"Caarrlllll! Why did you crush every human into a giant meatball?"

"I do not know what you are talking about."

"I'm talking about that giant ball of meat right there."

"Oh wow I did not see that. Must be some nasty chefs going around."

"Carl, I watched you piecing it together."

"That does not sound like something I would do."

"Carl... Oh god... Why is still moving Carl?"

"Oh, it is? The chef must've been a genius that knew of a way to keep the meat fresh by keeping it alive."

"Carl."

"Gee whiz, I can only hope to meet such a genius."

"Carl."

"I wonder if the spices have settled in, right?"

"CARRRRLLLLLLL!!!"

"Oh, yes?"

"Please tell me why Carl?"

"Why did the genius chef do this? Why he must've wanted the biggest meat lovers' pizza ever."

"Carl"

"Maybe he had a big plate of spaghetti."

"CARL!!"

"I suppose we will never know."

"Carl...I...I'm going out, Carl."

"Don't tell me you're Vegan now Paul and after I went through so much effort."

"Because... I... They... Um..."

Thunderchord sighed, sparks trailing from his hand as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "The thought popped in your head and you ran with it without ever once thinking about whether it was a good or even a helpful idea. Come on, Nigel, we've talked about this. You were doing so well. Your last three schemes had a purpose that wasn't just trying to see if it can be done. Yes, people can be crushed int giant meatballs, but why should you be the one to do it? How will this benefit you or anyone else?"

"This was a bad idea, wasn't it?"

"A very bad idea. Have you been talking to your psychiatrist about how to handle these kinds of thoughts?"

Nigel nodded sheepishly. "I thought I was doing really well. It should be easier than this, but the ideas always seem so normal and important until you find me and ask why, but it's like I can't even see that it's MSI until then. Even the other heroes who just come in and start tearing things apart don't snap me out of the fugue."

"You are doing well. You're still trying. That's more than we can say about most of the super geniuses who develop Mad Scientist Impulse. And look, you haven't actually hurt anyone yet, not this time. And you mostly stayed Nigel and didn't go into your Science Guy persona."

"That's true enough. Thanks, Thunderchord. Would you mind, if you're not too busy, that is, um... Would you mind helping me dismantle all this? And help get the people my drones kidnapped back where they belong? And maybe being moral support while I call my sponsor and my therapist and my parole officer?"

"Of course. I'd be a terrible hero if I flew away once the drama was done."

"For the same reason anyone does anything!" The god roared with rambunctious laughter, almost toppling over as he mocked the hero who questioned him, "Pure unadulterated BOREDOM." He paused for a moment before adding with a sly grin, "Totally didn't steal that one."

​

The brave hero looked on in disgust and awe at the abuse of power before him. In shock from the total disregard for human and sentient life alike.

​

"You're... sick!" He yelled angrily, prepared to launch into a impromptu speech, but was cut off with more laughter as the god summon a doctors outfit and a clipboard from thin air.

​

"And I'm afraid it's terminal!" He shot back as another complete belly laugh escaped him. Suddenly his jovial demeanour disappeared as was replaced by a much more... deadly one. "Oh, and there is another reason."

​

The seconds ticked on as the hero waited with baited breath, waiting for him to complete his sentence.

​

"FUN!" He screamed out, with a splitting smile and laugh that could rival the entirety of a big top circus tent after a clown had a partially horrible accident.

​

"You're kidding."

​

"I thought I was sick." He replied.

​

"Enough games, this ends now!" The hero yelled back, pulling the sword from his belt.

​

"OooOooh! My favourite part!" The demented god chuckled, before lowering his grin and forming small lights of power in his hands.

​

"Let's do this."

I sat there, pondering the question.

"But Im done already. Or, uh, I mean, you're the last one."

Her face drained of blood, "The... you... The Guild just told me about this. You did this in a matter of minutes? Why did you do this? Why!? Wh-"

She screamed gutturally as I began to crush her into the massive meatball with the rest. At least that was kinda funny.

I got to thinking again; Why DID I want to create a massive human meatball? I had an idea just moments ago and now I cant recall what I was going to do... Stupid distracting hero.

I looked up at the massive misshapen mass of bloody limbs and flesh Id crushed together, and scratched my head with a viscera encrusted hand.

"Well, I can't remember now that you ask. Not that answering you has any point."

Time to start over. Next time I should end them as soon as they start polluting... Alternatively I could optimize Octopi further... Hmmm...

"Why not?"

The hero looks at you. Confused, flabbergasted, disgusted. You can't tell what he's thinking, but you can taste all the emotions that go through the train of thought.

"Because it's madness," he says.

You shrug.

"Perhaps. But many great ideas start as madness."

