"This is a corpse," Florbeek said. Bear in mind, his name is not actually "Florbeek," but it the closest approximate spelling to the sounds of his name.

"We are aware, sir," Nalpod said. See the note on Florbeek's name? Yeah, that applies to Nalpod's as well.

"We found him like this," Walrus added. His name actually is Walrus. It's a surprising anomaly of linguistics that every planet has at least one language that makes use of "walrus" in some capacity. Theories abound, but no one really cares but the linguists, and the last linguist we all cared about was better known for his fiction writing.

"Well, clearly. He is well decayed."

"Yes, but he is their leader," Walrus tried again. He felt it was important to justify the find as he'd had to do the digging. And by hand as the digging bot had refused to desecrate corpses. He would have to talk about a reprogramming session at the next bot care meeting, though he suspected it would have him watching another sensitivity training.

"So you are saying the humans actively follow this rotted body?"

"Worship might be a better word." Nalpod said, while sliding in front of Walrus. Her partner was sometimes... oversensitive about failure. She'd still not figured how they had screwed up, but this was obviously not right, based on the wobble of Florbeek's flanges. The captain was growing more angry the more Walrus spoke, but her words seemed to have calmed him some. "There are impossible stories of him. One of my favorites is a preposterous claim that he was shot by an assassin, survived, and mocked the man's failure in a speech immediately after. Ah the legends these humans create, embellishing the lives of their heroes."

She had stopped watching Florbeek as she rambled on, or she'd have shut her vocal flap on the word "favorites" on seeing his flanges. They shook like a flag in a hurricane.

"Clearly, this Theodore Roosevelt is not the active leader of these backwards yokels. I'm giving you a second chance here to get it right. Now go."

"Do you want us to put him back?" Walrus pointed at the corpse.

"I don't care, as long as you get it out of my ship," he said, and disappeared through the wall leading to his personal quarters, hoping a soak in some hexane would relieve his stress.

"I told you we had the wrong one," Walrus whispered.

"I know, I know."

"Ok, so you can dig up Franklin yourself."

"Fine, but at least help me put this one back."

“The humans on the continent of this leader are rather active,” the intelligence officer says as he calmly observes the human pacing side to side in the containment unit. They are reminded briefly of the behavior of captive predators back home, a thought which is quickly dismissed.

“I fail to see how a bunch of tribal primitives massing their males outside their population centers generates cause for concern,” the lieutenant-captain responds, having already lost interest in the science department’s newest research project. “Their most advanced travel technology right now can leave the ground for minutes, at best.”

“Officer Xarlnab wouldn’t be troubling us if he hadn’t considered something, and given the hostility our current specimen has kept up for the last couple weeks, we should hear him out.” The captain’s calm respect for his officers was why he was considered such a capable commander, and why the mission to assess sentience and risk had been assigned to him in the first place. The lieutenant-captain wiggles his arms in deference.

“Well, and this is a long shot, but the continent we obtained our tribal leader from isn’t the only place that has turned into a hive of activity. The more developed continent on the same side of the equator has seen an explosion of activity in a metalworks that appears to be dedicated to the manufacture of weapons, marked ‘Gussstahlfabrik’ in one of the local languages. I believe they may be attempting to manufacture a combustion projectile weapon capable of reaching us, which, as absurd as it may sound, calculations of their capabilities suggest may be possible.” Officer Xarlnab stands stock still, equally nervous and dutiful.

Captain Nargrm flutters his electrosensors thoughtfully, giving his head the illusion of slowly moving side to side. He approaches the window of the containment unit, where the human has stopped pacing and is now staring back out the window, shoulders taught and square, legs in a stable shoulder width position. “Do we know if all tribes respond to the loss of a leader with such activity? Are we sure this movement is related, and if such is it being done with viole-“ his sentence cuts off as a fist explodes through the polymer window and seizes a forward arm of the captain. Before either officer or lieutenant-captain can react, the screaming cuts out. The door to the cell shatters in the same explosive manner, and the earth leader steps through, now armed with a long bone ripped from the body of the captain.

“I don’t believe I’ve had a chance to introduce myself,” Theodore Roosevelt says through a savage looking grin. “Where I come from,” he growls as he lifts the bone to shoulder height and launches into a sprint, “I’m called the Big Stick!”

“General, we believe we have identified a country with significant power and resources we can control.” “Good job Commander, what is it?” “Well sir they call themselves ‘The United States of America,’ it appears to be some sort of republic that is ruled by a group of people who make the laws but only one person decides if these laws actually go in place or not. This is our target Theodore Roosevelt.” The Commander holds up a picture for the general to see. “Good job Commander. Abduct him at once and hold him in interrogation room one for containment and brainwashing.” “At once sir.”

The Commander goes down to where his team is located, right outside interrogation room one. “Ok team we have been given the green light to abduct Theodore Roosevelt. Do this right and we will have control of an entire country and soon the planet.” One of the aliens flicks a switch and a green light appears in interrogation room one “Commander there’s a problem.” “What is it private?” “It appears another life form has been caught in the abduction process, sensors indicate it is known to humans as a ‘Bull-Moose.’” “No matter, just send the other life form into interrogation room two. I will send a team down there to investigate and see if it has potential to be of use or if it will be better off terminated.” “Right away sir.”

