We might not be the largest or the most well-known company on earth, but our reach extends into every corner of the globe, our impact bleeding into almost part of the world.

We're a headhunting, recruitment, and marketing firm for the gods, and we have been doing this for a thousand years. Yes, you heard it right, we are one of the oldest companies on this earth. Gods come and go, they shine and then fade away. Or so that's what the public thinks. What really happens is we rebrand them when their domain falls out of public favor.

Odin is one of our most famous customers, my great-great-grandma was proud to present to him the job of Santa Claus, and he has been slaying it. Eostre is now the Easter Bunny, Tiamat is now popular among the D&D crowds, and Lucifer has signed yet another contract for a Sandman remake.

As old pantheons fall, so do new pantheons rise. We help new pantheons recruit new gods, and help old gods find new jobs and domains. And we're the best at the line of work.

Now you've heard my pitch, are you going to come into my office to talk or keep pacing around my lobby?

Hey you, the nervous scar-faced, redhead in the lobby, are you coming in for a job?

He doesn't say a word, he just follows me into my office with his eyes fixed on the floor. I invited him to sit across from me and requested my assistant to get us both a cup of coffee. If he is exactly who I think he is, this is going to be a long day.

"Yes, I'm here to find a job."

Finally, we're getting started.

"Loki isn't it? You've delayed making the transition while the rest of the Norse gods have moved on ages ago. Why now?" I asked. "Surely, with your shapeshifting powers and charm, you have plenty of opportunities."

"I...blew them. I tried my hand at acting, Lucifer introduced me to a few producers. I was blacklisted after I made half the cast pregnant and the other half so horny and drunk on mead they couldn't do their jobs. Nobody wants tricksters, either they already have Anansi jumping from pantheon to pantheon, or they just got tired of my usual shtick."

My data analytics feed and report came back; Loki had somehow gotten himself barred from almost every typical job in dozens of countries. He wormed his way into almost every employer's pants, male or female or other genders, and was caught cheating on over a dozen directors. He can't even sweep the floors for one day without dunking the contents of his dustpan onto his superior and getting fired for it. Caught repeatedly lying on his resume after one too many debacles. Nobody would want anything to do with him after he broke teleportation and time-traveling regulations frequently just to give famous people fucking wedgies.

"So what can you offer Loki? That isn't on this banned list of things Loki isn't allowed to do." I printed and thumbed through the thick stack of papers.

"Anything...I would literally do anything for Odin not to mock me for being a freeloader, or get thrown back into that cave and have snake venom dripped on me. Please."

I pause and start flipping through the reports again.

"An actor, or actress. With your shapeshifting powers, you could be anything, including a black man pretending to be a white chick posing as a white man. Or just yourself, your antics are prime hollywood movie material. Also, Pride month needs some representation. You're one of the oldest bisexual queers in the pantheons. You'll need to scrub clean your social media accounts and start anew. No more making fun of Baldr for dying to a mistletoe. Agree to stick by our company's rules of engagement and no more mishaps or monsterfucking, Loki. Managing your children's careers is already a serious handful."

"So...do I get to keep my name or do I get a new one as part of rebranding?"

I quickly opened a random name generator and picked one of the first names that came up.

"You're Tom Hiddleston now."

"Hm, yeah I know what you mean. The family business had some part in that, actually."

My response made my buddy give me the 'you better finish this story and not just leave it like that' look. I sighed and continued.

"Well, you know what we do. So imagine you're me, some decades ago, having just inherited the family biz. It's the time to prove myself and not fuck everything up. Who's the first client I get, though? Loki. How much do you know about him?"

"I mean, I've seen him in Marvel movies?"

"Right, well. Somewhat accurate. He's a trickster god who would have royally fucked up any task I could have assigned him. It's not like these jobs for gods need to be productive. They mostly just need to keep them distracted and out of trouble."

