"Or you could just not have a timer on the motherfucker in the first place."

"...But why would I do that?"

"So that nobody with a brain knows how long they've got." He clasped his hands together. "Think about it. What's scarier? Knowing you're gonna' die, but you have 30 seconds to go over it? Or knowing you're gonna' die soon, but you have no clue when exactly?"

"Man, that's... That's something."

"Plus think of all the money you save on buying clocks and stopwatches. Those LED screens add up in our yearly budget."

"We have a yearly budget?"

"I mean, yeah, boss. Didn't you just have us file our taxes?"

"Look, I don't wanna' fuck with the IRS."

"Me neither. They got Capone, they'll come get us too."

"This is why I hired you."

"Thank you sir."

"So, no timers. Got it. Anything else?"

"Maybe keep things separated in more than one place? I don't like being in the room with all of this in one spot."

"Yeah, makes me nervous a little bit too."

"Like, I know it won't go off at random. But you know, it's the fact all the components are here..."

"And we're standing in the middle of it all."

"...Yeah."

"You're right. This shit's uncomfortable. Let's talk somewhere else."

"Lock the doors, because we really don't want that just floating around."

"Yeah. Taxes are easy to explain. But this..."

"Wind up under the jail under the other jail."

"That's Supermax time."

"Jesus himself will be back before your ass get out."

"Matter fact, tell you what, we sell that shit in there. Get it off our hands. Go into something else?"

"Like what?"

"Scamming cryptobros, I don't know."

"Sounds good. Want me to make some calls?"

"Sure. And uh, help me repack this stuff?"

"Ok. Just... Be careful. They'll be picking pieces of us off the moon if we mess up."

"Yeah this is just extra trouble for no reason."

"We're evil, but not that evil."

r/Jamaican_Dynamite

“John, aren’t you gonna defuse that?”

“Relax, man, we have a minute. You know, the audience? They love this shit. Really gets their dicks wet, as they watch the number slowly drip down to zero.”

“Whatever you say, boss.”

“Really, man. I’ve seen it. They love watching the number slowly go down, and then, when it’s single digit, at highest, you defuse it. They love it, when it changes color from red to green, with .01 second left. Really lets them cream themselves.”

“Okay, boss, I agree.” Clyde didn’t like how boss was making it sexual.

“Really, Clyde. I’ve seen people make out to scenes like that. I’ve seen women in theatres start blowing during those scenes. That’s what I want to contribute to, you know? I want to be part of something bigger than-“

The bomb exploded, killing everyone.

"I'm not sorry. I did what I had to." I stared down the camera. I was ready.

A police officer asked. "Mr. Johnson, are you sur-"

"I am. We all know what I did, why I did it, and I would think the rest of you folks would be grateful enough to still be alive to forgive me." I spat.

"You know how it all started?" I spat at the closest camera. They'd already sentenced James to death, I knew what was coming. "James, my old classmate, he approached me. Said he didn't want to die in nuclear fire, he had an idea. Rodney was already in. We would forcefully disarm the world of its nukes, saving your sorry brains. I would kill Chinese leadership, make sure that they would be headless and that the Terra Firma Systems Union would swallow them. The TFSU had too many redundancies, it had to be China. Rodney would hack TFSU nukes using his insider position, and James would hack Chinese nukes. Send 'em to the moon, they can't hurt anyone there."

"They did their jobs, I did mine. No nukes meant conventional warfare, which meant everyone is still alive. The Chinese always defuse that stuff at the last minute, live stream purposes. I got past it by setting the thing to explode at twenty to go." I stared at the international court below me. "James did his thing, and I'm no computer scientist, don't ask me how Rodney got past Canada AI. Maybe she let him through, didn't want to die either.

"I don't care. I'm not sorry for the people killed in riots, the soldiers killed in the war. They would've all died anyway, in a ball of plasma, fire, and radiation. Send me to Hell, I know I'm going there; I did what I had to, and you all know it." I ended my rant breathing heavily, eyes glaring at the court and cameras above me. "So do it. Get me back to Rodney and James. But we both know what we prevented."

The judges gave their answer. "Mr. Charlie Johnson, for regicide, assassination, and high-profile terrorist actions, the International Court of the United Nations finds you guilty and sentences you to death."

I watched the officers raise their weapons. "I'm not sorry. I did what I had to."

A bang, then darkness.

“Wouldn’t that defeat the point of the timer?”

