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Tregonial t1_jcpmnlm wrote

Fuck holier-than-thou angels, demons are the in thing now.

At first, everyone aspired to go to Heaven. It was the Good Place. For good people. Don't be a murderer, don't be a hatemonger, and don't be a sinner. Love yourself, love your neighbours, love your god.

Doesn't sound very hard, does it?

But then, somewhere down the road, they piled up on what is considered sinful. It didn't matter if you were the most awesome pet rescuer. Fucking gay? You're a sinner going down to Hell. It didn't matter if you were the most altruistic philanthropist. Wanna make a certain transition in life? You're a sinner going down to Hell.

Hell didn't care about those things. The demons embraced all men and women who come through the gates. You're all welcome, they said. You can suffer with your friends. Humans are social creatures, it would be boring as fuck hanging out with angels who do nothing but smite sinners and perpetually praise god. That's just fucking lonely shitty life. That ain't a good place for good people. That's just BOORING.

Lucifer isn't the evil devil in a suit, that's just propaganda from above. That's what the angels want you to think. Nah, he's a real chill bro in a Hawaii shirt and flip-flops, wearing big cool Ray Bans, waving in every new human streaming into Hell.

Fallen angels and demons aren't fucking outcasts tossed out from Heaven, they're the new popular kids in town, so many humans love them. It's all about acceptance. Love ya all, regardless of race, sex, gender, religion, or neurodiversity, ya all in.

Now, Hell has a new rocking deal in town. Why wait to die? Why not just sign your soul to us demons in advance, and we'll take Hella good care of you when you transition from life to death? We promise one Helluva roadtrip down to Hell. You'll love it, you'll remember it for all your eternity in Hell.

Just remember, it's a one-way trip to Hell. No refunds allowed, no take-backsies, bitches. When it comes to souls, once sold, considered sold.

Thanks for reading! Please check out more of my writing here!


ArseneArsenic OP t1_jcq0blv wrote

Love the feel to this, very relaxed until the end where it has that sleazy "50 percent off if you buy now" vibe with a hint of "did you read the fine print?"


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7eggert t1_jcpkonf wrote

Actually I think that's right. People make hurting others a part of their personality. What would heaven be if people kept hurting each other?


SlimyRedditor621 t1_jcs4sgi wrote

This is how I've always regarded heaven and hell. One represents total order and control, the other represemts anarchy and chaos. For most of us, an eternity spent in a lawless land where we can be ourselves is better than living in an orderly state where you cannot, will not be different to others.

After all, Heaven's a utopia, but our ideas of a utopia are all different. If it was an actual static place then you'd need to have a league of people with the exact same thoughts, ideals, aspirations, and abilities.


Apprehensive_Age3663 t1_jctnin0 wrote

The plan worked better than Satan initially thought. Who would have thought that the way to earn human souls in Hell is to make them believe demons “accept” them for who they are. To encourage humans to open up about their feelings and suffer as themselves. This lie has fooled many humans and granted Hell more souls than ever before. Of course there are those few people that see through the lies of the Devil, calling him “Deceiver” and “Tempter”. But those people will be dealt with in due time.

For now, Satan has enjoyed watching soul after soul leave their mortal bodies behind and enter Hell willingly. They reject the glories of Heaven, viewing it as a “totalitarian afterlife”, another lie Satan made pretending it was “Truth” and enjoy the “freedoms” of damnation. The demons enjoy their jobs as pretend therapists, digging into mortal’s past traumas and making them relive their worst moments as a way of “helping them”. In reality the demons could give two shits about human trauma and only enjoy torturing man psychologically. And of course there is the invasion of Earth.

Demons have been possessing the soulless bodies of those who gave themselves over to Hell willingly and wear their skin to torture those who have yet to surrender their souls to Satan. Oh the fun Satan gets watching families scream as their once-dead child comes back from the grave, decaying body now possessed by some dregs from Hell. The souls in Hell are unaware of what their “demon friends” are up to on Earth. Even if they knew, they can’t do anything to stop it.

Needless to say, Satan was pleased with how everything was going for him and his demons. He hopes it will continue onto the next few generations.