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Successful_Craft3076 t1_ja19nwc wrote

Your contract is about Ryan. A 45 year old Irish man. "He was a very cool brother, he was the best, always got my back. Drinking and brawling with me every night at the pub. Now he is lame as shit" His brother Patrick tells you.

"He is pissing wine all of the sudden. Literal wine! And last night I saw him glowing like the sun itself. I tell you mate, Something is wrong with Ryan."

He is right. You can feel something is wrong. Very wrong. Your sixth sense rarely makes mistakes.

Where is he? You ask, "upstairs, please be careful. He is too kind. It is too risky." You take your Necronomicon and goat blood and go upstairs. As you are ascending the stairs, you can hear beautiful church hymns and children's laughter. A blinding white light is coming from under the room's door. And that smell. Orchids and lilies. You knock. "Mr Ryan. May I come in?"

"Of course my friend. Come join me. I am singing in honor of Jesus. our saviour. " You need to act and you need to act fast, whoever occupied Ryan's body is getting stronger every second. "My lord Satan, may blood, fire and sin, consume the soul of every useless human. Please guide this very nice guy into hell."

Suddenly Ryan screams in pain. "What are you doing you devil! Stop it! In the name of the father, and of the son and of the holy spirit..." You release a mighty shout: "Behold! the blood of the hell goat, fed by a virgin and done by the village's fool" and without any delay you proceed to spill it on Ryan. "God, it is cold! Gross!"

You call Patrick: "come here fast. We need to tie him up to bed". When it is done. You tell Patrick: "We need to act while that thing is weak. Hurry up. Get undressed! Now!"

He is hesitant for a few seconds, then he gets fully undressed. "Dance! Move your junk! Yes. The Filthier the better! That's the stuff!" Ryan trying so hard to cover his eyes but his hands are tied. "That's wrong and indecent, stop it at once!" Then his voice changes. "Enough! I didn't left the heaven for this!" You can have you filthy brother. I tried my best to help him. May the lord have mercy on his soul.

Suddenly the whole room fills with light. You can see a beautiful and divine being leaving Ryan's body. He is so pure, so breathtakingly beautiful, so otherworldly calm you almost fall in love, but you resist the urge to do the right thing. "In the name of one true son of a bitch I banish thee. Go back to your elitist boring home and never come back!"

Suddenly heavenly hymns and the smell of orchids and lilies fades.Now the room smells like a mixture of puck, booze and sweat and unwashed sacks. The scent of a real man. Ryan is unconscious but he will recover. Patrick thanks you and gives you your reward. You won this battle. But not the war. Heaven will strike again. And when it does. You will be ready for them.


MagicTech547 OP t1_ja1a3ci wrote

Nice one! I like how you inverted the stereotypical story


Successful_Craft3076 t1_ja1bqd3 wrote

Edited. It is 5 am where I live. Hope you guys excuse me for possible typos and grammar errors. It will get much better by a few edits.


MagicTech547 OP t1_ja1bwah wrote

Perfectly fine by me, feel free to fix as much as you like


shaw7ygo7lowes7 t1_ja28yb9 wrote

>He is so pure, so breathtakingly beautiful, so otherworldly calm you almost fall in love, but you resist the urge to do the right thing.

💀💀💀 Your story is perfect thank you for making my night 😂


Stepbackrelax t1_ja1qz52 wrote

"If man is forced to be good, then there is no free will."

"That doesn't explain why you taped my husband to his office chair."

"Well, he's possessed by an angel."

I continued wrapping the duct tape around him as I spoke, up until the 6 foot tall bearded man was nowhere to be seen under a pile of silver mummy wrappings. I handed my card to his distressed husband. "Name's Petunia, from the church of freedom from oppression. Been in the business for a long time."

He stared at the card, looked up at me, and glared. "What? We're Buddhists. Why would anyone be possessed by an angel? Besides, I have a feeling God takes offense to our lifestyle."

I shook my head and dug a novelty pepper shaker out of my bag, a fat cartoon chef with holes in his hat, faded with age. "I'm going to shake this dust over your husband and I'll be off."

"What's in it?"

"Well it was once grave dust but some scientists figured out what the part was that angels don't like about it, extracted it, and concentrated it. We call it angel mace. Won't hurt humans."

A white lie. Humans had varying reactions to angel mace over a certain threshold, most of which were unpleasant. But not fatal, at least I'd never seen one. I dumped the shaker over his head and gave it three good shakes. The tied up husband began to convulse as light leaked through the duct tape.

