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1

DragonsaAreBadass t1_jd4h1k4 wrote

'Oh no. Please tell me this is not the 'heroes' party. Since ancient times those glorified barbarians have been slaughtering our kind. They showed no mercy to our elderly and children, marauding their dead bodies.'

"Take heed fellow adventurers for as I shalt vanquish even the remotest evil to protect our holy kingdom!"

cheering party members

"Before we fight an useless fight, can you at least grant me one last death wish?"

Looking back to his party members the 'hero' proclaims:

"Thine wish shall be granted, demon! As I embody the munificence of good and shall portray a strong contrast opposed to your brethren. Now, speak!"

'Maybe he is not as dumb as he looks like, maybe this guy can be talked with.'

"What did I do that I deserve this treatment? Did my brethren ever harm your kind?"

"Of course! You wicked demons are the sole reason for many wars in which countless brave soldiers have left their lifes. You are planting evil in the minds of weak humans. Plundering villages and eating the newborn. And you dare to ask me why?!"

'Oh so this meathead fell for the holy kingdoms propaganda too, this is gonna be difficult.'

"I'm sorry but I have to strongly disagree with you!"

"Let's agree to disagree, now show me what you've got, I'll beat you at your full strength!"

'Is violence the only language he talks?'

"No, what I mean is that we have never done such things! And why should we eat your newborns? We can't even digest meat, that's why we are vegetarian and live in the woods! Do you really want to know the reason for the missing babies? It's your king who is kidnapping more and more newborns each year to raise them into the army. An army he uses to further exterminate any advanced non-human species! We demons are a peaceful species! We never meant anyone harm, it's your greedy emperor who does."

The hero suddenly starts hysterically laughing. His party chimes in.

"Do you really think such cheap words would work on me? Can't you see my SSS-Class divinity skill? I am immune to any of your hollow words!"

"And you're immune to reason as well it seems."

Mumbled the innocent demon before his head was split apart by the oh-so righteous 'hero'.

23

Acceptable_Tip_1979 t1_jd57h01 wrote

Finally! As you strip off the last of the painters tape, you can finally say you are done with your mountain retreat. It was a side project you started early in you career, and as the years rolled up, many of the plans updated, your mountain retreat is done.

Having now retired, he used was done. A nice shower later to to wash off the sweat and finally done. In your comfy clothes, you finally find ready to relax. Finally using that coffee machine and a recipe you bookmarked on tiktok and finally sitting down to finally break into your first book on your long reading list (Will Wight... don't judge me!) you prepare for retirement.

*BOOM BOOM BOOM*

Your sigh is audible and long suffeing. Looking at your security system, you see something you dreaded. Omega Lady. And she looks to be looking for a fight.

"Can I help you?" you ask, trying to sound as pleasant as you can to an unwelcomed guest

"Come out and face me! How dare you build a lair here! Fight me! I won't let you threaten the city from this keep!" Omega Lady yelled, looking for where the voice was coming from. Confused since she couldn't see cameras, or speakers.

"What are you talking about? Threatening? Please leave my property."

"This mountain is not your property! Get out here you fiend!"

"Um yes. It is. Bought from the government, legally. So please leave"

Omega Lady just floated there a bit, actually she dropped a few inches, looking flabbergasted.

"Wha... What?? How? With your ill gotten gains? You thief! I will break into your lair and bring you to justice!"

You let the silence play out... in fact you actually pumped some white noise through the speakers, just to highlight it.

"Do you have a warrant? Or evidence? What are you on?"

Omega Lady actually sounded surprised. "Warrant? No! but look at this! a mountain stronghold! on a mountain overlooking the city in the valley! You are a fiend and villian! Submit to..."

You BLAST a loud horn out the hidden speakers.

"I am at my abode, duly filed with the city, with blueprints approved. On my mountain, bought from the government. So you are now trespassing on my property... and while I do see you floating, I will note that this also includes the airspace around it. This "lair" as you call it, is insulting as I spent years building this retirement abode. Now you and I may have had some epic battles, but that was in the past, I am now retired, and you are interfering in my retirement. No please leave before I call the police on you... and won't that be embarrassing"

Omega Lady look, for lack of a better term, gobsmacked... She actually landed and just stared.

"But your crimes! And how can you afford this! Through ill gotten gains!..."

"As much as you like being pompus and sanctimonious, I will let you in on some information. And I suggest you go with the proper authorities before slandering me. Any all crimes have been pardoned, on the condition of my retirement, which I do intend to honor. As for gains? I did have a life outside or little... arguments. All my taxes are paid and my money is mine completely earned cleanly, as much as it makes you tighted your arse in those, admittedly fashionable tights. So please leave and go bother someone else."