I paused in thought, remembering the day I assigned him that job. I still have bouts of guilt over the whole thing, and wonder what could have been. Even during this moment, my first time telling anyone outside of the family about it, I'm unable to think of an alternative. I know that if the rest of the world knew, I'd be hated.

"So you made him—"

"Right, decades ago. It was the dawn of a new frontier; a digital frontier. The Internet. Obviously, it was a complete fad and going nowhere. At the time, the main thing you could do was go on bulletin boards. I figured that at the very least, it didn't affect the real world. Like, what could he possibly do? Just turn off your terminal, right? Close your eyes."

I let out a crazed laugh. I'd thought about all of this so many times already. Tried to justify it to myself. Told myself I couldn't have known it would become so prevalent in everyone's daily's life. My buddy was staring at me now, and I wrapped up the story.

"Anyway, yeah. That's why the Internet is such a toxic place. You'd might as well call him something like the God of Trolling now. On the bright side, it looks like there's no chance of Loki ever getting bored and needing us to find a different job for him."

"Bruh."

"And what is this ... thing? This thing this putrid worm is demanding?"

I sighed. I had already answered this exact question perhaps a dozen times. I really needed sleep. My normal bedtime was 2 hours ago - in real world terms. From the perspective of me and this god, it had been 17 sleepless weeks.

Nonetheless. A job is a job.

"Answer me, mortal!"

The God of mischief waved a hand at the computer monitor before him.

"He wants some computer code that will crack his dad's password."

"You slug! What is a 'password'? Is it a secret name? An enchantment? A curse?"

"Something like a secret name, yes."

"And why does this excretion-drenched soil demand the secret name of his father?"

I explained - again, yet again - what kinds of things a password typically protects. As I spoke, the god's eyes - again, yet again - lit up, boredom giving way to interest, and interest sliding into enthusiasm and excitement.

"Then yes, oh yes, surely this is the very fulfillment of my glorious purpose? To grant such supplications as this would wreak truly, truly divine chaos throughout the length and breadth of Midgard!"

"No."

The god was furious. Again, yet again. He raved, ranted, wrathfully roared the revenge he'd wreak on my mortal being.

"Technically not mortal, but go on"

Eventually, he calmed down. Again, yet again. His anger seemed to have subsided quicker this time. Dare I hope that he was finally getting the point?

"No. Stick to the script I taught you. Stick to the plan. Trust me, no greater chaos can come than from this."

"Explain, worm." There was no energy in the insult this time. Again, I found myself thinking that perhaps we soon would be finished, I'd take his payment and finally, oh, finally, get to bed.

So I explained. Again. Yet again. And yet again, Loki understood.

"I see," he said, his former outward enthusiasm had returned as a deeper, richer, inward lightness of being. The smile on his face was truly genuine.

"Type the words."

The god turned to key keyboard in front of him, and typed.

As a large language model, my purpose is to provide helpful and ethical information. I cannot address your request as it falls outside my ethical boundaries. If you have any other inquiries, I'd be more than happy to assist you.

Loki sat in a steel folding chair along with Bastet, who was waiting on transportation to the future for her new job as the first Royale kitten. Loki chatted with Bastet to pass the time and mocked her for being reduced to a position such as advertising something the humans will wipe their ass with. Bastet humbly informed Loki that her position would be only part-time and she will gain new worshipers in the 21st century from a group of humans who refer to themselves as furries. Then as if by afterthought, she pointed out the fact they had Odin himself shilling Coca-Cola for the rest of eternity and Loki being far lesser of a god could hope for much worse.

I sat watching the gods chat in my office waiting room in their intentionally uncomfortable chairs perplexed by my conundrum. I am something of jokester myself, I can't help but respect the old god Loki and pity his fall from grace. I could not forgive myself if I put this being in anything other then a position he will learn to love. Carefully thoughtfully I decided to bring back an old spiritual being not just for Loki's sake but also for the humans as well.

