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TerrificTooMan t1_jd1fboi wrote
An exhausted Adam and Lizzy slow down to a stop at the end of a sidewalk.
"Good thing those things make good distractions," said Lizzy. "Also, please tell me you didn't eat that burger."
"Uhhhhh," said Adam as a cloud flew out of his mouth playing the sound of violent vomiting. Adam waved the cloud away frantically.
"Come on, man, you're supposed to be the smart one," said Lizzy.
"Uhhh, Look! hot dogs! You love hot dogs," yelled Adam as he pointed to a hot dog kart parked at a park. Lizzy looks at the kart and then back at Adam.
"You know me so well," said Lizzy. The two walk over to the kart, Adam buys two hot dogs and hands them to Lizzy. Adam pays for the hot dogs and when he turns back to Lizzy her cheeks are stuffed. She smiles as she swallows. Another small cloud forms next to Adam still playing 'Hear Comes The Bride,' But is quickly blown away by Lizzy's meat burp.
"Gross!" said Adam, laughing. Adam buys himself another hot dog and the two find a park bench on a hill to sit on. Adam and Lizzy spend hours talking, laughing, and waving away clouds until the sun starts setting.
"...and that's the last I saw of Roberto," said Lizzy, "Hopefully he's out there saving others from my fate. Anyway, how was your weekend?"
"Nothing crazy," said Adam, "E-mails, video games, not getting banned from the zoo by feeding the peacocks bread."
"They looked hungry!" yelled Lizzy, "I swear, they're not feeding those animals properly..." As Lizzy goes off on another rant, Adam focuses completely on her, not missing a word. So much so that he doesn't notice the extra large flat screen-sized cloud floating above him. Lizzy looks behind Adam, seeing the fully formed cloud and blushing hard.
"There's a cloud right behind me isn't there?" asked Adam. Lizzy nodded. Adam turned around to see a beautiful forest wedding, him as a tin man in a suit watching Lizzy in a green and white wedding dress walk down the aisle with a nine-foot black bear giving her away. Adam tries to fan the cloud away but it moves out of his reach. The podium transforms into a mecha priest.
"Do you, Lilla Zenith Cross, take Adam to be your husband?" asked Mecha Priest. Lizzy's mouth is covered by a censor bar as she talks. "And do you, Bartholomew Drew Adams, take Lizzy to be your wife?"
"I do," said Dream Adam.
"Then, with the power invested in me, sponsored by Sony," said Mecha Priest, "I now pronounce you Boss Bitches, you may now throw the wedding grenade!" Mecha Priest's chest opens up to reveal a diamond-crusted grenade. Adam takes the grenade and presents it to Lizzy, she pulls the pin. Adam pulls Lizzy close as he throws the grenade into the air. The two kiss as the grenade goes off, destroying the cloud.
"Whoa," said Real Lizzy, redder than a tomato. She looks at Adam who is hunched over on the ground, faces firmly planted in his hands. "Your first name is 'Bartholomew?'" Adam lets out the loudest groan possible.
TerrificTooMan t1_jd1h6l2 wrote
Lizzy slides off the bench and scooches over to Adam. "So, Bartholomew, you wanna tell me what that was all about?"
"...I had a dream we got married," said Adam.
"Really," said Lizzy, "I couldn't tell, the giant black bear looked just like my dad."
"It was right after I got cursed," said Adam, "at first it just blended in with the other thoughts, but after a while, I dunno, it got stronger. I'd be thinking about something completely unrelated and the dream would just push itself to the front of my mind."
"Why didn't you tell me...?" said Lizzy.
"Because I...I didn't want to ruin this," interrupted Adam. "For better or for worse, you are my best friend, bar none. I've known you since freshman year and you've made my life better, even when I came home broken, bruised, and bleeding from when we tried to make homemade soup, I still had a great time because it was with you. I didn't want to risk..." Before Adam could finish, Lizzy grabbed him by the face and kissed him.
"No you idiot," yelled Lizzy, "Why didn't you tell me sooner?! For twelve years I've had a crush on you, TWELVE YEARS! I've always told myself that if you had wanted to you would have said something or at least given me a hint, but nothing, nada. Do you have any idea how..." Lizzy noticed that Adam was still dazed by the kiss. Several clouds flew out of his head displaying fireworks. Lizzy lightly slaps him on the cheek. "Hey, wake up! I'm venting some pent-up frustration and I..." Adam kissed Lizzy back, almost knocking her to the ground. "For the record, you're getting an earful tomorrow."
"Tomorrow?" asked Adam. Lizzy pulls him in close by his shirt collar.
"Did I stutter?!" said Lizzy.
"Tomorrow it is then," said Adam. The two continue kissing as a dozen cloud hearts float above them.
____________________
Thank you very much for reading! If you have any comments or critiques, please don't be afraid to let me know down below (As long as they're constructive (or funny)).
Stay safe, drink plenty of water, and be nice to one another.
ToonMan, AWAY!
chacham2 OP t1_jd2xe6j wrote
The setting and interaction between the characters was beautiful.
Critique? I'm not a big fan of the style, i didn't find the story itself to be that interesting, and i didn't like the mildly crude word in the first of your three posts. But i have to repeat: The setting and interaction between the characters was beautiful.
TerrificTooMan t1_jd3tpwj wrote
I may not be asking this right, but what precisely did you not find interesting, or was this just not the kind of story you expected?
chacham2 OP t1_jd4g0rr wrote
I read it to my wife last night (the first post) and we both kind of lost interest. The idea and interaction was nice, blowing away clouds, and having someone that close and dear. But, in the middle we couldn't tell 100% what was going on. Also, not sure if this means anything, but when i was reading it aloud, it didn't flow 100%.
