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IML_42 t1_jdglmpj wrote

A nurse calls my name, I rise from the uncomfortable waiting room chair and give her a wave. She leads me to a triage room near the waiting room and closes the door.

“So, it sounds like you’re in for rabies exposure?” she asks as she takes my blood pressure.

“Yeah, I picked up a gal at the bar, went back to her place, we do some making out, and then she revealed that she was a Vampire. I did some googling and saw that bats are the primary rabies vector in this part of the world so I figured—“

“Better safe than sorry, huh?” She interrupts.

“Exactly. It’s embarrassing, but we did a lot of kissing and I know it’s transmitted via saliva so…you know.”

“I get it. Can never be too careful,” she says as she removes the cuff. “Blood pressure looks good. Alright, we’ll get you back to see a doctor as soon as we can. We’ll see what the doc recommends based on what you’ve told me.”

I sit in the waiting room for hours as more critical cases come and go—a leprechaun with a unicorn stab wound, a mermaid in the midst of an overdose, a vampire who vomited up drug blood not five feet from me—and I can’t blame them for their triage decisions, but I’m exhausted and starting to grow impatient.

After four hours of waiting, the doctor finally calls me back.

“So, rabies exposure?” she says. “Are you certain you were exposed?”

“Well, no. But I’d rather be safe than sorry,” I reply.

“I understand there was some heavy petting with a saucy vampiress?” she says with a wink.

“Make out session,” I reply.

“And you asked the gal if she was a carrier?” she asks.

“Well, no. Seemed awkward to ask,” I reply.

“Well that makes sense. Why ask a simple and reasonable question of an intimate partner when you can undergo a series of painful injections?” she says with a chuckle.

“You know how it goes,” I say. “I just—I like this girl and I know it is a bit insensitive to assume all vampires carry rabies, but I also know that some do and it would be bad if left untreated. Plus—“

“Fatal,” interrupts the doctor. “It would be 100% fatal if you were exposed and did not get vaccination treatment for rabies. Donezo. Horrible death too.”

I don’t know if you’ve ever been in a doctor’s office and heard the word ‘fatal’ thrown around, but let me tell you it ain’t pleasant.

“Right…so that’s why I came in,” I say.

“Look. I get it,” she says. “I’ve been there. Hell, I myself have a thing for pale night walkers. I’ve personally been vaccinated so that I don’t have to worry about it either. There’s just something about a pasty man that can throw you around that—sorry, it’s been a long night.

“Ok. Here’s what we’re gonna do. You’ll get two injections tonight. One immunoglobulin injection that is human anti-bodies which will help jumpstart your immune response. The other is the rabies vaccine. Then you’ll return for three more vaccine doses over the next month.”

“Sounds great,” I reply.

“I should warn you though,” says the doctor, “the immunoglobulin that we inject is…a large shot. It goes in your ass and it’s going to hurt like hell.”

“Oh, goody,” I say.

“Any questions?” she asks.

“Yeah, am I able to, you know, go out with this gal while I go through the course of treatment?”

“Oh, sure, sure. Even if she’s a carrier you should be fine to continue relations with her as we administer your vaccinations.”

What a relief it was to hear. I would be able to see her again soon. There’s playing hard to get and then there’s ghosting a gal for a month.

The doctor comes back into the room with the syringes ready to go.

“Ready, big guy?” she says.

I don’t know if you’ve ever been called, ‘big guy’ by a doctor who is your own age, but let me tell you it ain’t pleasant.

“Big guy?” I ask.

“Oh, ha,” she chuckles, “I wasn’t talking to you, I was talking to Vlad here.”

“Vlad?” I ask.

“Yeah, the immunoglobulin syringe. We call it Vlad the Impaler because of, you know, vampires. That and it very much impales you.”

“Jesus Christ,” I say.

“He can’t help you here!” she says with a comical Transylvanian accent.

Then she impales my ass with Vlad.

The things I do for love.



[deleted] t1_jdglndi wrote



IML_42 t1_jdgmevr wrote

Oh no. A lot of people avoiding awkward conversations over there, I’m assuming?


signofzeta t1_jdg0jbo wrote

A man is sitting in a diner, onto his third cup of coffee. As he takes a sip, a woman joins him in the booth. “Good morning, Jerry. Wow, you look horrible. You been sleeping well?”