I shook my head, clasping my hands together. “Quite the opposite, actually. The timer plants the idea of a certain amount of time, a window to defuse the bomb. The timer never has to be timed to the bomb itself, merely displaying a number, and then when a certain number is displayed, that’s when the bomb triggers, but that mechanism is seperate and not linked to the timer’s visual display, and is instead linked to a remote. As such, the supposed heroes are caught off guard.” I tossed the remote around in my hand, grinning with excitement. Not because people were going to die, no, more because I was proud of myself

I got some stares from around the room. Whatever. This was my lab, and if these losers didn’t approve of my science, they could screw off. I turned back around to tend to my stereotypical wall of electronics and screens that the technology efficient villain has, but mine was mostly used for monitoring people. Monitor the base, monitor the locations we would bomb, et cetera. When nobody made a sound, not even a motion to leave the room and get planting the bomb, I turned back to glare at them.

It was just a little bit funny seeing them all shuffle out awkwardly, and even the big boss was a bit stunned looking. Huzzah. Having proven my genius once again, I swung back around to my monitors, typing in the coordinates of where the bomb was about to be placed. It took a little while to get set into motion, but as I was remotely controlling the bomb, I didn’t care. The gaggle of uber losers(‘heroes’) shuffled onto the scene. The leader, with his ugly spandex suit and his even uglier face, declared that he would be the one to bravely defuse this bomb, while the rest of them should look out for ‘innocents’. Stupid. There were no innocents here! Corrupt CEOs and politicians was more like it. But of course, heroes live to serve those that pay.

He fumbled around with the wires. He was so bad at it that I figured I might not even need the remote- he’d explode himself before I would. I zoomed in, watching as the timer ticked down. This was fun. I wish I had brought popcorn, but I had forgotten. Shame. As he failed miserably at dismantling the bomb, I checked my other screens to make sure those other heroes were being held up, that nobody could get out of the building. A few of our goons were fighting valiantly, keeping them at bay and even taking hostages. I would recommend the ones that survived the ordeal to the big boss, they needed promotions.

One hero, the token girl in terrible spandex, was trying to rescue some stupid billionaire. I didn’t care much for this, and it annoyed me to see her succeed. A bit of me felt pity- she probably didn’t know the extent of the evil this man had committed, the people he had harmed, but the rational part of my brain stomped that notion out. Those who have more money than they could spend in a lifetime get there by exploiting people, and those trying to protect them just want in on the exploitation. I pressed a couple buttons, and some goons came to stop her seconds later. I was used to this song and dance. They had been stationed everywhere around the building, and there was more than usual this time, so they were easy to alert, and would swarm those maggots that call themselves heroes.

Looking back to the main spectacle, the spandex clad loser with too much gel in his greasy brown hair only had a minute left. By now, I thought he would’ve cut a few decoy wires, at least, but none. The explosion would probably cause some significant damage to the building, and to him, but since he had some stupid superpowers or something, he’d probably recover. My goal wasn’t to harm the heroes, though. It was to make a statement, to reveal what went on within that specific building, and to knock off a few jackasses in the process. As the clock ticked down, I noticed that, on one of my screens, a hero was headed for the location of the bomb. I didn’t bother to stop him. I could trigger the bomb early if anything went wrong, so I just watched and waited.

He sprinted up to the main loser, tackling him with a muffled ‘get down!’, which I doubted the usefulness of, as he was already making the other man get down, as it were. For dramatic effect, and maybe to cause less damage to the heroes themselves, I triggered the bomb. Narrowly out of the fray, they moved to investigate the damage. And, more importantly, the human trafficking operation hidden right underneath their noses, and exposed by the explosion.

(not my best. not my worst. I’m tired. hate capitalism.)

"JUST CUT THE FUCKING WIRE!!"

"HANG. ON!" I roared back.

This shit is easy when when all you need to do is wait for ten seconds to appear. Now there's basic maths involved and I'm completely lost.

"IT NEEDS TO BE LESS THAN TEN SECONDS!"

"WHAT ARE YOU...JUST CUT THE THING AND LET ME OUT OF HERE"

I put a finger to his lips and shush him. Everytime he shouts, I lose my place and have to start the equation all over again.

"Shhhhh. Look if the bomb goes off at twenty seconds and I need to wait for a least ten seconds left to defuse it and there's fifty six seconds remaining and the clock is decreasing by two seconds each time due to the wrong wire bring cut, at which point in the timer do I nee.."

