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ArsenicElemental t1_j8ihvc0 wrote

"No, that can't be true."

Andrew nods at Lewis.

"Yeah, Lou, think about it. What do we export to the Xandrians?"

"Metal... gems... but come on, they live on a gas giant, they can't produce it themselves! It only makes sense we..."

"It's not one thing, it's the result of everything."

"Still, it's too much to assume they-"

Andrew interrupts him again.

"When they celebrate Earth day in Neptune, what kind of food do they share?"

"Come on, that's speciesist."

"Answer me, what's our dish in outer space?"

Lewis sighs. Defeated, he admits.


"It's beer, it's fucking beer."

"But Earth Day has its roots in Oktoberfest, it's not like they made it on purpose!"

"Root shmoot, it doesn't matter. When Gardion Prime thinks aout us, they picture hairy, short drunkards that export metalwork."

"We are so much more than that..."

"Yes, we are, but that's not the point Lou."

"Ok, ok" Lewis straightens on the chair, ready to deal his final blow to Andrew's argument. "What about our scientist, explorers, artists and whatever?"

"Oh, you mean Penelope Schaffer, and her work on Arious III? What was it?"

"Yes, she was a geologist, bu-"

"Or Cacius, the best jeweler in the galaxy."

"That's no-"

"The Abioye family did colonize and terraform plenty planets. For their mining operation."

"You are just cherry picking now!"

"Name me one famous Earthling that has not been filtered through the flanderinzing ray, come on."

"Ah... there's... Well, the crew of Pleiades doesn't count, they were testing new spacefaring technology..."

Muttering to himself, Lewis eventually falls silent.

"Fine, we are space-dwarves."

"Still very speciesist, but yeah."

"And do you think some species out there would be the space-elves?"

Andrew's face twists in horror. "Dude, don't even joke about that. Super offensive to Martians."

"What? But you just-"

"Shame on you Lou, shame on you."