“No, Elaine. I’m supposed to be asleep right now. I’m been seeing a vampire.”

“Ohhh.” Elaine covers her mouth with the crook of her elbow. “Does she vant to suck your blood?”

“I—“ Jerry yawns. “You know, that’s a conversation we need to have.”

“Necking went out of style in the 50’s.”

“Plus, my doctor says my blood pressure is high. If she bites in, what if she can’t stop? What if it’s like chomping into a firehose?”

Elaine was about to squirt some ketchup onto her plate, but decides not to.

“So, you want some tickets to my show tomorrow? I’ve got some comps left.”

“Nope, can’t do it.”

“What? Why not? I’ve got a great bit about those centaurs they discovered in Central Park.”

“Full moon, Jerry.”

“Oh, you don’t mean…”

“Yup. He’s a werewolf. I’ve got to go all the way down to Gowanus to get some titanium for the cage he ordered.”

The door bell rings as another patron enters. Dripping wet, he dashes clumsily toward the table, nearly bumping into the hostess on the way. No sooner than he sits down, he starts talking. “You know, you can’t take titanium on the subway.”

Elaine sighs loudly. “Come on, Kramer. Are there magnet people now?”

“They’re coming. I’ve got it marked on my calendar. Exactly three months from now.”

“Great, another full moon.”

“Say, Kramer,” says Jerry, “I couldn’t help but notice there’s a puddle coming from your general vicinity.” Elaine slides down into the corner.

“Yeah, but I wouldn’t drink it. Apparently the East River is ‘unclean’ and ‘toxic to my people’. I drank it growing up and I turned out just fine!”

“That’s subjective,” Jerry speaks into his now-empty mug.

“She’s thinking about moving, Jerry!”

“I’ll get her the number for Two Guys and a Submarine.”

“Oh, you never liked her.”

“She claps by slapping her fin on the floor!”

Elaine nods. “I thought she was just big-clapping.”

“It’s distracting during a show! I don’t need big-clapping! I need lots of normal-clapping! Mermaids have arms. Don’t use your sea legs, use your land hands!”

“How do people clap at your East River shows? With their water legs!”

“I hated that venue. My dry cleaner can’t get the ocean smell out of my good suit.”

“Well, I’m sorry, Jerry. I think she’s the one for me. We just met, only kissed once, but I think I’m in love!”

A balding overweight man has strolled up to the table. He sits down next to Jerry. “Good to hear!”

Kramer nods, splashing water on George’s glasses. He takes them off and wipes it on his wrinkled shirt. “So, I’ve always wondered. How do you two… you know…?” George puts on his glasses and makes a two-handed gesture.

“Oh, that’s a good question,” says Elaine. “I mean, she’s got the lady half on top.”

Kramer suddenly looks like he’s seen a ghost, and not the one sitting at the counter. “I… um… I… have to be somewhere.” He stumbles to his feet, and tries to run. He flails and falls into his puddle, knocking down the waitress, who drops Jerry’s entree onto Kramer.

“That was the catch of the day!”

Kramer screams when he sees the fish that’s fallen onto his face. “Her cousin! Murderers!”

“You're wound up, Kramer,” says Jerry. “Grab a bottle of wine and spend an evening under the sea with your girlfriend.”

Kramer suddenly remembers why he stood up, and drops the fish and runs. The busboy comes over with a mop. Dejected, Jerry orders yet another coffee.

“So, George, how are—”

He throws his hands up in the air. “Dumped by a troll, Jerry! Dumped by a literal troll, and not the cute Troll doll kind, either.”

“That’s rough, George,” Elaine says. “There’s a goblin at my work who just got out of a relationship. She’s cute… I mean, for a goblin.”

He shakes his head. “Goblins… yeah, right. I bring a goblin to those awful Sunday dinners, and my parents would stop inviting… me…” George suddenly gets a brilliant idea. “What’s her number?”

Elaine fishes around in her purse, while Jerry sighs and fills his coffee with sugar. He snickers. “Bring home a hobgoblin and they might disown you.”

