I hate my life. Better yet, I hate that I hate my life.

I still don't know if me being like this is a curse or a blessing. I mean, I'm glad that everyone is living in this huge happy paradise, but why can't I make part of it? Why do I have to feel so depressed?

Latelly, I just spend my days sitting on a bench, quiet as a mouse, watching as everyone else lived their happy bloody lives, while I, the one who made it happen, stand here, invisible to their eyes.

"Oh, Lord..." I whimp out into the ether, letting my head fall into my hands.

Maybe that was the reason. I didn't want to brag, nor did I want a golden statue or something, but a simple 'thank you' would've been nice.

"Are you alright, mister?" I heard a high feminine voice ask, but I kept still, thinking she was talking to someone else, until I felt a hand gently grab my should. "Sir?"

I shot my head up, looking at a beautiful young woman, she shouldn't been older than 16. She wore a school uniform, and looked quite worried.

I tried to fake a smile, taking a deep breath. "Don't worry about me, young lady. You should go, you don't want to be late for school."

She smiled widely, taking the liberty of sitting next to me on the bench and resting her suit case on top of her knees. "My classes are over for today. I was going home, actually, when I saw you looking so sad." She pursed her lips to the side, considering what she just said. "Why are you sad, mister? Everybody else is happy..."

I sighed. "I know they are. I made them so." I admited it, and was only after when I realized I did. "Don't take me wrong, but I just want to be left alone..."

With this I stood up, walking with no destination, trying to just forget about all this.

I was starting to stuff my hands down my pockets when I felt a few fingers keeping me from doing so. "If you made everyone happy, then why are you sad?"

I looked at the young girl, taking a deep breath and begining to walk again, taking her by the hand this time.

"I don't even think I know the answer..." I shrugged. "The world needs it's balance, I guess. For there to be happiness, there has to be sadness." I stopped. "And since everyone else is happy, someone has to stay sad in their place."

She pouted, looking at me. "Well, that doesn't seem fair... You should be happy too." She wondered. "You have an amazing gift, you should be proud of it."

I looked at her, faking yet another smile, and started to walk again. "And I am. Deep down, somewhere, I know I am..." I sighed. "Thanks for hearing me, kid. It helps. But you really should go home." And with that, I let go of her hand, and parted from her, thinking that would be the last time I ever saw that girl.

Or at least, that she would forget about me, over time.

But, apparently, I was wrong.

A few days later, after taking my usual stroll, I was going home when the same kid, and a bunch of other kids, stopped me where I stood. Before I could ask what was going on, they all parted from one another, exposing this kind of poster: 'take a walk with us. It's our turn to make you happy.'

I really didn't feel like it, but how could I say 'no' to 30 pairs of begging eyes? "Fine." I mumbled, and they all clapped and surrounded me. And we began our little walk.

They took me to various places, and at every stop, people would show a big sign saying 'thank you'.

This was getting weird, but I just went with it.

At the final stop, the girl I met the other day grabed my hand. "We made something for you in my school." She said, pointing to the school building and making some sort of sign.

Before I could ask what this was all about, she told me to look up.

From the windows, the teachers let down a huge drawing. And not just any drawing; a drawing of me, made with hundreds of thousands of tiny photos of happy people.

I felt my chin fall, not knowing what to say. "But... How... What..." I looked at the girl. She was smiling at me as she handed me a card, signed by all her colleagues and teachers. "Why?" I finally managed to ask.

She shrugged, looking at her teachers inside the school, who started cheering when I accepted the card. "I told my teachers what you told me: the world needs it's balance. But we all agreed that no one should be sad so that other can be happy." She giggled. "We have plenty of happiness, thanks to you, so," She gestured towards the drawing on the school wall. "we thought we'd give you a little of our own."

I looked at the drawing again. "Are you happy now, mister?" She asked.

I shook my head. "No." I mumbled, looking at her. "But I'm getting there."

She smiled widely and hugged me. I hesitantly hugged her back, looking at the card in my hand. Seeing all those signatures, and the drawing and this kid hugging me, a single tear ran down my cheek, and for the first time in years, a true, genuine smile pulled on the corners of my lips.