Omega Lady was stunned, then looked like she couldn't believe this. She got an intense look and then flew off. You managed to catch her putting her finger to her ear and mouthing something, probably making a call.

Smiling you go back to your new living room, grabbing your coffee and finally sitting down, with a smile before cracking open Unsouled. You look around at what you built, with your pardon hanging on the wall (yes asking for a copy to frame was maybe cliche but hey it was earned) along with you shaking hands with some world leaders, a picture that you agreed to never release, taken in private.

Yes everything you said was correct. You invested money from some creations you patented and sold and that is how you could afford all this. And you will continue to do so. Not the violent ones that caused danger and destruction. The ones that were necessary to help people. A weird duality you devoloped. As for the pardon, well, it was sure a coincidence that Omega was away from the world was threatened. And as much as you didn't like heroes, when the government came to you, with distaste asking you to help from a very dangerous threat, you agreed. You did have some family, and you agreed on the conditions for a pardon, the mountain to be bought (you were already building this place so might as make it fair) and filing the bluprints of this place with them (most of them, had to keep SOME things from them, for old times sake. You also agreed to retire, so they can get a win.

You didn't want notiriety or applause. No you really are looking to retire. Ok maybe if a villiain wants some advice you will do so, but yeah. This is the best outcome. Maybe in a few years you might feel the urge to conquer the world, but that is done and you just want to maybe live and play with your nieces and nephews who you just got to know. Retirement can be good. Now if only Omega Lady can be convinced to let him be. Or should he say Helen. His sister in law is a great person in her civilian persona, but seriously family shouldn't fight. Glad his mask and voice modifiers kept his secret identity.

96

Nomyad777 t1_jd5uxdw wrote

"Dear god," I muttered to myself. I was tempted to flick on the outside camera, but I knew better than to use science here.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

I opened the cabin door. "Hello, how can I help you today?"

"Yeah," the Hero said. "We have a problem."

"You've been having problems all your life. I'm not a magic problem solver." I retorted.

"I need your skills!" the Hero protested. "The Underdark is attempting to invade the overworld once more and destroy the balance of the-"

"I told you on Oorbous," I said in a low voice, "That, if you chose to return, we were done. You did you, I did me, and our time together was over. I have not forgotten, James, nor do I intend to. Unlike you, I am done with all this crap. Give me a planetary threat and I'll come out of retirement, and not a second sooner!"

"But the Underdark is a-"

"Do you know what a planetary threat is?" I asked, not giving him time to answer. "No, you do not. When it comes, you will, and then you can journey to my bunker and cottage here on this mountainside and pull my aging body back into the Refresh Cycle. Until then, leave." I slammed the door into his face.

Oorbous. Where it all started and ended. Where I had chose to protect, while the Hero had chosen neither, but to continue what he was doing. I had already wisened up that it wasn't enough, but even his best companion was unable to pull him out of his bubble.

I had joined organisations slowly getting society to advance again. Small inventions, like fire pillows, and large inventions, like lumber mills, were being introduced as fast as we could find audiences for them. I was old, hundreds of years thanks to the Refresh Cycle, and I was ready to retire and die.

-----

James had finally learned to stay away for over two years now. He would do his thing, and me mine, and I was finally relaxing. In the morning, I would-

Knock-knock-knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock-knock-knock.

I jumped out of my bed sharply as I realized what I was hearing. Rushing to the door, I found James. "What now?" I grumbled.

James looked tired, as though he had spent the last month traveling without rest. So did the rest of his party. "XK," he said.

"What kind?"

"Alien invasion."

"Defenses?"

"None. They have antimagic in ways we have never seen."

"Public?"

"No."

"Foundation building up to it?"

"That's how I found out."

I sighed. "It's time I tell you why I chose what I did at Oorbous. Come inside. We have... a lot of talking to do. I'll cook something up." I smiled. "It's good to see a much saner James again, huh?"

He cracked a weary smile. "Yeah, well... it's been-"

"Don't." I said. "And don't just stand in the door all day."

36

doggo_with_knife t1_jd69rml wrote

It was certainly hard work building such a massive structure in such an inhospitable environment. The Awakening had reconnected the world to the wells and streams of ancient magic which had been sealed away in the planet’s core eons ago. Now the forces and beings of bygone myths and legends were beginning to reappear.

I was fortunate to come from a long line of dreamers who struggled to draw even a fraction of the old magic back up and out into the world again. When the power returned, my body and mind were prepared to receive it. I gained telekinesis and quickly found that I could exert a hand-shaped force at least one hundred times my strength.