"No, many great ideas start with creativity and ingenuity. That plan of yours? That is textbook madness."

"It is creative an ingenious," you answer. Quite literally, clapping back.

"Is this a game to you?" The hero asks, unable to keep in his amusing frustration at bay.

"Very much, yes. I quite like it. Today, I'll make a meatball. Tomorrow, perhaps it'll use every bird and bird egg that exists to make mayo. Next week, I'll use all plants that are alive to make some bread. Then next month, I'll assemble my gigantic and majestic gigantanormonous meatball sandwich."

"You are insane."

"Yes. But in my defense, I'm a ver insane creatively ingenious child."

"You're not a child," the hero snaps. "Your a grown ass person that doesn't seems to understand what the fuck they're doing."

"That's why you love fighting me," you sing. You giggle as you twirl around. You taunt him. "You just love beating me up for my crazy brilliant plans and locking me in the asylum. Then you wait for me to break out, crazier than when I went in. I'm only playing our game."

"This isn't a game!" The hero screams. "You are a danger to society and to yourself."

"And whose fault is that? Mine or my mother's? Mine or the asylum's? Mine or yours? Madness isn't hereditary, you see. It's causational. It's made by people who want you to go mad."

The hero looks at you blankly. He's disconnected himself from your first encounter. What began it all.

You were a grieving and in pain. You had nobody. You were lost. You were alone. You were desperate. You were dying. You still are dying. You've died. You've been dead for far too long.

You just wanted to end it all. But the hero approached you at the top of the building. He spoke to you. He consoled you. He dragged you away from the edge of the building. He cleaned your tears and hugged you. Whispered that everything would be alright. That you're safe. That the worst had already happened and tomorrow would just get brighter and brighter and brighter...

Then, because you had no one to turn for support or help, because you were homeless and lost, they sent you to the asylum.

You were surrounded by a sea of desperation and despair. You heard the screams each morning, each night and every afternoon. The staff wasn't there to help you.

They were there to keep you isolated.

So you scaped. You scaped and tried to run away. You attempted to rob a store, with nothing but a rusty knife you found in the trash somewhere. You were locked and returned to the asylum. No matter how much you had plead, your cries to not return to that place we're ignored. They had deemed you 'clinically insane'. A 'danger to everyone, including yourself'.

They tried everything to keep you calm and complacent. They drugged you. They shocked you. They locked you with no lights, water or food. They were vigilant while you showered. They forced you to be vulnerable, just to torture you with your deepest secrets.

So you kept running away. And they kept returning you there. Everyone of your attempts got more elaborated and extravagant and, yes, insane.

Because that's what they were doing. They were making you go mad. With each shock they gave you, they would repeat one phrase:

"You are insane," they would whisper in your ear. "You are dangerous to yourself. You need help. We are here to help you."

You knew it was bullshit, buy yet, you couldn't help yourself. The lie you were told became a reality that kept you trapped in your worst nightmare.

You became crazy. Turned a danger to everyone including yourself. And it wasn't a small threat of violence, like murder a seller or attack a person and beat them to a pulp. It was elaborate threats. The more elaborated being the gigantic human meatball.

The hero still stares you down from where he's standing. You keep the gaze until you can't take it anymore.

You break down.

You're, once again, that sea of desperation, pain and maddening loneliness you were before your life got worse.

"Kill me," you croak. Your eyes soaked in tears. You're standing oh so close to the edge of the massive meat grinder you built for your crazy plan.

The hero just keeps staring at you. The disgust and anger long gone. Slowly, he approaches you.

"It's okay," he says as he drags you away from the edge. "You're gonna be okay."

He takes you back to the asylum.

You are not safe.

“We’ll you see ‘hero’ I have a plate of spaghetti but they don’t make big enough meatballs for it cause apparently theres not enough meat in the world. So I said ‘sure there is’ and here we are” The hero looked puzzled like my explanation wasn’t good or reasonable. “Look, I’m a titan. That’s a whole different species, if I’m able to it makes sense for me to eat a bunch of humans as an accessory to my food.” The hero stopped for a second. “Your making a meatball out of humans” I nodded. “Okay your thinking of it as disgusting cause you yourself are a human but please note that I did leave a bunch of humans still intact so they can still repopulate and humans were already way to overpopulated so I’m doing a good thing.” They stared at my food nose turned back in disgust. “Why aren’t I part of ‘it’ then?” I let out a hollowed laugh. “Your one of the only mortals who know of my existence, where would be the fun in that? Now I’m getting hungry and I think it’s about time for you to leave.” They just stood there, obviously thinking. “Leave” they scattered off and down my mountain.

