Submitted by Pizzaparty2022 t3_10v0s8j in Washington

Hi! 30F Born and raised in the Puget Sound (25<3) lol Over the past decade my job has allowed me to live all over the US. With a large amount of time in states that would be considered “southern” in etiquette. But despite my diversity in travel. At my core, I wholeheartedly subscribe to the “WA freeze.” Because IMO, it’s not rude, it’s actually considerate, letting people go about their day without the intrusion of my attempt at conversation. And I appreciate when people give me that same respect.

That being said, I’ve soften over time. I still hardly chat with strangers out of respect, but I’m way less annoyed when someone unexpectedly starts into a conversation with me.

Here’s the thing though. I just bought my first home. On a private street of 20 houses. Within the past year there’s been at least 5 other home where new people have moved in. Lots of newness in this community.

I plan to be here a long time. And feel inspired to do things the “southern way,” and introduce myself to the neighbors.

I have an ability to find the common thread of connection between me and others within 5 mins of a chat. Something I developed in my career/travel. So I do not expect the quick introduction to be awkward. But I do wonder if I’ve been so exposed to other practices is neighborly ways that I’m losing touch with the reality that none of these people are going to want to talk to me.

I realize that only 1 in 20 of them are going to want to spend more than 2 mins saying hello. And don’t intend to drag the conversation on with anyone. But when I think about it, there seems something so pleasant about knowing the name of the people I’ve decided to live next to on our private street.

Anyways. I’m Looking for perspective. If you owned a home on a private street (in the puget sound culture), would you like or dislike a 2 min introduction to a neighbor saying hello. Also… am I supposed to bring something??? I’ve heard stereotypes about people dropping off baked goods for neighbors… I don’t know if I feel comfortable doing that much… that seems overbearing. I’ve never done anything like this before.

I’d like some feedback from those who know what I’m talking about. Have I changed too much, or is this a normal homeownership impulse?

I’ve been here 3 months and no one has even given a nod to my existence. Not mad at all, but it’s making me think I might be the weird one. And that I should adapt back into my old ways of respectful distance.

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fatmanchoo t1_j7ew8rj wrote

My neighbor knocked on my door. Introduced himself. We had a 5 minute chat. Now we're friendly and neighborly. No weird awkwardness.

Way better than seeing neighbors and being awkward and pretend not to see them.

You go ahead and do your thing. Most of your neighbors will appreciate you. And the rest, well, they can just as easily be themselves, and that's fine too.

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TSAOutreachTeam t1_j7f3pox wrote

I bought a house 6 years ago, and for 5 of those years, I never met anyone other than my immediate neighbors.

Last June I adopted a dog, and now I know everyone. Well, I know their dogs. I still don't know any human's name.

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Atlasandachilles t1_j7fhrt6 wrote

I don’t think you can go wrong extending a welcome, with or without baked goods. It’s a well-known practice, and most people will find it to be a kind and friendly gesture. If they’re not interested in interacting with neighbors, you seem like you would be respectful of that and give them their space. No harm no foul. If they are interested then you have a neighbor-friend and the potential for a stronger, safer community.

We live in Seattle and know all our neighbors. We’re not friends, but are friendly. It’s no big deal to wave when you get home and the neighbor’s out gardening or whatever, and it adds a lot of positive benefits. People on our street look out for each other’s property (without being intrusive), like our neighbor has put out our garbage when we’re out of town so we don’t miss the pickup. And it definitely helps when something goes wrong - for instance, we had to negotiate a shared sewer line problem that crossed three yards. It helps to start that kind of conversation from a friendly place.

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hlayres t1_j7fxixx wrote

I like to know ALL my neighbors, and I give them my phone number and it has been really nice. I think etiquette says that the old people welcome the new, so it's not surprising that they haven't introduced themselves. Also, you're overthinking it. Just say hi.

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walkinguphills t1_j7figb2 wrote

Lifetime Washington native here, ao happy to see you describe the 'Seattle Freeze' as the quiet politeness I always assumed it to be (rather than the cold aloofness it is often taken as).

