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ZachTheLitchKing t1_je1b0ul wrote

<Fantasy / Comedy>

People had called Kothar an unhinged madman, but the necromancer's insanity was nothing compared to the hero's jaw... literally unhinging! Kothar might not have been as surprise were it a reptilian species of some sort - Lizardfolk, Argonian, Reptoid, anything - but a human? To call watching a man's mouth expand to the point that an entire cheese wheel fit 'unsettling' was an understatement.

"Are you...are you even ch-chewing?" Kothar asked, his eyes narrowing as his face twisted in discomfort. The hero just stared back at him with a ferocious intensity while lifting up a roast chicken. His teeth sank into it but he did not bite through; rather he was just using them to hold the chicken in place as he shoved it inch-by-inch into his gullet.

Kothar felt nauseous. He had not had a stomach in over eight centuries but this was getting to him. The spell that had been glowing in his staff had long since faded away as his concentration was utterly destroyed. Another wheel of cheese came out of the hero's pack and as he opened his mouth again Kothar could see the whole chicken still in the process of being swallowed.

"Please stop," the mage said weakly, taking a step back. The hero stepped forward as he forced the cheese into his mouth, not even blinking as he glared at Kothar.

"Stop this at once!" Kothar said, pointing his staff threateningly but fear was gripping the necromancer now. He had done some despicable and disgusting things but this was unnatural even beyond his dark magic.

When the hero pulled a watermelon out of his pack, Kothar shrieked and threw the staff down on the ground. He turned and ran away, glancing back as he made for the hidden escape tunnel and saw only the hero, watermelon half in his mouth, giving chase.



cybervseas t1_je3llwt wrote

> When the hero pulled a watermelon out of his pack, Kothar shrieked and threw the staff down on the ground.

I absolutely lost it with this line. What a great example of show don't tell.


TheBlinja t1_je3z7zq wrote

Kothar: Darth Vader's 'Nooooo!'

Hero: Murloc gargle, while pulling a live hog out of their pack.


Misteph t1_je45gy6 wrote

Great story, but the typo "the mage said weekly" is the funniest thing to me. Just the image of both characters being basically frozen where they are for weeks while the hero slowly pushes the food into their mouth whole... which now that I think about it could basically be canon to the game since that is essentially what happens when you're in your inventory


ZachTheLitchKing t1_je4xu00 wrote

Fixed the typo ^u^ Thanks for pointing it out! But it did work sort of, like you said xD