George rolls his eyes. “Don’t be stupid. There’s no such thing as hobgoblins.”


aRandomFox-II t1_jdgldk5 wrote

>“Don’t be stupid. There’s no such thing as hobgoblins.”

"Common mistake, George! 'Hobgoblin' is actually a mispronunciation! It's supposed to be hobo goblin."

"So, what, you telling me to kidnap a homeless goblin?"

"I prefer the term 'adopt'."


Vaumer t1_jdgql8b wrote

Fantastic. It really felt like an episode!


thoughtsthoughtof t1_jdgqrd1 wrote

Maybe clarify the he in he's a werewolf and speech tag for comps left


signofzeta t1_jdh1dpw wrote

I wrote this on my phone while laying in bed. This was a stream of consciousness rather than a polished masterpiece.


bchance7 t1_jdh4291 wrote

This is absolutely brilliant, I loved it!


Anomander2000 t1_jdhr2dj wrote

This needs to be the next version of Friends or Big Bang Theory or Insert_Favorite_Sitcom!

This would be awesome!


Tregonial t1_jdg4kis wrote

To most foreigners, Toledo is a much sought-after place to live the American Dream. Beneath the hustle and bustle of the city, there lies the designated Urban Fantasy Districts, where all manner of supernatural creatures live.

Toledo Untold Stories is a storytelling project to help humans and supernaturals share their stories of the challenges they face when they cross the line established by the Masquerade.

A man struggles to adopt a nocturnal lifestyle for his vampire girlfriend. A woman is heartbroken to lock up her werewolf fiancee every full moon. A child says goodbye to their mermaid friend because the river is too polluted. These are their untold stories.

"For me, falling in love with Carmilla quite literally turned my life upside down. I had to quit my cushy job and pick up a lower pay as a night shift duty guard so we could actually have time together. Otherwise, I will be working when she is asleep and vice versa! The nocturnal life is a chaotic mess for my biological clock and sometimes I wonder if my sanity was worth giving up for the love of my life. Sometimes I wonder if she will remember everything we did together when she inevitably outlives me..."

  • Richard, a 32-year-old former finance manager who now works as a night shift security guard while dating Carmilla, 151-year-old Countess of Karnstein.

"My female friends tell me of their monthly troubles, but my trouble is double! My 2nd trouble is locking up my dear George every full moon. He's such a sweet, gentle man, but his wolf side is an absolute horror he cannot control! What did he do to deserve this? He didn't ask to be turned! All he asked was to be chained and thrown into our basement every full moon so he wouldn't hurt anyone. Before this mess, he wouldn't even hurt a fly! I haven't even told my parents my fiancee was bitten and turned into a werewolf...would they accept him now? I don't know..."

  • Lisa (not her real name), an accountant whose high school sweetheart was bitten and converted into a werewolf just a year ago.

"I loved swimming, as a kid, I used to go down to the Smolbrok River because its waters and surroundings were beautiful. It was there that I met my best friend Ariel. She was a lovely mermaid who always gifted me with wonders from the river after our weekly swim together. My last swim with her was decades ago...before Matlan Pharmaceuticals moved in and their laboratories contaminated the rivers. It was so sudden when Ariel just blurted out that this would be our last swim. It still feels like yesterday sometimes...I've posted a few photos we've taken together online, please help me find my childhood best friend..."

  • Benji, a 45-year-old fisherman, recounting a tale of lost innocence and friendship as Big Pharma ruined the once pristine waters of SmolBrok.

Over the last few years, we've gathered captivating stories that otherwise would not make news headlines from our diverse community of star-crossed friends and lovers, mortals and supernaturals.

Do you have an untold story to share with us?


caffekona t1_jdh94e8 wrote

I'm laughing about the line where toledo is a sought-after place


Imaginary_Impact_348 t1_jdgtfot wrote

An adult sleep 6-8 hours a night. This means that if I got out of work at 4 PM. I could sleep until 10. Then we can go on the midnight monster bars. Then we could hang out until 5 AM before the sunlight hit, which we could hung out indoors before I got to get to work.