TerrificTooMan t1_jd4vf4e wrote
Yeah, reading it back over again, I think I see what you're getting at. Thanks for taking the time to discuss this, your feedback is greatly appreciated!
chacham2 OP t1_jd4vvlv wrote
Wow, i didn't think you'd actually like my feedback. I just wanted to show appreciation for you taking the time to write it. :)
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azdv t1_jd4z9mn wrote
Trey had gotten used to walking the uncomfortable way he currently was. Hands practically glued to his sides, head straight, and eyes forward. He looked weird but it also limited the interactions he had with people. The young man was cursed show that whenever he interacted with someone, his real thoughts appeared in a projection between the two.
He had managed fine so far, he got a few books, got a couple of new shirts and everything was fine.
“Treeeeeyyyyyy”
Trey winced. He knew the voice and cadence like a favorite song except he detested the sound. It usually meant he was about to be forced to deal with Kurt. His co-worker, dorm advisor, and all around general annoyance.
“What’s up Kurt?”
He refused to turn around and face Kurt. Maybe Kurt would get the hint and leave. But of course, Kurt just walked around in front of him. His shit eating grin shining proudly on his face like a child on Christmas.
“Nottttt much, just doing some shopping, and I’m looking for some new clothes.”
Kurt laughed and nudged Trey with his elbow. Trey unfortunately knew that Kurt was joking about trying to meet chicks and had to suppress a laugh.
“Well then I guess I’ll just leave you to your shopping spree.”
“Eh? C’mon man, don’t ever just look out at all the hotties out there…”
Kurt spun Trey around and put his arm around his shoulder.
“…like look at the chick outside of Hot Topic. Pierced eyebrows, tattoos, fishnets, I bet she’s a little freak. Then, there’s that blonde outside of Jc Pennys…mhmm man how do you regret getting married right after high school. I couldn’t stand it, I’d be straying left, right, up…down…”
Treys was smiling as a cartoon of Treys wife Julia chasing Kurt around and whacking him with a comically large mallet while Trey sat back, ate popcorn and enjoyed the show.
“Sorry Kurt…I wasn’t uh…I wasn’t listening.”
“Yeah…I’ll um see you back at the dorms.”
Kurt left in a haste. The vision changed to Kurt on the ground with swirly eyes, an exaggerated lump on his head, and birds circling above his head while Trey held Julia triumphantly on his shoulder. Every once in a while, the curse came in handy.
TerrificTooMan t1_jd16vti wrote
Adam and Lizzy were hanging out at their usual gross dinner for their weekly lunch. The two sit across from each other in their favorite booth. Adam starts talking when a small cloud forms next to his head. He quickly noticed and fanned the cloud away.
"Thought bubbles still giving your trouble, huh?" said Lizzy.
"God, you have no idea," said Adam. "I have to be on high alert every time I'm around people. If I even look at someone a stupid cloud forms." As if on cue, another cloud forms on the other side of his head and he waves that one away too.
"At least you've gotten better at dealing with it," said Lizzy. "A year ago you barely noticed that they were there. Remember when Mac had to give that presentation and you remembered how he crapped his pants at the middle school dance?"
"They called him 'Brown Town' for months," said Adam. "I still apologize every time I pass his office."
"At least he forgave you," said Lizzy. "Remember your old boss, Mrs. Grey."
"I wish I didn't," said Adam as another cloud formed above his head. Lizzy pointed at it and Adam swatted it away like the rest. "She didn't deserve to get publicly outed in front of the whole store like that."
"On the bright side," said Lizzy, "She seems really happy with her new husband."
"She married the busboy?!" said Adam.
"If you mean the 'aspiring screenwriter,' then yes," said Lizzy, letting out a small giggle. Adam slammed his face on the table. Another, slightly larger cloud appeared over Adam and Lizzy swatted it away. "Hey, think of all the good this curse has done for you. You helped your brother and dad make up."
"Stubborn idiot, only can honest when he's on death's door and thinks no one can hear him," said Adam.
"And what about Lee's and Ann's wedding?" said Lizzy.
"Oh, man! I nearly forgot about that," said Adam. Another large cloud popped into existence playing 'Here Comes The Bride.' Adam blows it away.
"Bet they're really happy you remembered their first kiss," said Lizzy.
"I bet they're happier I closed my eyes when I did," said Adam.
"Hey, you have a working mouth and one of them has working ears," said Lizzy, "You could have said something." The two laughs as a cloud the size of a TV appears behind Adam, still playing 'Hear Comes The Bride.' Adam grabs his menu and fans it away. He sits back down exhausted.
"Something on your mind, champ?" said Lizzy.
"Nothing, just another thought wanting to get out of the old brain palace," said Adam. Lizzy glares at him with suspicion. "What?"
"You only talk like an old man when you're hiding something," said Lizzy, "Come on, spit it out, It might help." Adam blushes hard as several small clouds appear around the booth, all playing 'Hear Comes The Bride.' Before any of the clouds take shape, Adam huffs and puffs and blows them all away with the help of his menu. A greasy, fat old man pokes his head out of the kitchen.
"Hey!" yelled the old man, "I worked hard for that C- rating! If you can keep your head out of the clouds then get out!" A cloud appears in the middle of the dinner, showing the old man handing Adam a burger.
"Why is the cheese green?" asked Past Adam.
"Well, in honor of the only author I respect," said the past old man, "I'm doing green meals!"
"Oh, that's cool I guess," said Past Adam. "So, how did you get the food dye in the cheese?"
"Food dye?" said the past old man. The present old man leaped at the cloud, making it disappear. When he gets up he stares at the now-empty booth.