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ineedabettertitle OP t1_j9hxhpk wrote

"With our all-new product you can harness the power of electromagentic energy right in your own homes! Our leading technicians have even informed us, that it is relatively safe to stand next to it!

Do you hate food that is either too hot or too cold? Well why not have both? Our product uses ingenious methods to make the outside of the food boiling hot, while keeping the inside a nice freezing temperature.

Experience a flavour party in your mouth like never before!

Our newest model even includes a clock! It won't work, but now you always have something to blame if your ever late!

Our product comes in an exciting shape! Why own a boring circle when you can have a rectangle in your own home! You can look at it in wonder for hours on end! ^(on a side note- I am legally required to tell you not to look at it when active.)

Try the newest craze to hit the market since we brought you a hole that can store all your mess!