Sounded like a good plan for every night. But not tonight.

I almost forgot it was full moon tonight. But Scarlet remembered. It was our anniversary. I got us a reservation at Ping Aroma, the grand dinner place next to the river. Even asked them to provide for someone allergic to garlic.

I told her, all excited, just to see her face fell.

"It's your time of the month tonight. We can't" She said.

It was like a pan hitting me in the face. I was stunned. "But I-- but,"

"I think I'm going to the river walk alone while you deal with your problem," Scarlet said, "Barkley, I promise I'll make it up to you. You have to go to the safe room now. The moon's almost out."

I sighed. I took off my best dating clothes and folded them neatly, wrapped a modesty apron around my waist, and crawled into the metal ice chest in her garage.

"Are all these neccessary?" I asked, letting my brows drop and showcased my deep brown eyes. "I mean, I'd be a good boy, I promise."

"Last time you tried to eat the neighbor's pet rabbit," Scarlet said. "Good night Barkley, I'll let you out before sunup."

She said and closed the lid.


ArbitraryChaos13 t1_jdi98d3 wrote

My phone started buzzing again. Finally, I was waiting for something to do. I picked up the phone, pushing the "accept call" button despite not recognizing the number.


"Is this... uh, Sam?"

"You can call me Sam."

"Call you Sam?"

"I don't want my name stolen, no offense."

"Not all fairies are like that."

"Ah, didn't realize you were one. Apologies."

"No, no, I get it."

"Anyway, Mrs...?"

"I'll respond in kind: you can call me Sylva."

"Sylva, then. What do you need? You called the number."

"Yeah. You know how fairies can't touch iron?"

"Because it burns, yeah. Silver has similar issues for some other supernatural folk."

"Exactly. And I have a whole bunch of cooking utensils I got as a gift that have enough iron in them to be a problem."

"Oh, I see." I grabbed a nearby notepad and pencil, and started writing. "So you need me to buy some non-iron utensils, and come pick up the old ones."


"Do you have any specific things you need? Certain magical wards, or some sort of crystals or... something?"

"Nope. Just not-iron."

"Okay. What do you need exactly?"

"I need five forks, spoons, and knives. And then... two of those big pots for soup. I also want to try my hand at potions, so if you could find a cauldron and a big spoon that'd be great."

"Absolutely! That all?"

"Yep. Thanks."

"No problem! Where should I drop them off?"

"I'll meet you at that... is it the Flower Cafe?"

"Yep, I've been there. That it?"

"Think so."

"Awesome! See you soon!" I hung up, stood up, and stretched. I liked helping people with whatever it was they needed. People are willing to pay for help, and I'm available, so... why not? It makes me cash, and friends. What's not to love?


Skarfa t1_jdiinq8 wrote

[Part 1/2]

“Jeremy Clericson of South Carolina, famous back in 2008 when vampires first entered into the public eye. Then it was Ms Lucille Donovan in late 2009 with her fiancee who’s werewolf daywalker codename was snuffles. And finally in 2019 when we saw first hand the true extent of the damage we are doing to our environment with the Best Fishy Friends Forever, Caitlyn and Gillian. Not to of course mention Neptunes wrath.

“But today, in 2023, Id like to talk about a controversial face and a species that until recently many didn’t know about, despite coming out like the rest of fairy tale kind back in 2008. Today, we hear the side of the story of Sarah Salsans and her husband Steven Salsans in Phoenix, Arizona. I am Kevin Baolowa, and this is ‘faye or foe’.

“Disclaimer to our viewers at home, this weeks show will focus on the subjects of Predation and sexual situations. Viewer discretion is advised.”

“I am currently in the outskirts of Phoenix and as you can see there are still some protestors outsides the home, you can see however that they are keeping their distance as most are simply too afraid to get closer, hence why the crowd is as small as it is. We will be going inside.” knock knock “Hello? It’s Kevin Baolowa of HBO, we spoke on the phone.” click creeeeaaak “lets do this”

“Are we rolling? Ok, so this will be a very basic introduction, there will be viewers who have never seen your kind before and nay have not heard what happened yet, just start with who and what you are.”

