Today was one of those special days I assumed I would wake up from later. I had seen, in the span of fifteen seconds, some sort of lobster man crash through the window, an unsuspecting middleaged man get disembowled by the aforementioned monster, the untimely demise of the murderous bastard, and now a pink haired girl floating a few feet off of the ground, strange wand thing in hand, clad in a sparkly, frilly fairy princess dress I'd expect my five-year-old niece to wear out for Halloween.

She looked to the lobster corpse on the ground, then to me. I shifted uncomfortably, which apparently she took as an invitation to scream at me, "What did you do!?"

It had not been a great day leading up until this point, honestly, and my nerves had been frayed well before I saw another guy just a little older than me have his guts torn out of his torso. I confess that I shouted back at the strange, hovering teenager, "What does it look like? I shot him! He was coming right at me! He fucking clawed that other guy in half!"

As I waved at the balding, besuited man with my free hand - I was not about to shoot Marvin in the face - he tried to reach for me, "Help... help me please..."

At that point, the girl disappeared from my consciousness and I knelt down, grabbing the guy's hand. I was only trained for first aid and I was fairly certain this was in the realm of seventy-eigth aid. I don't know if a surgeon could have saved him if he was already on an operating table in a hospital. "What's your name?"

"D... Daniel. My name is Daniel."

"Okay Daniel, I need you to hold on. Stay awake for me. There's going to an--"

"Excuse me!" A voice interrupted.

I tried to ignore it and restarted, "There's going to be an am--" A slap to my face stopped my promise and I glared up. "WHAT!?"

Pink princess sparkle whatever glowered at me with her hands on her hips, "Killing is wrong!"

I blinked. I looked from the dying man on the floor to the dead monster. I touched a thumb to my temple and rested two fingers on my forehead as I trembled. "Ohmyfuckinggod," I half-sighed, half-grumbled before bellowing, "DO YOU THINK THAT I DON'T KNOW THAT!"

She floated back, eyes wide with shock. I guess people didn't tell off fairies or hallucinations very often. I waved back to lobster McGee, "Maybe you should have educated that fucker and I wouldn't have had to SHOOT HIM."

"I was tryi--"

"Please... mom... I need to call..."

My mind became a string of profanities as I knelt back down and tried to comfort the dying man, was his name David? Fuck. I fished his cellphone out of his pocket, "Okay buddy just hold on. What's her name?"

"Sparksong, what is wrong with you!?" I heard another voice, another teenaged girl, maybe older. This was getting tiresome. I didn't want to be here. I held up the phone to D... d... Daniel's - there we go! - to Daniel's face to try and unlock it.

"I was going to call you, but that man with the gun stopped me!"

"Bullshit!" The other girl spat before she dropped down beside me. I didn't really get a good look at her. "Sir, I'm going to need you to move if I'm going to save this man."

I looked to Daniel and pressed the now unlocked phone into his hands, "All yours, buddy." He turned his head to me, eyes lacking focus. It was hard to step away, but I did. I'm not sure why I listened, but at least this newcomer sounded reasonable.

I shuffled away and watched, tired, as the blue ponytailed, slightly taller, clearly older, and also dressed like a fairy princess girl formed a glowing green ball of light in her hands. She pressed it to the dying man and the magic began. Viscera slithered back inside him and flesh reknit in moments. Daniel fell asleep, but he was breathing regularly now.

Blue hair turned to me and smiled, "Thank you for helping. We're sorry we got you involved with this."

"What do you mean!? He killed Cancer!" Protested pink.

Wait, cancer?

"Sparksong, I know you got stuck with the love element, but Christ Almighty you need to stop it with this trying to change every last villain shit. I almost didn't get here in time to clean up your mess."

Lobster guy actually picked the name cancer? He wasn't even a crab...

"I could have saved him from himself, Angel."

And like, of all the names to pick, cancer? Really?

"Maybe if he wasn't actively trying to kill people. Sometimes, more times than I'd like, you've got to shoot the Joker."

I came out of my stupor to realize everyone but the girls and I had fallen asleep, "Uhh... what's going on?"

Blue girl, Angel I guess, looked at me, "Oh, that's right. You're immune to this spell."

"Well I guess that's an answer to my question, but why is everyone passed out?" I chalked up my strange calm to the fact that my adrenaline probably called it quits sometime during their argument.

"It's a spell to help uh... smooth our mistakes over. Mystery is working her magic and everyone so they forget. You'll remember, though."

I decided not to ask who Mystery was, "Why?"

She smiled sadly, "It's one of the ways into the magical world. Some of us get keys, wands, or trinkets to help us in. Killing a monster is another way. Welcome to the good guys."