​

(I'm sorry for any grammar errors. English is not my first language)

Igor Zevimsky woke up on a cold October morning and looked outside to an overcast sky. A grey sky for another grey day. Only today he noticed that someone had planted another flower in his sad garden while he was asleep. It made his lip quiver into an almost smile for a moment, but then his somber gaze returned.

Today was just a normal day. He would go to work, pound coffee for a few hours as he stared at a screen doing work that had long ago been made obsolete by technology. But his boss didn't know that, and it pleased his boss to make Igor do mind numbing tasks.

Today was going as normal, until the espresso machine broke. No one else was in the office except for Igor at this point. Most people worked from home and only came in the mornings to hang out and chat before they stepped out for lunch and never returned, but Igor stayed in the office because his boss liked it that way.

He spent an hour reading the manual and trying a few different things before a phone call came in. He rushed over to his desk and answered the phone.

"Igor, I hope things are going well over there! Try to smile for a change. Anyways, I'm going to need next week's work done over the weekend, we can't afford to lose this client and you're my main man on the case. Please stay late if you wouldn't mind!"

Before Igor could get a word in, his boss hung up.

Igor had been rather productive today, so he was surprised when he found himself trying to calculate how to get all of the work lined up for the next week done over the weekend. His head must have imagined it was hit by a bus for a moment. It would mean a lot more coffee, a lot less sleep, and maybe he would order take out from the salad place. He'd hated the salad place for a time, but his boss had taken them often enough that he learned to like the smokey salmon with miso ginger dressing well enough to eat the spinach, beets, and mushrooms that came with it.

By the time evening came, Igor went home, despite considering if he should keep working. He fell asleep on the couch soon after walking in the door and then woke up to his neighbor's friendly "Honk honk honkkk!" they did every morning to greet him. He glumly got up, made eggs, made coffee, and got on with the day.

He was fully alone in the office until lunch and decided to walk to the salad place, since maybe the nice young gal with the glasses was there. She had brought a slight smile to his face once or twice, despite looking just as miserable as he somehow.

As Igor walked over he noticed a family walking with their dog and cat. It was an adorable sight. Then he noticed through the window that his salad girl was there. No customers either. She just stood at the counter awaiting the day.

Igor walked in, glumly ordered his salad, doing his best to manifest a purely draining energy to fully activate the power. Then he saw her eyes light up. She seemed happy to see him.

She was the one to prepare his salad. She looked younger today as well. Normally he'd imagined she probably had a small family of her own back home, but she looked particularly...lively today.

"Mr. Igor!" she said. "Welcome, welcome. The usual then?" she asked, with a renewed vibrancy in her eyes.

"Oh come on, Igor, don't give me that pouting look, you're a good man. I've seen you walking into the office today. Only the best of men dare work on a Saturday just to keep the earth spinning."

His mouth threatened to turn into a smile again, but it sunk down. He wouldn't dare take this joy away from her. His power must continue to have its way with this wonderfully happy sad planet.

But then she gave him an extra piece of salmon. That was unexpected. Usually everyone just talked a good talk, no one ever actually did anything for him.

"Igor," she said, as he turned to walk away with his lovely salad. Back to the office.

"Please stay," she pleaded. "I have something to tell you."

Back to the office... his brain said. But she said...to stay. So he must, right? He must stay and please her even if it would cost him sleep later on.

"Igor, let me sit down with you today!" she said as she dashed over from behind the counter. "Oh, I was hoping you came in today. Saturday's are the only day my boss isn't here. It's the only day I can get away and enjoy myself here."

Igor squinted at her. Then he truly narrowed his gaze.

Was this girl acting as if she wasn't truly happy all of the time? She had a dilemma with her boss? It wasn't possible. Only he was permitted misery in this world. It was his curse, his burden to bear for humanity.

She handed him a cookie. One of two. "I know cookies aren't the best for you, and you always eat so healthy, but, maybe?" she asked. "We actually bake 'em fresh daily, they're surprisingly good for a salad place."

He said nothing, but look at the cookie.

"Oh," she said reading something in his look. "Do you not like chocolate chip? I can get you oatmeal."

"Ms. Lisa," Igor said slowly. "You aren't usually...like, this." he said as he gestured to her. "What's changed?"