That said...I'm not a big fan of people and happen to live behind a locked gate, BUT still do think it's important to know my neighbors and them know me. You never know when things are going to go sideways, and neighbors are your closest community.

I say go for it, just be careful none of them get the impression they can drop by for frequent unannounced social visits in return (~shiver~). 😀

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1dad1kid t1_j7g3or4 wrote

I would like the intro, but I'm also not a fan or subscriber of the WA freeze.

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Masculine_Teacup t1_j7eww03 wrote

I don't typically talk to my neighbors, but there is a good age gap between all of us. I feel like there has to be a reason to socialize between neighbors. Maybe something like trying to arrange a block party would be in order just to give people an excuse to socialize might be the way to go.

As a person also born and raised here, if you keep a respectful distance from other people then that distance never gets breached then you're just a polite stranger.

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Jonny_Boy_HS t1_j7jd76l wrote

I started gardening in my WA neighborhood and all neighbors who were interested in chatting, saying hello, etc. did so. It was cathartic to put myself out there, but still have a retreat if I elected to get away.

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lostprevention t1_j7gpfzy wrote

I like knowing my neighbors. Most of us have met and had a couple conversations, while doing yard work or whatever.

Imo bringing gifts is optional, but you may be pleasantly rewarded if you do. We shared some apples and have received numerous treats in return.

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Anaxamenes t1_j7gube6 wrote

I think it's super valuable to know your neighbors. As an introvert though, it can be difficult for me to figure out how to go about that. I think for the most part you would be welcome and the introverts would be incredibly grateful that you made the effort. Sometimes it's just feeling like you know a name that really gets the ball rolling.

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Baiken31 t1_j7gx902 wrote

I definitely think you should go introduce yourself to your neighbors so they know who you are and you them.

This way if there is ever an emergency or want to build a fence or remove tree, etc. You know who to contact.

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101010-trees t1_j7f0agv wrote

In Rochester, just a little outside of Olympia, I live on a private street and I’ve met three people. I only remember one name and she has moved. I’ve been here for 10 years. Our properties are 5 acres a piece. It’s normal for people to keep to themselves where there’s a lot of space between. At my old house in Olympia, I’ve actually talked extensively with my neighbors on both sides of my house. And I do know their names. The property is 0.25 acre. So maybe it depends on the proximity. I tend to like to be left alone in the country. I do know that I could probably run to a neighbor if I’m getting murdered at both locations, so not entirely secluded.

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WrongWeekToQuit t1_j7gbcvc wrote

I do the passive thing of doing some hobby/chore outside and someone usually will wander by to chat or help. So wax those skis or build a giant piñata out on your driveway and you'll meet your neighbors :-)

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Wellcraft19 t1_j7gbiyr wrote

Go knock on the doors. Introduce yourself. Suggest a neighborhood get-together. Not as an HOA (if you have one) but as an ‘after work’ (having a few drinks together). You’ll soon realize these might be your best friends. I regret not having done it on day one, but over time, years later, wonderful neighbors are my best friends. We’ve had very little movement on the street (less than 20 houses) over that time.

Unless you’re in a truly weird area, you’ll find people far more open and inviting to this idea here, compared to in the south (both lived and traveled there) where people might be more open on the surface, but far shallower more of ‘mind your own business’ when it really comes down to it.

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codetaupe t1_j7h01z4 wrote

I bought my first house a year ago. Since moving out of my parents' house (in Seattle) I've moved around a lot and never really gotten to know my neighbors but I would like to now that I feel like I'll be in one place for a while. I'm not very outgoing so didn't feel comfortable just knocking on my neighbors' doors to introduce myself, but I don't think that would be weird (I certainly wouldn't have minded if someone did that to me). I did meet a few neighbors organically once the weather warmed up and people were out in their yards more, and other random things like a shared fence falling over or a dog escaping into our yard. Whenever that happens I try to remember to ask to exchange numbers. It's a slow process but it's nice to not feel anonymous in your own neighborhood.