I set out to become the Demon Lord I had always dreamed of. Along the way, I recruited others who had been affected by the surge of magic. Some struggled to accept it and received transformed bodies as a result, capable of wielding their new power. Orcs, elves, cyclops’s, and even lizard-folk. Any being of legend was possible now. Together we would build a home where we could all be safe and happy.

As we approached the mountains, we began to encounter more animals and even plants which had been effected by the surge. Dire wolves, runebears, and even harpies who once were peaceful hawks had begun to prowl and quarrel in this new power structure. With our combined forces, we suffered no casualties beyond minor cuts and bruises.

The construction took a total of four months after we finally reached a suitable clearing. Fortunately the local climate was typically mild. We followed the news only at a distance. Of course there was chaos everywhere, since humans are naturally opposed to such drastic and extreme change, but we had already dedicated ourselves to this task. There was no going back now.

The quarried stone, carefully treated lumber, and even the cement we had to mix largely by hand. I now had an intimate knowledge of every single spec of this glorious keep, like nothing I had ever experienced before. This wasn’t just a home. This was a dream that we all came together and built for ourselves. This was our labor of love.

… So you can imagine my surprise to learn that we are under siege by a group of 6 teenagers calling themselves “heroes”. Apparently one was able to blast a hole through the main gate big enough for their vanguard to jump through and begin assaulting my people. I am told that my response held such force that all who witnessed it swore that gravity had shifted by ninety degrees, as I flew out of my keep and dragged every violent trespasser out with me.

“Do you have any idea what you’ve done?!” I scream as I attempt to keep a clear head. With my powers as they are now: even imagining the act of harming these fools could put their lives at risk “Well, if it isn’t the evil demon lord. We’ve come to defeat you!” The vanguard shouts as if he were a child with a toy.

“Can it, Jason!” Shouts the sorceress who destroyed the gate. The remainder were two sword and shield wielding soldiers, a medic in plate mail, and a rogue with enough concealed knives to break a metal detector “We know you’ve been squatting on this government property for months now, poaching the local wildlife, and building an army of monsters. It all ends today” the sorceress is clearly the leader, while the vanguard is simply delusional.

“Do you truly believe this wildlife is what needs protecting anymore?” I dangle them all over a venus flytrap I’ve been meaning to pull. It strikes and snaps at their legs, but cannot reach. These days they mainly feed on rabbits, deer if they’re lucky. “And as for those ‘monsters’, I’ll have you know they still retain everything that once made them human. Now they simply have more. All we want is to live in peace, free of psycho’s like you trying to say we shouldn’t exist. As for the land ownership: yes, currently we are squatting. It would elate me beyond words to be able to buy this property from the government officially, but they refused my applications. I had no idea they would send hitmen!”

Unfortunately this had given the rogue enough time to plan. They pulled a boot knife and threw it at my arm. In order to stop it telekinetically I had to drop one of them. I chose the medic. I remembered a lake to the west and threw the remainder of the party into it. Enough to scare the pants off them without serious injury. The medic did not understand this.

“You damned monster! I’ll kill you!” The medic grabs a viciously spiked shield as they charge at me. I lift myself over him “You’re friends are safe, I just threw them in the lake. You should run after them and make sure they all know how to swim” he pauses for a moment before realizing the lake I’m referring to. “Well… fine… but you haven’t seen the last of us. We will be back, and we Will defeat you…!” He turns and runs off.

I’m hoping to at least get a day out of this to repair and fortify the stronghold. I had no intention of building armaments on it initially because we had no desire for violence, but clearly that is all that these “heroes” understand. I’m grateful no one died from their attack, but how long before the first casualty falls? If it is one of mine, they will see it as progress toward their victory. If it is theirs, they will refuse to quit until they avenge their fallen comrade.

I’ll think about it over coffee.

18

impoverishedpoetry t1_jd6p7rm wrote

It was autumn when the monkey arrived at my doorstep. He looked angry, as far as monkeys go. I was not concerned.

The home itself had become a bastion. A haven. A soliloquy. The defenses impeccable. The isolation absolute.

The monkey screamed at the door, at me, perhaps. The monkeys had proved stubborn when I first arrived. They thought themselves nature's finest and I had proven apt at dissuading them otherwise. Animals. Curing them of their beliefs did not help me with my thoughts.

Grief is a wheel turning, the spoke comes around again. I had divested myself of my other and found freedom in power. And now I was here.

The monkey continued to shriek at the front gate, a profound tone that I found myself pitying. I went to the study and opened the window. It would be better, I thought, then what I had become.

As I slept, my mental intuition, honed for oh so many years, yelled in a much less poignant way then the monkey had, for loss of his tribe, for loss of his mother.

From within a great lethargy I roused myself, for I knew then that I still possessed the will and as a sharp edged rock descended upon my brow, I spoke one word of power. And the monkey became ash.

3