age.

0

Constant_Will362 t1_jb9fxeh wrote

So did he kill it ? Every time someone finds an ancient animal they kill it and bring it to the local library for display.

0

SNK_24 t1_jb9k3iw wrote

At that age that clam must be 90% mercury so better not to eat it.

0

gtwizzy8 t1_jb9ogxe wrote

Replying to b-cat (#2,174,073)

Yeah this was my first thought also. Florida man finds something incredibly old and incredibly rare that's still alive then does everything he can to immediately kill it lol

11

Armand28 t1_jb9v74k wrote

What a coincidence, my ex-wife's nickname was the 214 year old giant clam.

1

oily76 t1_jb9w3ns wrote

... and sticks it up his ass.

0

ITworld99 t1_jb9xfux wrote

Good for him! When you are desperate, age doesn't matter, I guess.

1

Apnea53 t1_jbah4dj wrote

That old, it must’ve had a beard.

1

Mehnard t1_jbaiawm wrote

The only correct answer is to put it back. You know how chewy big clams are?

−1

Logiwonk_ t1_jbalwje wrote

So many bad things have happened to Florida man over the years it's nice something went right for a change!

3

TBTabby t1_jbanrs9 wrote

Hopefully the scientists won't kill this one in their attempts to confirm that.

−1

BZenMojo t1_jbaqpoy wrote

Same way Abe Sapien got his name, go figure.

1

treswm t1_jbbholx wrote

Is that Abraclam Lincoln?! (Heard this story on local news, the clam apparently has same bday as Abe so they call it that)

2

theory_until t1_jbhp9kc wrote

I am so glad the clam was released!

I also want chowder.

Bad human!

1