"What the-"

"Oh boy it's a big one. Small ones don't glow like that." I grumbled, and unscrewed the top of the shaker. Some angels took a few extra shakes. For this one, I dumped the whole thing.

"STOP" a voice boomed as an amalgamation of wings and eyes split the tape and fell onto the floor with a wet thud. "I YIELD"

I took a long, black rod out from my bag, pressed it into the angel on the floor, and pushed the button. The wings convulsed.

"Is that some sort of anti angel taser?" the concerned husband asked.

"No its just a regular stun baton, they work pretty well against naked angels. Shoo, you, get out of here." As I prodded the angel, the wings folded out of the air and the eyes closed. Soon, there was no trace of it.

"Did you just kill an angel?" The husband asked.

"I wish. Probably ruined its weekend though. Never seen one die before. Anyway, I trust that was the proof you needed. I'll be off now."

A muffled grunt made us turn towards the duct tape mummy, still in the office chair.

"My mistake, almost forgot." I got the trauma shears from my belt and started working on freeing the host. "Third one today, last one was a screamer. Brain's a little fried. Anyway, you were possessed by an angel for the last... couple years. I'd ease back into your old life slowly. Sounds like you married this guy; he'll be able to tell you what's going on. I have a bus to catch."

I removed the duct tape from the bound man's mouth, and heard something I'd never heard before. Usually, they scream, curse me out, or threaten me. "Behind you!" he screamed hoarsely.

I spun around just in time to see his husband sneaking up on me with a hand outstretched, clutching a strange herb. Fuck. I was going to miss my bus.

"That was the strongest angel I've seen in a while. You have some talent." I said, stalling for time. The stun baton lay on the floor about ten feet away in my bag, completely useless.

"God is good." The husband said, and the herb glowed brighter. I'd never seen one of those up close before. Staring into its light, I could hear a cacophony of voices start to force its way into my head. Remembering my training, I glanced down to my belt. Nothing, except for an empty pepper shaker. An empty, heavy porcelain pepper shaker in the shape of a fat chef. It would do. I took a step forward into the light and clubbed the husband across the face with the shaker. He stumbled a bit, and as the previously tied up man stuck out a leg to trip him, he fell onto the plant. The light engulfed him.

"We need to go. Bringing it close to you possesses you. If you just lie on top of it I don't know what's going to happen." I pulled the tied up man up to his feet, grabbed my bag, and drew out a brown paper package, pressing a red button on the side and sticking it on top of the convulsing husband.

"What's in the package? That angel mace stuff you used on me or some sort of a pulse grenade?"

"Pulse grenade? No, that's five sticks of dynamite on a 30 second timer. We need to go."

We ran outside and threw ourselves into the bushes as the house exploded behind us.

"Let me guess, angels are tough but scientists discovered it takes five sticks of dynamite to kill one?"

"Kill one? No, the dynamite was to destroy the plant. An angel in a host's body is much stronger. That much would only slow it down. Going to need to call in backup for this one."


ehwhynotiguess t1_ja1mmac wrote

Wicked deeds plague this world, sin corrupts it to the bone. That is what we are told from the time of our birth to the time of our death. We know in our hearts that there is evil in this world, but alongside that is the ultimate test. We are free, free to decide what we as humanity will do to help each other or hurt each other. That freedom is questioned and countered by the beings of a place said to be a holy kingdom. “Our god in heaven” they say, but we know better.

For if his kingdom were still there his servants would not wander the Earth as devils do, taking human hosts under their service to bring an end to the freedom we have enjoyed since creation. We will not take kindly to their intrusions of God’s will, and if they abandon their post we will take up the mantle and ensure the duty is fulfilled. I take the word of god into my hands, potent and holy. I use his words to bless his creations back to their service and keep in order the kingdom of Earth and Heaven.

There is no sweeter service for an exorcist than to banish. I shall banish good and evil alike until I breath my last breath.


MiaIRL t1_ja2aqy6 wrote

"O Great Father, Great Lord, hear me in prayer..."

I stop listening to the man I've been contracted to Exorcise. Jeffrey Dahmer, age six.

At the start of the Fifth Multiversal War, Satan created the Angel Exorcism Task Force. As angels across Universe 12A began violently taking over people's bodies, one even going as far as to manipulate life and death, we were the only people trained to save them.

I walk into the room, silent like the parasite that I am. As he finishes his nightly prayer and turns around, he sees me.

Acting on nothing but primal instinct given to me by Satan himself, I begin opening a vial of Sinbugs. As he opens his mouth, I force him to swallow the bugs, and begin The Dancing Spider's Ritual.

Dahmer may have been a terrible murderous bastard, but others that we've saved have gone on to do beautiful things. Tony Stark, Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King.