EXHALE Ok.. ok. Hello, hi, My name is Sarah Salsans.. and I.. am a Lamia. A half woman, half snake. Top half woman bottom half snake, as you can see but some of you might be blind so.. anyways. I am a second generation Lamia to the United States. My mother was a migrant from the Eastern Sahara, she gave birth to me 70 years ago here in Phoenix and past away 20 years ago. I am… I was recently employed at the High Desert Healing Complex as a biochemist and the vice head scientist of project newborn.”

“Could you go into more detail about Project Newborn?”

“Yes, Project Newborn is a new revolutionary general treatment originally derived from a scientific paper I published 20 years ago. What it does is suspends a patient in a artificially made fetal-like fluid that can heal critical wounds in patients on the brink of death or in a state where their bodies are no longer able to withstand the stress of surgery or other treatments. It is a cure-all for physically damaged patients”

“That is absolutely incredible, such a treatment could save countless lives. You said physically damaged, can it heal other ailments such as viral infections or genetic disorders?”

“No, that is not how it was designed. And currently we are still attempting to properly synthesize the fetal fluid. It’s close, but were not there yet.”

“Incredible, lets shift to the incident. The viral video that caused this was uploaded 5 weeks ago. Lets show that. As you can see, there is our brilliant scientist working on saving lives, and there is the wriggling bulge that shattered that that image for most of the world. You can hear what he thought he saw as well as the millions of others that saw it online, ‘HOLY FUCKING SHIT! SHE ATE SOMEONE!! SOMEONE CALL THE POLICE!!!’ Is there anything you would like to say to the person who shot this video?”

crying I’m sorry I scared you, I was just doing what I thought.. no. What I knew was right, I’m sorry”

“I have in my hand a transcript of what a nurse said after Sarah was taken to Phoenix General Hospital where now famous survivor Bill Holloway was removed from her. And I quote, ‘Bill should be dead, not because of what he was just inside of, but because of the sheer damage he received in the accident. The semi crushed his pelvis, his right arm is mangled beyond recognition and there are minor fractures all across his skull. Since the impact didn’t kill him the trauma should have, and if that didn’t it should have been the blood loss. I still don’t fully understand what that snake woman did, but it saved his life.’ Some of you may be wondering why this was not released right when the incident took place, but in fact it was. Unfortunately the masses had already made up their mind and saw Sarah as unquestionably Guilty. Before we talk about what it is you actually did to save bills life, lets give some more context to what you actually are biologically.”

sniff Ok… ok. Sweetie, please sit with me.”

“She needs a moment”

“Of course, this is now Steven Salsans, Sarah’s husband.”

“Should I talk about myself?”

“Yes, please do.”

“Ok.. Hello, my name is Steven Salsans and I am a first generation Naga in the united states. A half man, half snake.”

“What is the difference between a Naga and a Lamia, is it strictly gender based? There is some difference because you look perfectly human while your wife has a snakes body right at the waist.”

“Naga’s can appear only completely human, or completely like a snake. Schrwwwm My snake form is a black python. Mwwwrhcs We can be male or female or any other gender. Lamia’s however..”

sniff Lamia’s can only be female.”

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah, I can do this.”

“They can ONLY be female? Could you expand on that Sarah?”

“It has nothing to do with gender, it’s purely our biological sex. It has to do with.. how we reproduce.”

“Ladies and gentlemen at home, this is your warning, viewer discretion is advised”


Skarfa t1_jdiiqof wrote

[Part 2/2]

“Lamia’s cannot reproduce via sex, we do not lay eggs or have fathers. We reproduce via voluntary transformation, there has to be a host which becomes a new lamia.”

“Host? Transformation? I’m sorry I don’t fully understand”

“Then let me put it this way. I was not born like this, I wasn’t even born a woman. My original name was Sal Peterson, I was a man, and a human just like you Kevin”


“Lamia’s have a very slow metabolism, on top of our cold blooded biology it grants us very long life. My mother was 307 before she was taken away by cancer. But she told me that we can live up to 1,000 years old. When I was human, I noticed long tracks in the sand that I couldn’t explain, everyone else at the time just brushed them off, but I looked into them which eventually led me to my mother. I was fascinated by her, she was scared of me at first despite being nearly 20 feet long. She thought I would tell others about her. I didn’t and dedicated myself to her, I loved her platonically. And the fact that at the time she was over 200 and I just reached 30, she saw me as her offspring. Then one day she gave me the offer. Lamia’s… wombs are designed to incorporate any being, even other faye folk. It takes 11 months to complete the change, then I was reborn and she gave me my new name.”

