You must log in or register to comment.

DTJ20 t1_j9klip2 wrote

What I have for you today is something special. An ornate lock designed to keep back the legions of the damned. Now normally for this kind of lock I'd want to pick it in a vice, but we're going to be picking in situ today. Normally on this kind of lock id use my lishi tool, however I've instead fashioned a little tool from some metal I found in a river that I'm calling a lethe tool. This will be available on covert instruments, and link in the description below.

Okay, let's get started.

Click out of one...

Two is binding...

Bit of a false promise of heavenly eternity on 3...

And we have that open. Honestly the security on this lock was beyond poor. Let me just reset the lock and I'll show again so you know it wasn't a fluke.

Click out of 1...

Some counter rotation on 3...

And we have that open even faster than last time.

Now the gates that this lock is attached to is made out of concentrated good, so the legions of hell can't touch these without significant damage to themselves. Likely this lock was included to conform with some biblical law, or to be sold in the state of california.

Anyway, that's all I have for you today.


Elendur_Krown t1_j9ldvdo wrote

I read this aloud to my wife. We both agreed that you were very spot on with mimicking his style.

Thanks for a very amusing read!


lunarsight t1_j9neqzl wrote

100% - I could practically hear his voice in my head speaking as I read this. He has a very distinctive patter.


slyg t1_j9pqrj0 wrote

I agree too, the only think missing is the sound of the metal hitting metal


ryry1237 t1_j9lpgh8 wrote

> or to be sold in the state of california.

I'm dying here XD


ncc74656m t1_j9mce41 wrote

I have sent this to no less than a half dozen people. This is beautiful.


visionviper t1_j9kpduk wrote

This is the Lock Picking Lawyer and what I have for you today is this Olympus model 888 padlock. This is probably the rarest lock I have ever had on my channel, and I’m excited to share it with you. You’ll notice it’s currently locking these large gate doors made out of pearl but more on that later.

This padlock has a hardened steel shackle and a large, heavy body that should prove very effective against destructive physical attacks. Unfortunately this lock isn’t as secure as it should be for it’s typical usage. Let me show you what I mean.

This lock has a disk detainer core so first thing we’re going to do is rotate all those disks clockwise as far as they will go. Then I’m going to grab the pick that Bosnian Bill and I made and I’m going to tension off of disk number one.

Small click out of disk 2. Number 3 is binding… big click out of disk 3. Nothing on disk number 4. Disk 5 feels like a zero cut. Nice click out of disk number 6. Back to disk number 2. Number 2 is binding. Big click on disk number 2. Number 3 feels set. Disk number 4 is binding. Big click out of number 4 and we’ve got this open.

As you can tell this was relatively easy to open with the right tool. There were only 6 disks instead of the 10-12 we see in higher security locks and it didn’t have any anti-pick features.

Now let me go back to why I am picking this lock. It turns out that God hates lawyers just as much as everyone else and automatically sends them to hell. I didn’t think this was very fair and I thought maybe I could change His mind by helping Him secure His 12 gates better.

In any case, that’s all I have for you today. If you do have any questions or comments about this, please put them below. If you liked this video and would like to see more like it please subscribe. And as always, have a nice day.


randominternetfool t1_j9l3yc5 wrote

Totally expected the ‘more on this later’ To be a demonstration on how the gate material (pearl) is easily destroyed with a simple hammer.


FaceDeer t1_j9m0dql wrote

He also needs to relock it and pick it again to show it wasn't a fluke, and then ideally gut the lock to show us its inner workings.


Algaean t1_j9kzpxr wrote

Glad to hear it's not something you can open with a wave rake!


TheThirteenShadows t1_j9o8vr9 wrote

Hi there Mr. Lockpicking Lawyer. I am a member of the Angelic Defenders of Heaven. We would like to ask you a few questions, thank you!


jd_rallage t1_j9k9yj9 wrote

"Hello again, folks. Another day in purgatory, another video."

The Lockpicking Lawyer glanced back at the imp holding the video camera, and made a gesture that told it to keep the camera on the lock and off his face.

"I've been blown away by the response to my last few videos. I thought I would take the opportunity to answer a few questions that kept on coming up in the comments."

While he talked, the Lockpicking Lawyer took a mental inventory of the tools that he'd been able to acquire in the afterlife. Item 1: a surprisingly good set of lockpicks, and even though he shuddered every time he touched the soul-dark metal, he had the odd sensation that the picks seemed to find the lock pins of their own accord...