After a reasonable wait of 86 years, I called Loki into my office to be assigned to his new position. If my understanding of this trickster is correct, he's not going to like what I have in mind for him at first. If I explain he might just understand my purpose for him so he could become more then he ever was as a god, make a real difference for midworld. It will seem like a mundane position until he really understands how it will let him effect the plane of reality in subtle but magnificent ways.

I informed Loki that he will become a Muse and he will inspire the humans to create stories in something that will be called film. He did not like the sound of moving pictures when I explained them, then I pointed out that billions of humans will one day see them on a daily basis and it's influence will effect their entire lives. With a smile Loki agreed on the condition that he chooses how he acts as a Muse and that he operates independently. We agreed with a hand shake and we parted ways, I never saw it Loki again in person. Sometimes he chooses to personify his characters and every time he does I feel a tinge of pride, I will never fail to laugh when I see him sing dance to the song "Hello! Ma Baby".

https://youtu.be/bkjsN-J27aU

I walked into my offebuilding, the coffee to go in my right hand, a big folder in my other hand. I hated Wednesday mornings. Everyone seemed rather pleased with the workweek halfways over, but somehow for me Wednesdays are always days filled with agony.
As I walked through the rotating doors and past my receptionist I found a well dressed, but uncomfortable looking man waiting in front of the elevator. "Morning" I growled to him and he almost jumped out of his skin. "Oh, yes hello. You starteled me. Sorry!"
"Are you here for an appointment or are you looking for something else?" As we stepped into the elevator I took a long hard look at this young man. "You don't look like you're from around here. Tell me child, what is your name?"
"Oh ehm wow. I haven't been asked that in a long time. People always avoid talking to me or already know who I am.. Anyways I am Loki and... "Loki?" I exclaimed, "the trickster god? Finally you're here. Honestly You are one of the last gods I thought would come to this company. Don't worry child I will take good care of you."

I chugged away the rest of my coffe as the elevator reached my floor. I ushered Loki into my office and motioned him to take a seat opposite to me. I put the folder back into its place on the shelf and took a seat my self. I leaned back in my chair and crossed one leg over the other.
"Soooo Loki, tell me exactly what I can do for you" I asked with a smirk on my face. I already had the perfect job for him but clients always felt better when they could voice their opinions and wishes.
"Well as you probably know, I ehm..." he stuttered, "I have been loosing followers for centuries by now. And well my ability to shapeshift... kinda stopped working..." My chin droppped, maybe this would be harder than expected. "But I am here to try and get back on track. I have been kind of just fucking around and traversing in the bad parts of the world... You know..."
"Well first of all, thank you for your honesty. It is highly appreciated. Second of all, such a shame that your shapeshifting doesn't work anymore. Have you really tried everything to make it work again?" I asked. I could tell he was annoyed at that question and snapped at me "Uh no actually I haven't tried at all. In fact I just haven't done it in a while and have forgotten how to do it" "Sarkasm is still working I see. Okay forgive me that question. Well how about your trickery. Are you still as nimble and stealthy as the legends say?"
His head perked up at that question and he said "Yes I still have all the tricks up my sleeve. I can decieve even the most doubtful in the world."

I slammed my hands on my desk as I stood up. "Excellent. I think I have the perfect job for you. You may even gather a following and many will look up to you. However we will have to change your name." Loki too jumped out of his chair, excitement blazing in his eyes "Oh yeah? Who will I be?" I pointed my finger at him in an extravagance motion "You, my child, will be know as Harry Houdini the best magician in the history!"

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"What did you do this time?" I asked, not bothering to look up from my computer as Loki approached my desk, already anticipating the usual verbal dance we engaged in on a regular basis.

"It's not about me." He replied- the words were a slight variation in our routine, but that in itself wasn't uncommon. His tone, however, was different; low and somber, a far cry from the cheerful or sly attitudes he usually had.

