The relief I felt when all eyes of the expedition left me (a knight) and Clair (a cleric) was refreshing. It had trotted over to Dugot, who lounged on a log, and plopped its head directly in his lap. The Barbarian took a few moments to process what had just happened .... everyone did. Then we were all hit at once.

Dugot: "...! N-now I know what this looks like."

Arms were beginning to cross, chins were beginning to raise, hands were meeting hips.

Dugot: "...! What are you trying to imply!? That I was lying!? Because I wasn't!"

The unicorn rubbed its nose against his stomach before leaning its head to the side and promptly dozing off.

Dugot: "GET OFF ME YOU STUPID HORSE!"

The Unicorn's eyes snapped open with scary alertness and it stood to attention almost as if it were a soldier. Dugot looked to his audience that now either bore raised eyebrows or leaked smugness.

Dugot: "G-ah-ek! I am Dugot the Barbarian! I have 12 wives and 24 children!"

...

Dugot: "Sh-shut up! I'm done with all of you!"

Henry (a trickster): "But no one said anything. (Yet)"

Dugot: "ESPECIALLY you!"

Henry raised his hands in peace and backed away upon the battle axe being drawn mere inches from his face. A cut strand of his hair gently floated downward. Dugot angrily turned and walked towards his horse, however the poor thing must have sensed his agitation because it reared up and ran off once Dugot neared it. From his back, I saw Dugot lower his head as the Unicorn walked to where Dugot's horse once stood. It stoically stared ahead like a noble steed with it's side facing Dugot in expectance for him to hop on.

Oh boy, was he about to blow?

Me: "Hey, Dugot ... you know it's ok if you-"

Dugot: "You guys know, I'm actually awake most of the time, right? You cannot be a warrior if you're asleep all the time."

Jered (a mage): "I mean the unicorn kinda makes it obvious that you don't sleep period."

The group lost it and almost everyone burst out in laughter. Dugot turned around with a crazed look in his eye.

Dugot: "Ha ha, funny Jered. Almost as funny as you forming a contract with Kala the witch to boost your magic in exchange for the first born of your pregnant wife to be disabled when she's due 2 months from now."

Everyone stopped laughing and Jered went pale.

Dugot: "Yeah. Not so funny now is it?"

Piany (a elf): "Jered, you what!? That's my sister! How could you!"

Dugot: "Oh don't act so noble now Ms. "Secretly worships the dark moon goddess when everyone is asleep", you're just upset you couldn't offer the baby to your goddess first!

Pinay pursed her lips. Everyone including myself now were seeming to realize the severity of what he was implying when he wasn't actually asleep most of the time. His eyes latched onto me. I quickly raised my hands and backed into the group to fade from sight. Didn't want to pull the pin on that grenade, knew exactly what he might have overheard, guess he took mercy on me and understood that mine was likely a secret to be best kept. Everyone would likely kill me if he said it.

As I backed away, he began to lay out a secret for every single member there except for me and, surprisingly, Henry.

Henry: ".... wow you guys are messed up." He laughed.

As Henry laughed, as per usual his horribly terrible bad luck decided rear its ugly head. I just so happened to be peaking from my tent when it happened. A Bearhemoth lumbered out of the forest on 4 legs, it's steps deceptively silent despite its large size. It paused behind Henry.

Henry: "Like I mean messed up! Bwhahaha!"

He wiped a tear from his eye.

Henry: "Heh, oh come on don't look at me like that, lighten up! Haha! Ha ... ha ......... There's another monster behind me isn't there?"

As if in response, the Bearhemoth blew his hair forwards with an exhale from its nose. Henry let out a high pitch shriek and ran towards everyone who proceeded to draw their weapons. The Bearhemoth stood up on 2 legs and let out a grueling blood curdling roar as we all charged. ...As Dugot charged.

Both roar and charge were cut short as a rainbow blur tackled the Bearhemoth from the side and launched it into a tree. The unicorn pulled it's horn out of the Bearhemoth's side and took a few steps back, shaking the blood off. The Bearhemoth treated the wound like it was nothing and recovered, now roaring at the unicorn. I kid you not, the unicorn flexed ... its limbs bulked like an absolute unit, bigger than Dugot's or Bert the bull back at my mom's farm.

For the brief second, right before it stood and delivered the first right hoof to the Bearhemoth's face, I swear I saw a look of intelligence and regret on the monster's face before it was sent backwards onto the earth. It then jumped atop of the Bearhemoth's chest and delivered a left hoof ... then a right ... and left .... and right ... then a hornbutt hornbutt left right hornbutt left left left right right right horn right .... you get the idea. The Bearhemoth's soul had long since left its body before the unicorn finally stopped.

You could only hear someone swallow in the silence.

Dugot: "Ya know what ... I'm over it! I like it! Welcome to the group my wittle rainbow blossom!"

Dugot merrily skipped over to the red unicorn with an apple in hand. It had returned to its normal physique. 🦄 It's eyes closed in satisfaction as Dugot fed it and gave it pets and baby talked it.

Dugot: "Who's a good unicorn? You are! Yes you are! Oh um yeah gang, sorry about earlier. None of that stuff with 12 wives and 24 children I constantly bragged about was true. Oh well, no harm no foul right?"

No one responded; atleast not until the unicorn glared at all of us from behind Dugot's back.

Everyone: "Yeah! Yup! Mhm buddy! Just friendly scuffles! You're the best Dugot!"