“… no words… unbelievable… I guess. Um… is… is that what you were doin with Bill, making him your… daughter?”

“I was fascinated by my lamia biology, I aimed to understand simply to satisfy my curiosity, that grew into a love of science and eventually my medical career. What I learned is the initial stage of that transformation is to stabilize the host, to prepare them for the change. An umbilical is formed between the mother and host, blood is shared and stem cells are produced to repair any damage. Bill was only inside me for 12 hours so there was only a minor umbilical formed and trace stem cells to promote healing, essentially keeping him in a state of stasis. The stabilization takes up the first month of our ‘pregnancy’, during that time, the host receives no genetic change. Bill is still Bill and will remain human.”

“… still no words…WAIT! Is that the foundation of your research? For project newborn? To recreate that stabilization process?”

“EXACTLY! After my mother passed I poured myself into trying to find a way I could of prevented it. I thought of my biology and the idea grew from there. Alas It cannot cure cancer, but it is still a solid method of healing nonetheless. The project was not yet ready at the medical complex, but when you are a first hand witness to such a horrible accident and you know of a way to help, you do so. I never even thought about how it would appear to others, I was just focused on saving him. That’s why I…”

“You are a healer through in through, you knew what needed to be done to save your patient and you did it. And now a life that would have most likely passed away is now alive because of you. So now the question is, what do you do from here?”

“Best case scenario, I am forgiven and am allowed to resume my work on the project. I may look like a predator, but my mind is human, I was a human. I exist to prolong life, never to harm it. I would do it again.”

“This was filmed 1 week ago, I have heard that the High Desert Medical Complex looked into our interview with Sarah and are now welcoming her back to the project she founded. Bill is still in the hospital recovering from his accident, he denied to be interviewed only saying this, ‘It was the most disturbing experience of my entire life, one I will never forget, but I will have a life to remember it. Thank you Sarah, let me know when your work is done’

“That has been this edition of ‘faye or foe’. Tune in next time when we look into a dragon with daughter issues. Thank you for watching, I’m Kevin Baolowa, good night.”


Musicgirl1843 t1_jdkom3d wrote

International Fantasy Assistance Center The best place for any fantasy creature finding themselves in the ever changing world.

We offer many programs to ensure that some of the oldest species on earth can continue to live in peace. Trade Schools and Universities, and Job Assistance programs for those interested in integrating into the human world. Identity Protection and Safety Zones for those wanting to hide. Our newest program was opened in the 1960s, something highly sought after and always full. Please click here to view our classes on navigating fantasy to human relationships

Connor sighed and put his coffee cup back down. The emails may be quiet now, but the cases have been piling up. He had been looking back at the IFAC website for ideas, hints, clues. Anything for where he could look next. Something other than just looking at more case files.

Connor is head of the investigation team to find out why fantasy creatures have been having so many new problems, more ever before. More than when humans evolved to be the apex species. More than all the wars - human against human, or human against fantasy. More than during the industrial revolution, damn you!

The higher ups had started sending cases, tear-inducing cases, proving the point that the IFAC is struggling, and they want to know why. So now the investigation team has access to every single file the IFAC has on anything, for the sole purpose of finding a cause to the increase in cases and complaints.

Connor and Emily started working on this maybe a month ago, but it quickly became too much for just the two of them. So they requested a team. Connor was placed in charge, and the team was made up of Emily, James, Christopher, Winnie - a Wereraven, and Lavender - they are a Nymph.

Connor was especially thankful for Lavender to be on this team. They have been with the IFAC from its infancy, something like 380 years after its founding. Lavender basically helped build this institution from the ground up. Their knowledge is indispensable.