"Where did you even get wind of this plan? One of my crew squeal on me? Was it Johnny tight lips? I bet it was him. Always yappin'." None of the coppers had given me a straight answer during the long interrogation, so they brought in their errand boy, Mr. Amazo. The golden god of the city, a real boy scout. We'd had our run-ins before, but nothing like this. Mr. Amazo looked confused, it was out of character.

"Stop trying to deflect the question Butcher! I looked into your financials, you've been buying a lot of industrial sized meat grinders, along with spices and tomato sauce in bulk. The police have already confiscated them for evidence. You're going away for a long time, just tell me why? Why a human meatball?" Mr. Amazo slammed his hands on the metal table, leaving behind large dents.

I shook my head, Mr. Amazo may be super fast and strong, but super intelligence was not part of his repertoire. "You got it all wrong, I'm going legit. Gonna get into that business where you make meat out of vegetables. People are tryin to eat healthier nowadays. Figured I could make a quick buck. The human meatball thing was just a joke, part of the brainstorming session I had with the underlings about our new business venture."

Before I could say another word Mr. Amazo grasped me by the collar of my butcher's smock and slammed me against the wall, breaking the handcuffs and flipping the table in the process. "You expect me to believe that Braylene the Butcher is going legitimate? Leave the jokes to The Jester, you're going to be in the cell next to him. I'll make sure of that."

I kissed Mr. Amazo on the nose, he always liked that. I think he has a thing for me. "That's cruel and unusual punishment, never gonna happen. Can't a girl start a small business in this town without everyone thinking I'm up to something? I ain't carved up nobody in years, last one was your sidekick if I remember correctly. What was his name again?"

I was tossed across the room like I was yesterday's garbage. Mr. Amazo yelled in anguish as he bent the metal table in half. Must have touched a nerve with that one. I smiled at him, he glared back.

"You're filth Butcher! Stop lying to me! How were you going to do it? Grind them up alive!? Use the meatball as some biological weapon!? ANSWER ME!" Mr. Amazo punched a hole through the one way mirror, the coppers on the other side spilled their coffee and doughnuts. I helped myself to a glazed doughnut, little stale.

"Do you cook?" I asked as I chomped on the doughnut.

"No, solar radiation sustains me. Everyone knows that."

"No wonder you fell for it then. Do you know how much effort it would take to make a meatball like that? The amount of eggs and breadcrumbs I would need for stabilizers. It would be impossible to get the spices right. Where am I gonna find a stove that big to finish cooking it in the sauce? What would I do with the bones? Make the world's biggest pot of stock to go along with the world's biggest meatball? I know my rights, you can't keep me here much longer. Now there ain't no clocks in here but it should be happening right about now." Hopefully the boys followed my instructions like I told them to.

"What are you rambling about?" Mr. Amazo demanded. I laughed in his face.

"You coppers want to turn on the news in there?" I politely asked the boys in blue on the other side of the shattered window. They turned on a small tv, their eyes widened. With lightning speed Mr. Amazo was watching along with them.

A look of fear and anger crossed Mr. Amazo's face, he turned up the volume so I could hear.

"Breaking news coming from downtown, police forces are engaged with a mob of protestors heading towards central lockup. The protestors are all dressed in meatball costumes. Our eye in the sky helicopter is providing the footage you see here......." The newsfeed cut off.

I poked my head through the glass. "I forgot to mention something, Putrid Paula let me use some of her mind control dust, dumped in the reservoir this mornin. You might want to go take care of that, it's only gonna get worse. Should have been more clear, not gonna turn everybody into one big meatball, gonna turn everyone into their own meatball, and I'm the cook plating out the spaghetti."

Mr. Amazo flew out through the ceiling. The coppers let me go, they were already under my control. Once my meat minions multiplied, I was gonna have seven billion loyal customers, I was set for life. Mr. Amazo would be under my thumb eventually. The rioting city streets sang the song of profits.

I continued to roll the ball, nearly head height now.

“But, why?”

The human had a look that I’ve heard described as confusion, but have never seen myself.

Nor do I deign to answer the human. The ball is all that matters.

Now standing atop the rapidly expanding orb, I continue to roll the ball. Underneath my feet, it has begun to collect vehicles in addition to the screaming pedestrians.

The hero seemed to grow…angry—at least, that’s what I think it’s called. “As Defender of the World, I—Iramatak the Blessed—have no choice but to stop you, extra-terrestrial!”

Green light began to emanate from the hero’s hands, and he flew towards the ball.

But the ball was strong. With a scream, Iramatak joined the rest of his kin, crushed beneath the weight of the first building uprooted from the street.

And I continued to roll the ball.