"Johnny69 - thanks for the kind words. As for how I've been able to get my tools, I was able to fashion the first lockpick out of one of my toe nails. Once I'd broken out of the hell-loop they were holding me in, I managed to find the cell where they were holding Leonardo de Vinci and he made me some extra kit."

Item 2: A stethoscope, made of bone and something red and fleshy that he tried not to think about. Since there had only been one safe that he'd had to crack while making his escape, he'd been able to keep it sealed in its case for the rest of the time.

"Many of you asked how I was able to record these videos. Well, Hell has wifi. I have to admit that the coverage is patchy, and they have a pretty strict firewall, but we managed to get around that to upload these videos to Youtube. As for the recording equipment... let's just say that I was fortunate enough to find a friend in the most unlikely of places."

The Lockpicking Lawyer cast another glance at this friend, the imp that called itself Kreffing, who was teetering under the weight of a large camcorder that had survived from the earliest days of digital recording technology. A doubt had been nagging at the back of his mind ever since he had first bumped into Kreffing, when he'd first broken out of his own hell-loop. The imp had been nothing but helpful - leading the Lawyer first to da Vinci, then to the hidden safe at the back of the office of one Asmodeus, Duke of Hell, and even sharing its own wifi password so that the Lawyer could engage with his followers on social media.

No, the Lockpicking Lawyer could find no fault with the imp Kreffing, and as a man who always found the loophole or flaw or vulnerability, it troubled him that Kreffing seemed to have none.

No fault except an annoying tendency to drift the camera away from the lock and towards the Lockpicking Lawyer's face instead. He spent his life keeping his face out of his videos, and he didn't propose to change that in death.

"Back on the lock, Kreffing," he reminded the imp (they would edit that line out in post), and then continued, "But today, folks, we have the lock you've all been waiting for. This lock was allegedly made by an omnipotent locksmith. It has apparently kept these pearly gates safe for millennia. They say that no unworthy soul has never made it past these gates."

He tapped the lock that was built into the gate itself.

"Unfortunately, it does not live up to its reputation. Frankly, I've bought better locks on AliExpress for a quarter. Technology has advanced a lot in the last few thousand years. All we need to do is take our lockpicks, adjust them a little to find the first pin... yes... then the second... and there, open.

"Only two pins, hardly adequate security for these modern times-"

He broke off, as the gates swung in and he saw what was inside.

Until that moment, the Lockpicking Lawyer had not realized just how badly he had wanted to get here. To be out of Hell. To be in Heaven. It had been a desire he had not dared to express, but a hope that had sustained him through the endless misery that was Hell.

A chuckle, inhuman and malicious, made the Lawyer spin around. As he did so, Kreffing panned the camera from the gates back to the Lawyer's face, capturing the moment that hope died. The moment that despair found the Lawyer, the true despair of Hell that made all the previous dread seem like happy memories.

"But this was where I started," he said to Kreffing, pleading even though he knew the answer. "This was my first hell loop."

The imp was still laughing. Its mirth racked its little frame, and the camcorder wobbled violently enough to make even the iron-stomached viewer feel nauseous.

Just before the hell-loop ended (and just before the hell-loop started) there was enough time for the Lockpicking Lawyer to wonder if any of the views and comments had been real, or whether that, too, was part of this.

More stories at /r/jd_rallage


tobybug32 t1_j9l8c3s wrote

This prompt comes around once in a while, but this is the first response I've seen that wasn't just a straight replication of his video style. Not that I don't appreciate the accurate replications, I just like to see a story with a twist. Good writing.


ARandomPileOfCats t1_j9m1ur8 wrote

[6666] Pearly Gates Lock: Incredible but flawed precision.

"Much as I suspected, I have been informed that all the time I spent filling my wife's beaver and playing with my 18-inch long Johnson resulted in my eternal damnation. Unfortunately but unsurprisingly, it seems that all of the gates of Hell are sealed with Master Locks, so after several eternities of crawling through lakes of fire and brimstone I have arrived at what appears to finally be a lock that seems to be worth my time.

This challenge lock has apparently been sent to me by an anonymous viewer known only by the name of Peter. Oddly enough, it arrived attached to a set of pearly gates, and there seems to be some indescribably glorious reward behind them, which I hope is chocolate since it has been countless lifetimes since I have been able to find any in the godforsaken wasteland I have been consigned to. I am unable to identify a brand on this particular lock, but whoever made this lock does not appear to have skimped on the materials, as the outer shell appears to be made out of gold.