Connor hunched over and knocked his head on his desk a few times. He is starting to get frustrated. Lavender asked if he needed another cup of coffee. "Ulg. Yeah." "I'll head out. Everyone want their regular order?" Lavender is so helpful, sometimes it's hard to remember not to say thank you or use any of the other regular human respects. Most Fae have changed over the years, but it is still unwise to say these things to them. At this point, it's mostly because it's disrespectful to their history.

Connor looked across the room, stack and stacks of paper files that had never been digitalized. It looks like only a small fraction have even been touched. Connor and Emily were the only ones going through the digital files, and everyone else had been doing their best with the physical case files.

Connor stood up and walked over to each of the team members.

"Winnie. What case are you looking into? Anything sticking out?" Winnie looked up. She obviously had a depressing case. It looked like she was about to cry. Connor patted her shoulder and reminded her she could take a break if she needed.

Walking over to a double desk, "James? Christopher? Anything?" The only response was defeated head shakes.

"Emily, please tell me you have something!" "Actually, this one does seem different than everything else I've read. Come look." Connor sat at the chair next to her and looked at the file on her computer. She was looking at an essay application for the Friendships With Humans class.

Those classes really were always so full, in order to get into one of these classes, you must now submit an application with an essay as to why you need this particular class.

Emily showed Connor where she was reading. The essay was written by the parents of a young boy, who would go off playing, and then tell his parents that he had been playing with Pixies. They detailed in the essay that their son was bullied in school and didn't have friends, so they would like to attend the friendship class so they can help foster the friendship between their son and the Pixies and maybe even meet and become friends themselves. It went on.

Emily watched Connor read and waited for him to make the realization. "A PIXIE??"

Connor reassigned everyone. Search for anything the IFAC would have on Pixies.

Lavender walked back in with so many drinks and bags of baked goods from their favorite local coffee shop. "Pixies? Are you silly?" Lavender laughed as she started handing out food and drinks. "No one has seen Pixies in ages. Goodness. 500 years after the last one.... Well, we assumed they didn't make it. It was a sad time when they were placed on that list. Why are you all looking up Pixies?" they asked, their iconic smile seeming to fade a little when Connor told them that one was spotted.

"Impossible" they whispered, barely audibly.

Emily emailed Lavender the essay to read. As they read, their purple eyes filled with tears.

Lavender seemed to be the one to take over the investigation team after that. They knew a lot more than Connor and he knew it. He didn't mind stepping aside.

Lavender immediately assigned each team member to different areas to search if there might be any more Pixie sightings. Emily looked into job assignments, Connor checked in the universities and trade schools, Christopher searched the Identity Projection files, and James looked at the Safety Zones. Winnie and Lavender joined forces to search all essays for any other mention of Pixies.

Everyone realized how important and urgent this was, because once Lavender caught their breath after realizing Pixies may be back, they told the team what Pixies really are.

Pixies in history books could be tricksters, little pranksters. It's easy to see tricksters and pranksters to be the cause of all the commotion that the IFAC has been plagued with lately.

But really, it's much worse.

Yes. Pranks were played, but they were sinister. They were deadly. Tricks that would somehow make entire Elven metropolis desolate overnight. Pixies were responsible for more fantasy creature extinctions than any other earthly lifeform.

Lavender then said the worst part. "The saying is actually Rabbits multiply like Pixies. So we have to find every last one and we have to find them NOW."

Lavender fidgeted and would get up and pace the floor while the team all worked hard. After about an hour, they said, rather agitated, "I need to call the main office. I didn't finish the job."


Roses_In_The_Closet t1_jdkryq2 wrote

going slightly rogue here

This is it. This is really what my life has equated to. A cage, amongst dozens of other cages. Cages full of MUTS. I Cant count how many of these I’ve eaten in the past hundred years. Labradors, Great Danes, Beagles. You name it, but you stray just a little too close to the U.S boarder and they snag you like you’re just some loose house hold pet. Does no one else think, maybe, just maybe I look a little bizarre to be here??? I could always wrap my tongue around the next person that walks by? Maybe they’ll think “oh yes that’s clearly not a dog but in fact a mythical cryp-“ no no no this is America, they’ll shoot me and serve me at a barbecue.