Lisa looked down into her hands as she munched on a bit of her cookie. She swallowed.

"That's what I wanted to tell you about," she said. "I've sort of been...I'm terribly sorry, by the way. I know it's awful. But I followed you home one day. I had to know where you lived. I thought there must be something terrible going on at home. No one is as sad as you, Sir," she said shyly.

"But no, it was just you. You and that sad sad garden of yours."

Igor's eyes lit up a bit. Then they lit up a bit more.

"The flowers," he whispered.

Lisa scrunched up in her seat and awkwardly breathed a laughing breath that said, "That's okay, isn't it?"

It wasn't that day that Igor started to understand happiness, truly. Nor was it that week, or that year. But after a lifetime, after a nest of kids and grandkids, Igor felt that he had found some measure of the stuff. And not a small measure, but enough to fill him up.

When the world began to return to normal, Igor had quit his job. He'd considered burning the office down to spite his boss, but he thought better of it, because somehow everything, even that wretched place, had led to her. The one girl who'd shared in his glumness amidst an uncannily happy world.

I tried. Oh, how I tried.

But there was no way out of it. I make people happy, I get sad. I make more people happy, I get even more sad and miserable. I fake it, telling myself "it's for the greater good, I will handle that", and I've been doing that for years.

I had to stop multiple times, of course. Sometimes, I would look at the world, seeing crime being almost non-existent, and feel happy. Well, not happy, but less sad - and destiny was cruel indeed, because I could feel the power I imposed on people... leaking...

Maybe I could just steal that thing that I want instead of working the full month.... it was all because of this curse - unhappiness. The curse that I was going to solve with my curse - make me take all the unhappiness in the world. And one of my hardest decisions was to make everybody unable to feel sad for me - otherwise it would all go to naught.

And yeah, I did it. For what? I can not not remember anymore. Maybe I felt happy knowing people were becoming less miserable? I can only guess. There's no trace of good feelings inside of me. I'm the void itself, zombie walking on the streets.

With dark spots under my eyes, after long nights without being able to sleep, I finally look at the world. People dancing on the streets, smiling, happy. They are all happy. Crime doesn't exist anymore. Newspapers now only show good things, report where it will be the next fair, the next music show, etc - nothing miserable happens - ever.

So that's what true happiness is.... and I see myself smiling. Not smiling - laughing. Well, laughing is an understatement - I am a maniac in the streets, laughing harder than I ever been!

That was the answer, finally! After all those years, it all makes sense! After all, my miserable life was simply too little to take all sadness from everyone - I notice that my life didn't felt like multiple generations, it indeed was multiple generations - an eternity of suffering for the sake of humanity! Sweet embrace of death will never exist, because it will be a point of happiness for me!

So.... they will see.

I will burn. I will kill. I will steal everything from them. For all eternity, I will torture, I will bathe myself in their blood, I will dance to their screams of agony!

And they will be happy with it!

The world is beautiful. I wasn‘t always, but somehow things have just been looking up in the last few years. This park is just one example, but it is a pretty one. A meandering gravel path at the side of a lake winds itself through grass and bushes and flowers in full bloom. It‘s almost perfect, just like the weather has been recently.

It‘s a sliver of paradise, which is why the man sitting with his head in his hands and his jacket closed up tight is jarring. I hadn‘t thought it possible that the sunlight could provoke anything other than warmth and contentness. How could one be cold here?

But still, if there‘s anything I‘ve earned from the last few years it‘s that happiness is infectious. A single person laughing and smiling whenever you see them can completely shatter your outlook on life until you too smile and laugh and pass that on to others.

So I saunter up to the man sitting miseerably on a bench in paradise and say „Hello, it‘s a beautiful day, isn‘t it.“

For some reason that inspires laughter in the man, and not true laughter but spiteful and mocking exhales of air.

„What more do you want?“, the man asks wihout lifting his head.

„What do you mean?“

„You want money? A better job? A family that loves you?“, the man asks as he finally lifts his head. His eyes are red with tears and hard with resentment.

„No“, I reply, taken aback by the turn of the conversation, „I have all that and I‘m quite content to enjoy the weather.“ Happiness really is infectious. I definitely wouldn‘t have just enjoyed the weather by itself before everything got better.

