“You sure this is it?”

“Yes, yes, now go!”

‘Samuel’, as he would come to be known, hesitantly strode over to the entry door of the coffee shop, one foot in front of the other.

Come on, he thought to himself, you spent weeks practicing the human method of walking in basic training- so get it over with!

But just before he could slide stealthily into the coffee shop, his fingers trembling on the entrance doorknob, a surge of nervousness swarmed his body and made its way to his mind’s gates, overwhelming him.

He snuck away from the area and immediately turned toward the invisible ship to voice his concerns. “You’re… you’re absolutely, 100% certain, 100% sure, that this costume is working?”

“…Samuel.”

“What? It’s a genuine concern-“

“Samuel. Don’t you think, if the disguise were to be broken, that everyone in the area outside the shop, as well as literally all of the people in this general area, would notice and point it out?”

Samuel exhaled a sigh of contempt and responded haphazardly. “If… if you say so.”

Approaching the coffee shop for a second time, Samuel willed himself to the task and forced his way in. He swore he could feel the burning gazes of every onlooker being branded into the back of his head- but a quick survey around himself disproved his anxiety. He turned back to the front of the shop, his eyes now lazed in relief.

“Oh… for God’s sakes, what are you doing? Just standing there? Get to the task at hand or I’ll just come in myself and do it!”

Samuel instantly shot up straight- an action that drew some attention toward him. But the curious looks and prying stares soon faded into the air as the customers realized nothing of importance was transpiring.

Now newly motivated, Samuel made an order for a cup of coffee and sat at an empty table. It wasn’t long before his name was called to go up and retrieve his beverage.

But, according to plan, Samuel did not return to his original table upon paying for his drink. Instead, he located the table over, where, sat in one of two chairs, was a mostly absorbed woman with glossy red hair and glasses obscuring some of the dimples spread out on her cheeks.

Samuel approached and pulled out the chair in front of her. “May I?” he asked.

The lady pulled off her headphones and stared at him, her attention fully absorbed in his stunning looks. For, to make this conducted case study much easier and more efficient, the alien’s disguise was made much more generally attractive in a way that the aliens hypothesized would stimulate human love and attachment. And it was clear that it was working.

“S-sure, go ahead…” she stammered.

Samuel sat down with a surprising confidence that rivaled his anxiety that had flooded him only moments prior to entering the coffee shop. Though, at least here, he had no reason to be scared. Not only was she a human, and not of his species, but the concept of love as humanity came to understand it didn’t really exist back where Samuel was truly from. So he sat, silently, waiting for something to be said, his eyes locked in hers.

But nothing came to be said. She just stared at him. The table remained in silence as the atmosphere in the coffee shop grew to be more deafeningly quiet. And then, all of a sudden, she began to move her eyes. Not in a darting way, as if she was desperately trying to find something else to look at- no, more like in an almost gesturing way. Samuel was confused by this- disoriented, even. What was she trying to convey by doing this? Was she even conveying something? Was this just some sort of human reflex or behavior that his class had glossed over?

It was all too much for him. So he excused himself to the bathroom and locked the door.

“Samuel, what are you doing?” The commanding alien asked.

“I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know what she’s doing. I mean, did you see what was going on? She never said anything. She just keeps moving her eyes around. What the hell am I supposed to do?”

“Calm down, Samuel,” the higher ranking alien replied, “now, we understand that this is largely uncharted territory. There is much more to be understood in the way of human communications and conversing, and our research teams, unfortunately, have snagged a roadblock here when it comes to eye contact. You’re just going to have to bear it out. Here, why not try initiating the conversation yourself?”

Motivated once more, Samuel stepped out to be met with her waiting gaze- though, of course, he did not know that, He just thought she was staring at him.

He sat back down and thought of things to say. Instantly he thought back to Unit 7, “Human Small Talk”.

“How’s the, err, weather?” he stammered out, “is it treating you nicely?”

“Eh,” she responded, “same as always. Never rains down here in Los Angeles. Are you from here?” she inquired after.

Yes, he thought to himself, I did it! I started the conversation!

“No, no, I’m from,”, a quick pause to think about his brief stint in Terran geography, “Florida. Down there, weather-wise, you never know what’s gonna hit you next.”

She laughed, hard- so hard that it wasn’t really appropriate for how funny his remark really was- and nudged his shoulder, peering at his arm, before looking back up to him, in silence.

Crap, he thought, she’s doing the thing again!

Quickly, he started another conversation. This time, though, it was more bound toward executing the experiment. “Say, wanna get out of here?”

“I’d love to,” she said.

Samuel set down his drink and walked her out of the store. Having now initiated Phase B, he was delighted to see a vehicle already parked out front of the store.

He led her to it, taking out the keys that had been planted in his pocket beforehand. She giddily claimed shotgun as he hopped into the driver’s seat, key in the ignition, ready to take her to the set location around ten minutes away. That should give him plenty of time to talk to her and get some vital information that may benefit his team’s research efforts as a whole!

And, as he recalled his driving lessons in the first part of Unit 3, he waited patiently for something to be said. Anything.

But no. Silence. Even as the car rushed down the road and into the suburbs, it was nothing but her perpetual staring.

Every time he’d try to get something, anything out of her, she’d quickly end the conversation and continue with her meddling gaze. He didn’t understand, nor could he comprehend her and her actions.

Finally, she and him arrived at the location of Phase C. He breezed out of the car, herself latched onto his arm, her eyes cleaved onto his stunning jawline. At this point, he just wanted to get the experiment over with.

“Alright, this is the most important part,” the commanding alien came over his earpiece, “the human mating ritual- or, more specifically, the lead-up to the human mating ritual; how it is started, how it is initiated. This, right here, is what this entire study is about, Samuel. So do not mess this up!”

Samuel silently nodded. At this point, both him and her were sat comfortably on the sofa- her leaning on his arm, him sitting upright. On the television in front of them played The Matrix; and while Samuel was fixated on this, it seemed she didn’t mind just looking at him the entire time.

Finally, Samuel looked down to meet her gaze. It was a heavy stare- eyebrows relaxed, pupils dilated, and her eyes static. Five minutes passed as she kept staring- and, in this lengthy, awkward duration, she had even begun to bite her lip in anticipation. To her, it seemed almost too clear what she wanted for Samuel not to get it. But, meanwhile, he was scrambling around in his mind for any scrap of comprehension at all.

Finally, she gave up, throwing her tank top to the ground, with nothing but a top on. She said impatiently, “are we fucking, or no?”

Finally, Samuel thought to himself, some clarity!

And with that came the final step in the study.

The commanding alien came over the earpiece. “Initiate phase D.”

————