“John!” Shouted Plaus. “The book!”

John finished his hero monologue and turned. To his horror, the book that the pair had been hunting for the past two years, was tightly secured between the arms of a man; his hip containing a little black box with a timer on it.

“We can negoti-“ and the man slapped the book on to the box, and the clock could be heard ticking its springs and twisting the fuse of packets of powder.

The man looked up and locked eyes. Ten seconds passed until finally he bellowed: “The CIA and KGB will never take me alive!” Before charing at them.

Plaus froze in terror, John simply held out his hand and let the man run into a brick wall, knocking him out. There was now only about five seconds left, and John, the hero and just, threw the man’s body up into the air like a firework. The crimson blood showering the skies like a firework.

“Anyway, that’ll be $50 bucks please.” John said to the crowd. There were cheers and beers being poured onto the streets. John smiled, until he felt something burning his nose, then something pecked him on the head; and that’s why this town you see now is called “Metal Hail” by the locals instead of Johnvsbookville.

"I am, after all, a brilliant strategist. Manipulating every piece as I go, not to guarantee a specific outcome, but to guarantee whatever outcome occurs will be advantageous. That fool will be ready for a last minute triumphant victory, but as a brilliant strategist I of course know that it's in the moment you believe you're about to win that you're most vulnerable to failure. "

My henchmen looked at me, clearly unimpressed.

"Ok boss, but what if the hero just....ya know.....defuses it early?"

"Nonsense! He will figure it out how to diffuse it early, certainly, but that pompous ass would never allow himself to miss an opportunity for needless dramatic effect!"

"Whatever you say boss."

They mumbled disappointed murmurs under their breath as they hurriedly finished arming the bomb and setting up the camera for me to livestream my evil machinations, and the hero's failure of course, to the entire city. They'll see. I am, after all, a brilliant strategist. That dope in tights will never win this time!

They get the stream set up and I notice the camera's red light turn on.

"Aha! Now watch and tremble as I destroy your pathetic city capitol building, fools!"

Suddenly that lame hero shows up to foil my plans...a bit too quickly. Strange. Was he tipped off somehow?

"...And there's nothing this fool of a hero can do to save it or you! Mwahahaha"

The hero raised an eyebrow and punched me once, flinging me across the room before rushing up to the bomb with the very obvious, and very incorrect timer.

"Was the evil laugh really necessary? Seems a bit cliche. Though I guess you do like the classics, like a bomb with an obvious timer on it."

He took the bait!

"Of course I have to do the evil laugh! You can't be a proper evil-doer without the evil laugh: it's about having standards!"

Just keep him distracted for a few more moments and-

Suddenly the timer begins sparking, and the display sputters out until the timer turns off entirely, with a plume of smoke rising from the malfunctioned bomb.

"You may have a bombastic presence, but this plan's a dud."

He looks into the camera with that same smug look I've come to hate.

"Eh, what can I say? Bomb making was never my specialty."

"HA, ya got that right!"

"I'm no bomb maker, but I am, after all, a brilliant strategist!"

I do it. My back up plan. I didn't want to do it in so simple a manner, but I do it. Always have a plan B. I pull out my gun and shoot the hero in the back before blacking out, only to wake up days later to see on the news that my gun apparently jammed and the hero saved everyone. Damnit. Next time.

[deleted]

"Your time is running out~" I mocked, watching the hero fiddle with the wires on the bomb I had placed.

"You sick bastard!" he yelled at me while I laughed at him.

The timer ticked on. One minute. The hero had one minute.

...or so he thought.

The hero always defuses the bomb within the last 10 seconds. Always. That's why he doesn't know that he only has 40 seconds left.

"Having fun there?" I grinned as he pulled around more of the wires. A bead of sweat rolled down his face.

"Why so many fucking wires?!" He hissed at me. I laughed once more at his aimless attempts to find the right wire. But he wouldn't. I knew he wouldn't.

I watched the timer go down. 40... 39... 38... For years, people had seen him as the hero. The one who saves the day. The perfect, golden guy who's never done wrong. But today, I'll finally get him back for what he did to me. The hero will finally get what he deserves.

The timer still ticked on. 25... 24... 23...

My grin widened as the timer reached its end.

Leaving the scene, I smiled to myself. His last words were "why so many fucking wires".

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