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ObsessiveTeaDrinker t1_j7hx438 wrote

It completely depends on the neighborhood. I've lived in some where the neighbors brought over fresh baked cookies (yes in Seattle) and I invited them in and we chatted and became friends. Other neighborhoods, people pretend not to see you and turn away if you wave. There's no universal Seattle type, and you never know until you try to connect.

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Pristine_Read_7476 t1_j7gzxuu wrote

You know, folks are mixed from all over. Plenty of streets in North Carolina lined with Yankees just like it seems most people in Seattle are from somewhere else. I'd say just read the room.

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Walter-MarkItZero t1_j7h1ip8 wrote

Introducing yourself is fine, even nice. But if you don’t maintain contact, they will have forgotten your name within the week and you likely won’t talk to them again for six months.

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renownbrewer t1_j7jicru wrote

I like that our cultural norm isn't faux positivity and formality. I grew up in a very cohesive urban neighborhood in Seattle where I knew nearly all the neighbors on the block. There was plenty of social interaction without what I consider to be odd cultural baggage.

I was allowed to roam the block freely as an elementary school aged child (it wasn't that much of a simpler time there were weirdos around and we knew to leave the needles alone). As I grew older I watched their kids, mowed their lawns, and took care of their pets. The spirit of mutual assistance was pretty real, we kept a few neighbors in their homes well past the time they were capable of fully independent living. If something was ever amiss my parents either had house keys or could figure out who did.

I see this as being a functional society. Greet your neighbors, pet their dogs, be obvious about participating in trick or treating, etc.

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PM_me_your_cocktail t1_j7mo0n4 wrote

When we first moved to our neighborhood, we had one neighbor who came by to meet us and give us a tin of homemade herbal tea. Several others we met organically over time, like when one of us was doing yardwork and the other was walking by with a dog. Maybe it's been the wrong season for the kinds of outdoor work that lend themselves to a casual hello, or maybe your lots are too large to easily say hi from one driveway to another. Regardless, I don't think there's anything odd (even here in the NW) about knocking on a neighbor's door just to say hi and introduce yourself, especially if it's the house next door or across the street.

But actually most of our neighbors we met during National Night Out, which is the first Tuesday in August. Our block, like many in Seattle, closes down to car traffic and does a potluck BBQ in the middle of the street. Your private street may have someone who takes the lead on planning something similar, and National Night Out is a pretty good excuse. (It started in the 1970s as an offshoot to Neighborhood Watch, on the theory that neighbors should recognize each other so they can recognize when suspicious strangers are present.) Maybe start by knocking on the door of your next door neighbors, and as part of that 5-minute conversation ask whether there is any kind of community gathering during the summer and, if so, who has planned it in the past. If you want to bring some of that Southern hospitality to your block, volunteering to help plan a community event is a pretty great long-term option.

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Ok-Composer-5627 t1_j7sz284 wrote

I moved here about a month ago from California. I found people here much more neighborly tbh, atleast upon the initial move in and first meet. Granted I am in an apartment complex so its hard not to see people, but for the most part everyone was pretty friendly, intro'd themselves and at the very least throw out a "good morning" or a wave.

I think you'll be fine, especially since you're very aware of the possibility that people really won't want to interact much beyond a "hello I'm x" and the occasional greeting.

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sushieater6969 t1_j7m0ht7 wrote

Born and raised in Tacoma. I live on a private street for close to a decade. Whenever I see a new neighbor moving in, I always make it a point to introduce myself and welcome them to the neighborhood. No one enjoys being the new person and not knowing anyone. I like make myself be the person that makes that person feel like they are welcome in their new house. It’s a good neighborhood and neighbors came over to introduce themselves when I moved in. It instantly made me happy we had purchased in our neighborhood and it made me feel a connection right away, as well. Before phones became so prevalent, humans wouldn’t second guess going over to meet a new neighbor.

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