Who thought D&D would come so handy one day?

A long time ago, my mentor, Merlin explained to me how magic really works. I was his best pupil, he said, to carry his legacy forward.

Unfortunately, Merlin is no longer around to vet me.

Most people just see me as an annoyance, a slacker nerd with no aptitude for anything.

That annoyance only grows when they find I am one of the greatest mages in the world.

Many mages tried to show me my place. They all fell flat on their faces.

Other mages tried more lethal routes. All of them failed.

As the mage society started unifying in opposition to me, the attacks on me grew deadlier and yet equally impotent.

Which brings us to the events of today.

The great grandmaster Andlurth, the seventh of his name and leader of the Archmages, and the Dark Mage Kovith, the first Hellspawn, have jointly challenged me to a magical duel, in front of an audience that includes the High Council of Mages and the Kings of the continent. The Emperor of the Rhoyyylanth is the Chair.

As we take our respective positions, the two mages start chanting in unison, using the black speech:

“Skaat burz goth

Durb tala ul

Pau ishi grish

Nagraufrom! Nagraufrom! Nagraufrom!”

“Come dark lord! We summon you, Morgoth!!”

I sigh. An evil God. How predictable.

As Morgoth appears inside the runic circle, I hear a few gasps. The audience shifts uncomfortably.

I sigh again, step forward, and raise a finger:

“A giant hand from space appears and swats Morgoth like a fly.”

On cue, a giant hand from space actually appears, and actually swats Morgoth like a fly.

The resulting gore is something to behold.

The arena goes into a hushed silence for a minute, then explodes:

“Charlatan!!”

I sigh again.