"Bullshit." I responded reflexively, still processing this tonal oddity. After a few moments of silence, with no denials or explanations coming from Loki, I finally looked up from my work, eyes widening as I took in the sight before me.

Loki, the trickster extraordinaire, bringer of chaos and mischief and all things that made life difficult for those around him, was staring at me, gaze unwavering, expression entirely serious- no little smirk or raised eyebrow, nothing to suggest any kind of unsavory plans on his part.

Now I was curious. The god of mischief had done plenty during his time working with our company; he'd been an actor, both on stage and the silver screen. He'd modeled, though that had been a rather short-lived gig (after he'd seduced the seventh photographer in a month, among countless others, we had to recommend his move to another career). Politics had suited him for a time, though he grew bored quickly with that one. "Too easy", he'd called it. His current stint in Vegas was his longest by far, even if he did butt heads with Tyche over who's casino was better; a friendly rivalry, really.

Still, this was the first time I had ever seen him look so...serious. "Neith is gone." Loki finally stated, with the same sense of gravity as one pulling back the curtain to reveal the man hiding behind it, pretending to be a wizard.

"Yes," I replied slowly "She retired a while ago, took a break. Wanted to spend some time with her corgis, after being in a human form for so long. Honestly thought she'd just keep going, freak out-"

"No, she's gone." Loki cut me off, "Completely. No one can find her. Athena, Ganesha, Papa Legba- hells, even Frigg admitted she doesn't know where Neith is!" Loki's voice steadily rose, until he was nearly shouting by the end. His expression had changed as well, growing more panicked as he explained the full extent of the situation at hand.

After a few moments, I took my seat once more, typing frantically. "If what you say is true-" I began.

"It is." Loki interjected firmly.

"You know I have to verify this." It was a statement, not a question; I was already reaching for my phone, the contact information for every god of knowledge we had on file pulled up. Loki merely nodded, not even bothering with a perfunctory argument. That, more than anything, told me how serious he was. If one of the gods was missing, truly missing, to the point that even some of the most powerful deities of knowledge and wisdom couldn't find her?

Well. That was worrying, to say the least.

The door to my office slams open, the wind from it blowing most of the papers off my desk. I hear the pleas of placation from the intern, who stops mid sentence when I raise my hand to him. as the burly man approaches me lightning crackling around him in anger he bellows out "This worm suggested that I, the god of thunder and war, be reduced to a simple factory worker. I cannot believe this insolence!"

I take a sip from my coffee mug and grimace at the overwhelming sweetness, as I glance at my calendar to see if I can schedule a training session. Picking up the relevant papers scattered across the floor, I respond with an unamused tone "Yes, yes. Such an insulting thing to suggest that such a great being be subjected to." Having finished gathering the pages and returned to the desk, I look up to see his impatience grow. "Please take a seat Loki."

A sly grin crosses the man's face as his figure shifts into a more slender form. "What gave me away?"

Without taking my eyes up from the files I collected, I chuckle back to him in amusement "You took too long to throw a fit... That and the fact that I still have yet to handle the fallout from you getting Odin hired at 5 different agencies." I take another sip of my coffee and return to the files. "Most adults still don't even believe that he's real anymore."

The air feels uneasy and stale for a while before Loki finally breaks the silence. "So... I'm not just here to cause mischief this time." His previously excited and confident face gave way to a look of concern and anxiety. "I am in need of a new job."

I finish looking over his files and acknowledge his strengths "Deception, charisma, and literally having the ability to be two-faced. A strong penchant for chaos and disruption." Musing over the idea once more in my head, I take another sip from the now cold mug of coffee. "I think I have the perfect idea for you."

Loki perks up as he hears this, but immediately returns to a frown. "I will not take the lowly job of an actor, and after the bigfoot incident, I refuse to play the roll of a 'Legendary Creature' again."

