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Jam-Man1 t1_jdnm2ly wrote

I sat in my seat at the little café I'd taken a liking to, sipping my coffee, the place was empty now, and I liked it that way. I didn't need the caffeine, on top of my immortality I'd developed a near immunity to the stuff centuries ago. Still, it was nice to feign normalcy, and the coffee was pretty good. As I put my cup of coffee down, a server came by, giving me a smile.

"Hello, how are you? Enjoying yourself?"

"Yes, thank you, the service here is impeccable," I replied, smiling in return.

Then, a lot of things happened at once. My server tensed, and a moment later, I reacted, jumping out of the way of their knife. In the next moment, they recovered, leveling their knife on me as they glared at me.

"I knew it was you, when great-grandfather learns that I was the one who finally killed you, I'll go down as a family legend!"

"Oh my god, you people are still around?" I exclaimed exasperatedly, "and you've gotten bolder somehow. You can't hope that this will end well, this place has security cameras you know?"

"I'll cross that bridge when I get to it, now have at you!"

I dodged out of the way again, they were good, but I'd had over a millennia of practice, and they really couldn't compare. They took a stab at my heart and I disarmed them in a single motion, holding the knife to their throat I asked them a question I hadn't had the opportunity to in a long time.

"Okay, why are you people still after me? It's been over 7 centuries!"

"You killed my great-great-great grandfather James!"

"He tried to poison me!"

"Well, before that you killed my 6 times great grandfather Oliver!"

"Tried to throw me off of a cliff!"

"Alice The Dauntless!"

"Stabbed me with a rapier!"

"Duncan of Cumbria?"

"Dropped an anvil on me."

"Seriously? Like a Wile E Coyote sketch?"

"Oh it is like that I never realized that."

"Has every ancestor of mine you've killed tried to kill you first?"

"More or less."

"That... wait no! Why should I trust you? For all I know you're lying!"

"Why would I lie? I could kill you right now if I wanted to like, mess with you or your family."

"That uh... I mean that makes sense honestly."

"Yes it does, now, I ask you again, why do you want me dead?"

"I... I honestly don't know."

"That makes two of us," I said, bringing the knife away from their throat.

"Wait! You don't know either?!" My assailant questioned as they rubbed their neck.

"No I don't, the first one of you weirdos who jumped me back in 1271 was already screaming about a generation-spanning feud."

The two of us stood there for a moment, both of us considering what this meant.

"So... sorry for trying to kill you," they said, awkwardly scratching the back of their head.

"Apology accepted, now I'm going to go back and scramble the cameras so you don't get arrested."

"That's... that's very kind of you, also you know how to work a security system?"

"You learn a lot of skills when you're immortal, passes the time."

"Yeah, see you later?"

"Guess so."


RedJazz313 t1_jdo6qbp wrote

I love this. I like to imagine that the first family member had mistaken the main character for someone else