Most people aren't Jesus Christ or Muhammad, but those people also have free will. And sometimes, if you give a man free will, he'll do amazing things. Other times, he'll commit several murders and keep his victims' genitals in his freezer.


KumiAndStars t1_ja2l3hm wrote

"Come here David, please, sit down"

The man did what he asked, playing around with his fingers while he scanned the room he was in.

It was quite old-fashioned, kinda what you would expect of a detective's office or a CEO's. Full of books, strange tools and trinkets (Why are there so many mirrors here?), some photographs and a corkboard with various notes and images, all connected with red strings. His thoughts were interrupted by the boy's voice, who looked at him in interest

"So, Mr ..."

"Just use my name" It's not like I want to give you any more info, thought David

"Alright Mr David, whatever you're more comfortable with" The boy gave him a friendly smile. He was pretty young, younger than expected at least, couldn't be more than twenty. He had slightly long black hair and some curious purple-ish eyes that looked as if they were analysing your soul. "You don't know why you're here, do you?"

David shook his head. He got a call from his boss, saying that he was needed in the exorcism and necromancy wing, which was pretty weird since he's never had any kind of connection with sorcery, unlike some of his co-workers who needed weekly inspections, you know things of working with fae and other beings. But him, as one of the few humans in the office?

"Well, as you might know, I'm Raymond, the one in charge for all the sorcery stuff and keeping all of our sweet friends from their wild instincts, plus I also keep this place safe from all kinds of spirits, demons and... angels." David looked at him, confusion in his face

"Angels...? But... Aren't they supposed to, you know, be holy and protect us?" Raymond let out some laughter

"Oh my, so innocent Mr David! Very well, let me give you a real quick Speciology lesson" He got down from his chair, walking towards the corkboard, pointing out at the photos. Most of them were kind of blurry, some with red splashes coming from somewhere outside of the camera frame and some weird light to them "These... are all photos of murders commited by angels. Why you may be asking? Because, angels are supposed to protect those who are out of sin, now, tell me Mr David, have you ever looked at the sun when you were a kid?"

"Uhhh... Yes...?"

"Then you're not out of sin, are ya?" He grinned, pointing at more photos "The angels consider that an offense, since they praise the Sun more than anything. They are very strict about their beliefs and to them, we are nothing more than worthless and pathetic bugs that they can step over at any given second... Oh! And don't get me started on Weeping Angels! You've probably heard of those, am I right Mr David?"

He took a few seconds to think "The beauty angels that uhh... kill you if you ever stop looking at them... right?"

"Ding ding ding! Correct Mr David. Do you still think they're the harmless and holy creatures you said they were?"

David shook his head again, looking away from the boy's gaze, although it's a little complicated with his look reflected in so many places "I still don't know why am I here though..."

Raymond stayed in silence for a few seconds, taking out a photo from one of the corners, which he's been hiding in his pocket for a while "Well Mr David... I was hoping you would explain this to me" The image showed something bright, and somehow anthropomorphic but with many eyes all looking in different directions, all of them secreting a golden fluid, as if they were crying "...Or should I call you Archangel David... ? One of the deadliest and most famous weeping angels..."


Beemare666 t1_ja2cbst wrote

“Bloody hell,” I stared at the sight before me, gesturing like a madman in irritation, “first demons, now bloody angels. Is there a kick me sign on my back or somethin’?”

There stood a man, whose name I hadn’t cared to learn, right in front of me. The poor sod somehow got caught between divine intervention and ended up getting possessed by a rogue Angel. And thanks to my bloody luck, I had to be the one to deal with this mess.

“Angel,” I call out to the being on our mortal plane, “state your business in this man’s body, and I may just make the pain merciful.”

I wanted this to be over with, exorcisms were not my favourite past time. Especially dealing will Angels.

The Angel only stares at me through the man’s eyes as they approached me, “My business does not concern you, human. Leave.” The Angel’s steps continued, circling me, mocking me, “You think yourself a warlock?”

I grabbed a lighter from my pocket, flicking it, “What I think doesn’t concern you, mate. I’m here to rid this man of you so I get my pay.”

The Angel’s steps stopped, eyes observing me with a new interest. Curiosity. “You care not this human’s life? You care only of your reward?”

“Never met the man in my life, so no, I don’t particularly care for his life.” I turned and walked right up to the bugger, staring them in the eyes they didn’t own, “But I won’t let any of you bloody Angels harm us humans in one of your petty squabbles.

“You’re different from the others.” The Angel mused, “You’re much like your ancestors.”

Well. This just got interesting.


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