Have you ever had God speak to you? I don't mean in mysterious ways, vague signs, or through events in your life. I mean direct, concise, clear communication.

It started 3 months after I caught my wife cheating on me.

When I found out, there was crying, yelling, hugging, excuses, and more. My emotions had been all over the place, but the wounds were slowly healing. 3 months of bi-weekly therapy, soul searching, and trying to trust again. We even booked a short vacation to a local beach, even though it was Winter. We both loved the sound of the waves, the smell of salt, and the calm of the air. I woke up early to catch the sun rise over the sand, when I saw a text light up on her phone. Somehow I knew before I checked what it was, but I had to confirm.

After discovering that the promises and progress made over the last 3 months were a lie, I went to the beach alone. I didn't wake her up. As much as I despised her actions, she did not deserve to see what happened next.

I stripped to my underwear, and began working up the courage to wade into the cold nothingness that quietly lapped around my ankles. But then I saw the dawn light reflect off something near my foot, and could not believe it. A glass bottle, like from a movie, with a message inside. Cowardly wishing to prolong my life a few minutes more, I decided to read the message.

Kill her.

I thought that this had to be a joke from teenagers meant to rile up someone, but it still affected me. And made me think, profoundly, about my intentions. If I died, who would I hurt? My parents, my friends, or even my wife? As much as I was angry, and I was furious, I couldn't stand the thought of her deep in depression contemplating what I was currently contemplating. So, I got dressed and returned.

The divorce went smoothly, she didn't try to make my life worse. But my mind began to unravel, or at least I thought so. About once a week, I would find a sticky note with the same 2 words, etched onto the paper like the scribble of a mad man.

Kill her.

I was hoping that, just maybe, I was writing these in my sleep and that it would end after the divorce. But then the voices began.

Every morning I woke up, an intrusive thought entered my mind.

Kill her.

I handled it well, at first. I could ignore the instructions of insane thoughts. Even as the frequency of the thoughts increased, I paid them no heed. I would not harm someone else. It was annoying, but manageable, until I ran into her at the grocery store.

I still remember seeing her beautiful face appear around the aisle. A jar was blocking the way partially, but I was still mesmerized by her, after everything she did. When she when the corner we made eye contact, and I saw her holding the hands of the man who destroyed me marriage.

KILL HER.

The voice turned into dissonant whispers in my mind.

kill her Kill Her KILL HER KILL HER!

I covered my ears but it did not help. The screeching reached a crescendo as I fell to my knees. I tried to drown out the screams with my own, but it did not work. A hand touched my shoulder, a threat, something evil. The voice became manifest. I grabbed a jar off the shelf, roaring as I swung, and smashed the jar against it. The threat slumped, and quieted. But then the laughing began, quiet at first, but then as loud as a rockslide.

Sonehow I knee before I checked who the corpse was, but I had to confirm. The voice, with the power of God, finally got what it demanded.

I killed her.