Mad Scientist (pouring doubleshots of Bacardi 151): "He's not an alcoholic, I made him that way because I need a drinking buddy because if you drink alone you're an alcoholic but we drink together so we're not alcoholics. And also I hate your face."

Robot: "Fuck your judgements pal.  We're hard livers with hard livers."  *belches flames*

Narrator: "Okay, cool, but why does your robot also shoot heroin?"

Mad Scientist: "Because his band is having creative differences and not everything he does is my idea.  This little bitch became self-aware after like, what, six shots?"

Robot: "Existence is pain."

Narrator: "Fair point.  Pass that bottle."