And here I am constantly wracked with guilt over what I'm taking from the system lol. And you're right; I've heard that same cynical perspective from fellow vets more than a few times. I kinda get where the perception comes from("you guys did XYZ in good faith for your nation and now the gubment is gonna drag their feet with your treatment?"), but just because something doesn't work as well as it could or even should, does not mean it is trash.

On top of getting paid every month so that I don't have to work if I don't want to(I don't lol), I've gotten every kind of treatment I needed and thensome. Tons of psyche stuff, but also optical, dental, back stuff, whatever I've needed help with. They have also helped get me into housing programs when I was on the streets for a bit, have helped by getting me into fun programs like Drum Circle, and free medication. And yeah some of the employees DGAF but you'll find that anywhere, and on the flipside of that token I've met tons of compassionate, caring people at the VA.

And when I was stuck in a cycle of self-destruction and kept finding myself in the VA psyche ward with suicidal ideations, feeling guilty over like my seventh stay in about a three year span, a nurse there told me "Even if you have to come back here a hundred times, we are here to help you through it with open arms and a compassionate ear" which really meant a ton to me at the time.

That seventh trip was one of my last trips in a long time, so I guess she was right that I didn't need to kill myself to extricate myself from so many negative feelings. Thank you blonde VA nurse!