I cannot tell exactly what materials the lock is made out of, but in many previous videos I have already covered in great detail the low-skill attacks that can be executed against such soft materials, so in the interest of avoiding unnecessary smiting I will refer you to those videos. In the meantime, this particular lock seems to be of curious workmanship, and as far as I can tell has been made with the utmost precision. I cannot identify the core, but nonetheless it does appear that it should be susceptible to the Covert Companion that me and the damned soul of BosnianBill were able to forge out of a smuggled demonic sword from the fires of Hell.

For this particular lock I'm going to use my 0.0032" thick turner with bottom of the keyway tension and a hook for single-pin picking, as this particular lock does not appear to be susceptible to the wave rake. I am also expecting to see many security pins in this lock.

Nothing on 1, 2 is binding, click out of 3, nothing on 4 or 5, 6 is binding, so let's go back. Click out of 1, nothing on 2, 3 seems to be in a false set and seems to be a spool pin. Getting some counterrotation on 4... And a nice click. Still nothing on 5, but 6 seems to be set. Going back to 3... And we got this open.

Okay folks, it may be easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter Heaven, but it seems that for only $90 plus shipping and handling on you too may be able to enter into the Kingdom of Heaven. Unfortunately I am unable to disassemble this lock as it seems to have somehow been designed without the use of any fasteners, and also because I am in a bit of a hurry, as there appear to be several demonic hordes following me. That said, in spite of the inexcusably poor security in Hell, I still cannot recommend escaping eternal damnation as a means to enter into Heaven.

In any case, that's all I have for you this eternity, if you do have any comments, please pray them down below, and as always, thanks for watching, have a nice day."


Liblast64 t1_j9mci1e wrote

Lockpickinglawyer: Hello guys this is the lock picking lawyer and today i have quite the video for you guys, you see after i died god deemed me a ungreatefull sinner for showing people who watch my videos how to steal a plethora of items from innocent civilians qnd break into their homes, cars, businesses, etc. But after making my way through the danmed and going on a highstakes adventure with other fallen people, i made it to the golden gates of heaven, and there appears to be a masterlock keeping these giant gates together

Random angel gate gaurdian 1: hey you, what are you doing over there

Lockpickinglawyer: sorry for the background noise, there is a gaurd who is calling out to me, for the sake of this video ill just ignore it.

Rabdome gate gaurdian 1: im gonna come over there

Lockpicking lawyer: oh it seems we have now have a challenge for the video we have approximately 2 minutes to complete this pick job or i'll get my ass sent back to the 9th circle of hell but luckily it's a masterlock and using my lockpickinglawyer lockpicks, link to these tools in the description btw, i can easily crack it open anyways i get a click out of one

Random gate gaurdian 1: Hey he's picking the blessed masterlock

Random gate gaurdian 2: but god said no one is able to pick it we better hurry

Lockpickinglawyer: a click out of 2 and a wiggle out of 3, looking over my right shoulder i can tell we have a minute left so i better hurry, anyways i get a click out of 3, move back to 1 and we have completed the challenge now all i have to do is enter anyways maybe god should spend less time stalking the destined sinners on earth and more time in investing in a better lock, anyways that is all for today hope you like and subscribe and in the next video i'll reincarnate and lockpick open the doors that lead to the catacombs of the vatican

Random gate gaurdian 1: well shit what are we gonna tell micheal

Random gate gaurdian 2: i think our chances are better we just head straight to hell ourselves


AutoModerator t1_j9jqhif wrote

Welcome to the Prompt! All top-level comments must be a story or poem. Reply here for other comments.


>* No AI-generated reponses 🤖 >* Stories 100 words+. Poems 30+ but include "[Poem]" >* Responses don't have to fulfill every detail >* [RF] and [SP] for stricter titles >* Be civil in any feedback and follow the rules

🆕 New Here? ✏ Writing Help? 📢 News 💬 Discord

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.


WeirdGamerAidan t1_j9l9tg5 wrote

The question is, with LPL's location, is the video now downloaded to YouTube?


chacham2 t1_j9jro90 wrote


dragonadamant t1_j9kbzv4 wrote

I was wondering that too but figured it probably meant a literal gate.


chacham2 t1_j9kcb35 wrote

What if the cult really did get on the hidden ship, and the LPL was cracking open their special area. That might make a more interesting story. :)