The man snorts, though it‘s an overacted, mocking act, and stands up to leave. „As if. People are never content.“

I don‘t know whether it‘s his still hunched in form or his suddenly tired eyes, but I just can‘t let the conversation lie. „Please wait“, I say, „Do you want to talk about it?“

„Talking wil just make it worse. I should go“, he answers, though he doesn‘t seem convinced by his own words.

„Then do you want to talk about something else, something innocuous? You seem quite lonely“, I propose, because apparently I‘m just desperate to wipe that haunted face from a complete stranger. He really needs to catch some happiness.

„Yeah, sure“, he gives in and lets himself fall back to the bench.

I start talking and I don‘t stop. I tell him stories from my friends, stories that have until now made everyone who heard them laugh though they only elicit a small smile from him. I tell him stories of my family and how the new cancer therapies saved my dad, which causes him to avert his eyes and start crying. I tell him stories from work and of the unique people I meet there, people that are part of the world just like everyone, but that you rarely see.

I‘m in the middle of a story about how a no-nonsense businessman loving held and comforted a screaming child so that the mother could get out her card to pay, when he laughs for the first time. „You really don‘t want anything, do you? Not a better job? You work in a supermarket, shurely there somewhere you would make more money?“

„No, thanks. I like my job. The people I work with a nice, customers are all happiness carriers, and it‘s an important job but not one with a lot of responsibility. It‘s perfect“, I explain.

„That‘s good to hear“, the man sighs, „That‘s really good. I hope you get to keep your happiness when it all goes to hell.“

„What do you mean?“

„I…“, the man pauses and recollects his thoughts, „God, I‘m so selfish. I just wanted… My sister shoved me out the door today. Said I was depressed and to take a walk and call a therapist before the last one retires. The thing is, I can‘t do that. I can‘t be happy. I…“

I want to interrupt, to tell him how stupid that is, that of course he can be happy, but he holds up a hand. I get the feeling that he couldn‘t start talking again if he stopped now.

„Six years ago, everything got better, right? Global warming gone, penguins are happy, that sort of thing? Well, six years ago I was told that I can make eyerone in the world happy if I‘m sad instead. It‘s a proportional effect too, so for the world to be so happy as it is now… You get the picture.“

Yes, I get the horrifying picture. I can‘t help but reach out to the man to offer some comfort and surprisingly he lets me put my hand on his shoulder. „That‘s awful“, I tell him, „That‘s terrifying. Wow, you must be so much stronger than I am. I don‘t think I could take the suffering of the world.“

„It‘s not really any suffering I take“, the man admits, „It‘s more like I draw the happiness from myself and give it to others and since it‘s a zero sum game, the sadness that gets left is overwhelming, but it‘s still only my sadness.“

„So then what do you mean, „when it all goes to hell“? That seems like a pretty stable state,“ I ask because I still can‘t quite wrap my head around the concept. I‘m not even sure he‘s not delusional, but he seems to believe what he says.

„I… I enjoyed listening to you. I enjoyed the sunshine and the breeze and everything. Don‘t you understand what that means?“, he almost shouts at me.

„No, that‘s good, isn‘t it?“

„No, it‘s bad. Very, very bad. If I‘m happy, then the world is unhappy. You‘re not happy right now, right?“, he rambles frantically.

„I‘m not happy, but that has more to do with the conversation“, I admit, „But in any case, happiness is not a zero sum game. You know that, right?“

„Of course it is“, the man scoffs, „I‘m unhappy when I make others happy.“

„But you‘re not unhappy enough to have given happiness to eigth billion people. You‘re not unhappy enough to have given happiness to all the world“, I argue.

„So what, the world just improved on it‘s own? It was all for nothing? Six years depression for nothing?“, the man says with a voice laced in desperation.

„No, think of it more like a seed or… I know! Think of it like a virus. You‘re infected with a small amount, but it then expands exponentially inside of you and you can pass it on to others“, I explain.

The man is at a loss for words.

„So you see“, I continue on, suddenly afraid that he‘d disregard me and continue torturing himself, „We can create our own happiness. We can be happy without making anyone unhappy. Do you want that?“

„Yes“, the man whispers with a smile, „I want that very much.“

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