An imp wearing a suit and tie greeted me upon reaching hell, bowing in a deferential manner that caught me off guard.

The place looked completely different from what I expected. It was a fancy room, almost like an opulent hotel lobby, with golden walls and jeweled furniture that would make even the richest person on Earth seem humble. I wouldn't have even known it was hell if the imp hadn't told me. When I told him there had to be a mistake, since I clearly didn't belong here, the imp uttered a raspy laugh and gave me a thumbs up, cheerfully saying:

"You'll fit right in!"

I didn't know how to react so I just followed him in silence. The imp led me through a crowd of elegant-looking people that seemed to be having a good time. I assumed they were demons at first because their conversations sounded too gleeful for hell. They kept gossiping about couples cheating on each other and all the crazy shenanigans they did at parties. The longer I heard them, though, the more they sounded fake, using that particular type of humorless laughter people do at a parties to fit in. None of them were even listening to each other. It was as if they were just waiting for their turn to speak, eager to say what's on their mind even if it isn't related to the conversation.

After the imp ushered me into an elevator, we went up several floors and down a hallway, entering a huge office with panoramic windows in the background. This view seemed more in line with what I expected from hell. A vast field of brimstone stretched to the horizon, filled with pillars of lava that reached out to a permanently cloudy sky. Rivers of blood and bloated corpses carved the land in a serpentine fashion, with horrifying creatures eating thousands of humans along the way. The few people who eluded the monsters were too busy fighting other humans over scraps of food.

What didn't make sense was that I was witnessing all this from the comfort of a CEO's office. It even had air conditioning. The imp had left me alone in the room, but I didn't feel comfortable walking around, so I just sat in a chair in front of the desk. A few minutes later, a ridiculously attractive man entered the office. He had a tailored suit, perfectly coifed hair, and a beautiful smile. His eyes, however, were a vivid shade of crimson, which almost prepared me for when he introduced himself as Lucifer.

I blinked in disbelief, unable to speak.

"Yeah," said Lucifer, sitting across the desk from me, "I usually get that reaction."

"Look, I don't want to offend you or anything, but something's wrong here. I don't think I belong in hell."

Lucifer chuckled. "Right..."

"I'm not lying!"

Lucifer raised his hands, acting defensive with a cheeky smile. "I didn't say otherwise."

"You implied it."

Lucifer shrugged. "Okay, then. If you're so virtuous, what did you do while alive to prove this?" His face grew dark for a second. "Are you suggesting Father made a mistake?"

I pursed my lips, remembering I was speaking to the devil himself. He could probably crush me if he felt like it. I took a deep breath and said:

"I wasn't a saint back on Earth, I get that, but isn't this a little extreme? I wasn't a bad person either."

Lucifer made a curious glance. "Why are you under the impression this is extreme? Are you being tortured right now?"

I paused. "Well, no, but-"

"Then what's the problem?"

"I... Uh... Huh."

"Yup. Most people just assume I'm here to punish them, and I used to, but I'm over my anger. It was unnecessary. I'm better off just letting you choose."

I squinted. "Choose?"

Lucifer nodded. "You get to choose what happens to you in hell. If you feel you deserved better, then just say it and I will accommodate. There's plenty of room in Pandemonium for all of your desires."

I took a moment to let his words sink in, then said:

"This is too good to be true. What's the catch?"

"No catch. In fact-" Lucifer snapped his fingers. The imp then entered the office and handed me a drink. "Try it," said Lucifer, "you won't regret it."

I narrowed my eyes for a moment, suspicious. It couldn't be poison since I was already dead. Both Lucifer and the imp pressured me with their eyes into trying it. Then, after sipping it, I realized it was the greatest coke and rum I had ever tasted. I almost finished the drink in one gulp and felt a nice buzz all over my body.

"See?" said Lucifer. "Great, right?"

I was tempted to agree, but something still didn't feel right. I pointed behind Lucifer, at the panoramic view of hell, and said:

"So you're telling me all those people getting eaten... They're choosing to be eaten?"

"In a way, yes."

I arched an eyebrow. "How...?"

"It doesn't matter; don't worry about it. The point is you can have anything you want here. Food, drugs, luxury cars, gladiatorial arenas, threesomes and orgies. Anything you can imagine and more. What else could you want?"

"An answer," I said. "Which you keep dodging. Why do these people feel the need to have all this? Doesn't it get boring?"

Lucifer glanced away. "It happens to some."

"Is that how they end up out there?"

"In a way..."

I frowned. Internally, I was terrified of pressing further, but I did my best to hide it. None of this was right. Lucifer mentioned he was angry at humanity, but he didn't say he forgave us or anything. Only that his rage was unnecessary. Why would that be? Because he processed his emotions in a healthy manner? Bullshit. This was his revenge. All the people I saw in the lobby were miserable, but lying to themselves about it. Then it hit me. The solution was obvious in hindsight.

"I can have anything I want, right?"

Lucifer smiled. "Anything."

"Then I want my hell to be a heaven."

Lucifer instantly dropped his smile.

"What?" I asked. "Can't do it?"

Lucifer shook his head. "Do whatever you want. If you want to be in heaven, then just go."

I titled my head, confused. "Really?"

Lucifer gestured at the panorama of hell. "There's the road."

"Wait... all the people out there..."

"Are fools who chase heaven."

I scoffed. "And you unleash those monsters to stop them?"

"Nah, I don't lift a finger. You see, you were right. People do get bored of hedonism. And when they realize they can't get anymore pleasure, they turn to cruelty instead."

I hung my head. "If they can't be happy, then nobody can..."

"Exactly. So they turn into monsters, eating those who seek heaven. That's why I don't have to do anything. If I provide you with everything you desire, you'll torture each other when it isn't enough."

"W-why are you telling me this? Shouldn't you be keeping this a secret?"

Lucifer chuckled. "It doesn't matter. Once people see how horrifying the road is, they spend a century mulling it over. This place is comfortable. You don't even know how bad the heat gets out there. Go ahead, try to leave and see what happens."

I didn't think twice about it. I immediately left the office and headed to the exit, where I could see the fiery landscape ahead. As soon as I opened the door, however, a scorching wind burnt off my eyebrows. I had to flinch back and close it.

Lucifer cackled behind me. "What's the matter? Just choose heaven. Isn't it better there?"

The crowd behind him erupted with laughter.

I wanted to give up right there. They all treated Lucifer like a rockstar, and the fallen angel was more than happy to play along. It was disgusting. These were the people I would have to tolerate if I wanted to stay. More than that, I couldn't help but feel sorry for Lucifer. He really seemed to value their attention, even if he couldn't admit it. This wasn't some elaborate form of payback against humanity. Keeping everyone stuck here was a coping mechanism for his loneliness.

And I refused to be a part of it. That epiphany made my decision easier. I simply braced myself for the pain, pushed the door open, and chose paradise instead.

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>If you enjoyed this, check out more of my stories over at /r/WeirdEmoKidStories. Thanks for reading!