The abduction process completes and a guy who does not look that impressive is left in interrogation room one. “All this for one weak human” the commander mutters annoyed. “I am much more worthy then this feeble assignment I just wish the Empress could see the same” the commander mutters to himself. “You all can go down to interrogation room two, I will deal with this human myself.” “Sir yes sir” the staff says in unison as they make their way down the hallway to interrogation room two. The commander types in his code and the door to interrogation room one opens. “Hello. You must be Theodore Roosevelt leader of the United States. I am Commander Algeon of the Galactic Milky Way Empire. Let's make this easy shall we?” Algeon says condescendingly. “Agree to submit to my Empress and our empire will give you all the resources you will need to take over your feeble world. We will even make you a lord of Earth and you will be free to rule unopposed by anyone. What do you say?”

Theodore Roosevelt thinks for a while then says “It’s Teddy.” Algeon, a bit confused, says “What?” Teddy Roosevelt gives a slight smile and says “You will call me Teddy Roosevelt, soon to be President Teddy Roosevelt of the United States of the Milky Way. Submit to me and renounce your Empress and I promise I won’t hurt you.” Enraged Algeon says “How dare you speak to me in that way I shall have y-” Algeon is suddenly cut off by alarms buzzing on the ship. “Those incompetent fools probably couldn’t contain the moose. We will talk later.” As Algeon is turning to leave Teddy Roosevelt suddenly gets up and punches Algeon through the door. More alarms start blaring as Teddy Roosevelt walks out of the broken door and says “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” When Teddy Roosevelt fully clears the door he looks to his left and sees a bunch of aliens trying to stun the bull moose that is throwing them around like rag dolls. Teddy Roosevelt thinks to himself “This will be way too easy.”

He walks over to where the moose is and pushes a few aliens out of the way, one soldier who has a cattle pronged like object says “Hey you shouldn’t be here go back to your cell or I will shoot!” Teddy Roosevelt picks up this alien and easily throws him aside on top of a group of aliens. Teddy Roosevelt picks up what looks to be a sword off the ground and mounts the moose. “There there, no need to be afraid we have aligned interests. Now go that way!” The moose takes off up the stairs and makes his way to the bridge. The general hears all of the commotion and sees Teddy charging up the stairs on top of a moose and holding a Sword.

“What the hell is that? Did that bumbling commander really mess up this bad?” The general picks up his own sword and trips the moose. Teddy Roosevelt goes flying but lands on his feet. The general says “I am the general of this fleet and this ends here. You will either submit to us or die.” Teddy Roosevelt says “I don’t think so. You are to either leave and never come back to earth or I will fight and kill you with my bare fists and take this fleet for the United States.” Teddy Roosevelt throws his sword to the side. The general smirks and says “Attention everyone on this ship. I am going to fight and kill this weak human. If he somehow manages to kill me with nothing but his bare fists you are to obey his every word.” The general then runs at Teddy Roosevelt and violently swings his sword. Teddy Roosevelt ducks under the blade and punches the general in the back of the head. Killing him instantly. Teddy Roosevelt then announces to the ship “Attention everyone. Our first stop is the capital building in Washington DC where I will officially make all of you soldiers of America and you will share your technology with us. After that we will go on a mission and overthrow the Empire which will be reformed into the Galactic Republic!” Roars of applause fill the ship.

The bemused group stayed behind the viewing glass, and were amazed that even with their sound holes blocked they could STILL hear the outraged roaring coming from the rather immense leader of humans. They could not understand what had angered this large human so. They saw that this being was intelligent enough to allow a scan and investigation of the upper sight and hearing organs, and tho was agitated, allowed further investigation of the breath, the movement of "blood " , the "heart ". Yet when their attendant moved downward to check on systems involved with mating, already wrongly assured by their acceptance and apparent understanding , they were knocked to the ground. Now, all the staff of the science deck were assembled. "Should we send our AI unit in, Captain ? " Valoo asked the head science officer . " We cannot , even if they will calm down and answer our questions logically find anything out from mere questioning: This being is unaware of their own systems of reproduction, and only the most amusingly childlike images were shown us from the telepathy bot." Valoo snickered. The Captain was not amused in the least. " We cannot afford to have any of our limited AI capacity destroyed " Let's wait awhile. WHY would a check of their reproductive capacity cause such great rage, "!the Captain muttered. "This one is STILL making those, those noises."

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the alien empire was looking out from their spaceship which was a scout ship looking down on earth inspecting it. they could see all years of earth in front of them.

'Which one will we pick to take the president from?' asked one of the aliens to the other alien. The other alien laughed back 'let's pick one at random!' then they picked 1885 which is the year the president theodore roosevelt was in power.

The aliens continued to laugh at how foolsih the earth was for letting their guard down just as the going was getting rough. It was the time when all presidents should be on their toes watching out for the dangers around and instead they were too busy with the economy

Theodore roosevelt wakes up in a cell on an alien planet. He realises right away that these aliens are not friendly like some idiots go around thinking. He knocks on the cage door and an alien guard comes up to him and asks whats wrong and then theodore roosevelt breaks out using his keys because he swipes them.

theodore roosevelt then jumps on the next alien he sees and uses the keys to take care of him. then one by one he takes care of all the aliens until he meets with the head alien.

he asks 'how were you able to do this?'

'well this is just a story' theordore roosevelt says 'and in this story one man can take care of the incoming threat but this is not true. in real life the things out there are dangerous and not to be messed with. even if the presidents did pay attention it wouldnt be enough

the end

maybe i will continue this in the morning but right now im too tired.