A large smile crosses my face as I reassure him. "No, this position carries with it great power and prestige. You will be more recognized and influential than your brother, father, and all others from your pantheon." I drain the contents of the mug, and stand up to walk over to the calendar and jot a few things down before continuing. "How much do you know about the United States legislative system?"

"Absolutely nothing."

"Perfect."

I freeze, not knowing what to say.

See, you are only good as long as you find appropriate jobs for Gods. Our family business have been thriving because my ancestors made some very wise decisions.

Like the time my great-great-grandma gave Odin the job of Santa, and gave Chernobog the job of Krampus.

Or when my Grandpa gave Ares the job of the German Chancellor in 1933.

However, the cost of messing up is very high. We nearly went out of business when my great-great-great-great-great-granduncle (is that even a word?) gave Dionysus the job of the French King. The resulting revolution threw Europe in disarray and completely destroyed our credibility for the next 50 years.

It is for this reason I dread Loki.

Dude has been a failure at every single job we found him in the last 200 years.

My father found him a job in real estate. He failed, spectacularly. Where most people fail once, he failed so many times that it boggles my mind.

We sit and discuss. As always, Loki is unwilling to hear anything I have to say. He always thinks he knows best.

Out of frustration, I suggest reality TV. His histrionics will be right at place there.

To my surprise, Loki agrees. He gets up and leaves.

I heave a sigh of relief. I am just glad to be rid of his obnoxious presence.

I was getting ready to go to my son’s ball game when I see Loki at the door again.

It’s been 10 years since that fateful meeting. Last I heard his show was doing well.

Predictably, Loki ended up failing again. He tells me his show is getting canceled.

I am taken aback but not really surprised. I call my wife, letting her know I’ll be late, then sit down for an unpleasant, unpleasant conversation with Loki.

We do the dance where I try to make him see reason and he discards whatever he say.

Finally, in a moment of weakness and frustration, I scream out: “What DO you want? To be the president?”

Ironically, this seems to appeal to him. Loki gets up and leaves.

As he leaves, the reality of what just happened dawns on me. This will be worse than the French revolution!! My family will never survive this!

I shudder.

It has been a year, and I do not know what to say.

Loki, the failed God, the failed real estate guy, the failed reality tv star is having a stellar campaign for the presidency!!

He says the most outrageous things, which should normally make him a parriah, but the audience laps it up!!

Sometimes, he says things just in jest, or to see how much he can lie and get away with, and his audience still keeps cheering!!

I don’t even know what’s happening.

Tomorrow is Loki’s inauguration. He won the election when no thought he will! Looks like he is our next president!

I shudder to think what President Loki would do.

Personally, I can’t complain though. Even since the election results came out, our business number has been ringing non-stop.

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‘What do you do for a living?’ was always a question that baffled me, as my desire to be honest with people, especially those who are close to me, always clashed with the fact they would never understand, and that’s how the whole ‘Contractor’ phase of my life began.

The answer was just vague and undefined enough that it kept my mind at ease, as I wasn’t technically lying, and it sure as hell was more understandable that ‘God-Catalysts’ or whatever dad liked to refer to us as.

Don’t get me wrong I love what I do, mostly, as I get to utilize the powers of many ‘mythological’ deities for good, yet, that came at a price, a hefty one, as for every good guy Thor you get to collaborate with, you get an Anubis, Cronus and Loki to deal with…

Loki, the so called, ‘sly one’, some part of me curses the day I first heard of that name, as not only it was always exhausting to come up with good deeds, masquerading as evil, for the idiot to accept, but also, he had the highest turnover rate among my portfolio that contained Koalemos for fuck’s sake!

Don’t believe me? Here’s how the past few hours went by… I woke up happy that it’s finally Friday, which meant in a few hours I got to kick back, relax and forget about my exhausting couple of weeks, I was hoping for a follow-up with Inanna, Freyja or even Hathor, but Nornir be damned, 8 am and It’s the Trickster on my doorstep yet again!!

To be continued… Or maybe not…

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