Before I could finish my thought, I’d the entree door opened and a rush of voices, adults, children, men, women. Clamoring like the annoyances they are. Each one passed me, degrading me in a number of ways that I would reciprocate ten fold if it weren’t for these bars. This went on for hours, I curse adoption day.

As the last one leaves, I curl myself in a ball when all of a sudden a soft voice at my cage causes me to rise, in defense I hiss and snarl to the back of my prison.

“Wait I like this one daddy” The voice is coming from a girl child, bound to some sort of rolling chair, her tiny head shaved, her frame exposing through the skin.

One of my captors rushes over. “Oh no not that one, he’s green. We think he’s got the mange”

The father of the girl approaches. “He has spikes too, I’m not really sure that’s a dog honey”

The girl presses against my cage. I can’t help but get closer, she draws me in like a siren, I’m not sure why but I think I would die for this human. She reaches her tiny hand in and as if by design, without fail I butt it with my head. I’ve lost control of my body.

“Of course he’s a dog, he’s the best boy there ever was, arent you??!?!”

And to this day, I will defend this home. I will defend my family. I WILL eat scraps from the dinner table. I AM MANS BEST FRIEND.

I am Fluffy.


StarspitOfficial t1_jdj1kmk wrote




Unique individuals






The screams of

my fiancee

echoing from below

deafening the duet

of a woman

and a werewolf


As I watch

the moonlight

from the full moon


our countless family photos




The snores of

my boyfriend

bleeding next to me

turning the tide

of a vampire

and her sweetheart


As I watch

the moonlight

from the full moon

batheing the man

like a lover would




The tears of

my best friend

raining onto me

saturating the solidarity

of a mermaid

and a child


As I watch

the moonlight

from the full moon

stare coldly

at the polluted river


And at the

snowless ground.


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dragonadamant t1_jdgbmcv wrote

You'd probably enjoy Bill Willingham's "Fables," especially the Telltale game "The Wolf Among Us," which can be played before reading the books (graphic-content heads-up).


Gru-some t1_jdh07be wrote

The Wolf what?


dragonadamant t1_jdh8lz2 wrote

Some "game deals" accounts make that joke all the time when this game comes up. :P


Dirty-Soul t1_jdh0gux wrote

Basically, Ugly Americans. (TV show aired in about 2010. New York is owned by Hell Inc, a subsidiary of Yamaguchi Enterprises Ltd. Demons integrated into society through the Articles of Integration. Demon on demon violence is legal, because it's an important part of their culture. Most demons are manufactured, but the ruling caste are born. The current CEO of Hell is Aldramac Maggotbone, whose daughter, Callie, works at the Department of Integration under Twayne Boneraper, whose mother was supposed to marry Aldramac, but he jilted her and ran off with a human.

The story follows Mark Lilly, a monstrous human being who fancies himself virtuous. He abandons children regularly, fetishises eggs to the point of obsession, plays white saviour when he feels like it (usually in complete ignorance of the situation, thinking he knows best,) but abandons everyone at their most crucial moment, regularly commits murders, and lies, cheats and steals every chance he gets. With such an abysmal track record, he is irresistible to Callie, whose human half is drawn to Mark's milquetoast facade, and her demonic half is drawn to the hideous reality of his well intentioned super evil behaviour.

The entire series is a commentary on "the path to hell being paved with good intentions."

Whilst I have been technically correct in everything I just wrote... The series doesn't actually do anything with any of the depth I just hinted. It's just a dumb "one gag per week" sitcom. Some good laughs though, and OP might enjoy it.

Ugly Americans' sick, cynical outlook is basically what paved the way for later shows such as Rick and Morty.


GodKingChrist t1_jdhlw67 wrote

Dont Escape was a lovely flash game about a werewolf trying to restrain himself so he doesnt slaughter a town.


RivCA t1_jdjxqjv wrote

It looks like the people with vampiric S.O.'s have the best time adjusting. Night shift can suck, but it can be adjusted to better than the grief of a farewell to the mermaid. Or worse, the bitterness at having to lock away the one you love because they turn into a true, bloodthirsty, murderous menace to society.