(i want some drama) — Why? Because that's what they deserve, after all I've been through, all the humans i have known are nothing but cold-blooded soulless pieces of meat. You know? The demons i met in the deepest hole of hell weren't even half as cruel and monstrous as humans are.

—Yeah, humanity is shit but, a meat ball? Seriously? —The hero laughed struggling with the chains around his wrists playfully.

Looked at him with disgust in the flaming red eyes. —Even you, the one human i respected for his faith and sacrifice, you all as a whole, you all shall together melt in a giant meatball, almost as giant as your sins; because you are nothing more than that, a piece of meat who overestimate its own importance and power.

Thats when the hero realized the seriousness in the demon's goal, and felt his breathing cut with fear.

I promise my writing is better in Spanish and not that ridiculous.

"I have grown hungry in my years of hibernation, Sollus." I said, scratching my neck. "Do you know what I do when I'm hungry?"

"... You're sick."

"Answer the fucking question, Sollus." I demanded, still scratching, as the pale white skin I scratched turned red.

"...I don't know."

"I eat." Then, parts of the skin on my neck started peeling.

Scratch.

"What the fuck?!" Sollus yelled, grasping his sword.

Scratch.

I smiled cruelly, laughing.

Scratch.

"Oh~ that scratch hits the spot." I taunted, leaning forward.

Scratch.

I stood and walked towards Sollus, who fumbled with his sword.

Scratch.

I walked past him and put my arm down.

"I have satisfied my itch. I will feed, Sollus!" I screeched, then I jumped off the tower.

Then, a green light burst from where I fell. Sollus started to levitate towards the light.

As Sollus looked around, he noticed other people levitating towards him.

He realized my plan too late.

Now before you start judging me with such disgust, hear me out. You are obviously unaware of the gravity of the situation. There's more life in the universe than what's just on Earth.

Some life forms are mere amoeba, some are intelligent, and some are average just like you and I. I've been a part of REDACTED institute for 34 years now. We've kept our discoveries under wraps, due to the uproar that would inevitably occur between various belief systems.

I can tell you, we've made some fascinating discoveries in the vastness of the universe, but after a while, it gets boring. Yes, there are billions of other species out there, each surviving their environments in their own unique ways. That's all it is though. Life... Eating, excreting, and reproducing. Nothing spectacular.

That was, until 2021. We had just finished a meeting, celebrating the launch of one of our best probes towards the REDACTED galaxy, when we get a "blip" notification. Something was moving beyond, on the radar.

I don't know how to describe this "something" in a physical sense. It was just a dark mass, yet it moved with intent. We witnessed as it skimmed over planet REDACTED, like it was searching for something. Whatever it was looking for it didn't find and traveled on.

We changed our route to follow this... Thing. A couple of months pass, and it "thing" arrives at planet 2. This is a planet happens to be inhabited by our closest intelligent living beings. They are best described as giant jellyfish, with the smallest life forms being that of 300ft tall, and their technology far surpasses our own.

We watched as multiple laser-like lines sprawled out from various positions on this planet. This did not hinder "thing" one bit. It cast a shadow, engulfing the whole planet, and slowly melted into it, dissolving it like acid. What a terrible way to die!

Half of the office started puking. I admit, I was one of them. Then reality kicked in after the shock. If even these intelligent beings couldn't stop it, what is our fate?

While keeping an eye on "Thing", we were also scrambling to figure out a way to defeat it. We watched helplessly as it moved from planet to planet. It passed up the barren planets, but completely devoured those with life. It was getting closer by the minute.

Understandably, we couldn't inform the public. Could you imagine the panic that would ensue? We were without hope. "Thing" just approached the edge of our solar system 2 months ago. After so many barren planets, it was behaving like it was in a frenzy.

We're doomed anyhow, don't you understand? Thus led to my decision to make a huge human meatball to launch into space to divert it in another direction. (don't worry, we only used the idiots). Do you have a better idea, hero?

"Why? Why!" The hero's rival cackled in amusement, arms outstretched as he looked into the red sky. "Because!" He began, eyes gleaming with menacing delight as his tall, lanky body skipped towards our protagonist. His bouncing hair was unruly as though he'd been struck by lightning, yet the severity complimented his sharp snout and jaw which stuck outwards towards his adversary. As he came closer the scent of decay clung to his maroon suit, adding to the madness of his overall being leaving a sense of dread with every joyful hop. "Because my dear brother! IKEA!" The fighter stopped in his tracks, lowering his gun to the floor in a moment of pure and utter disbelief. Surely he misheard the man before him? Surely?
"Ikea? As in the Swedish furniture shop?" He stuttered. "What the bloody hell does that have to do with anything!" "You don't remember?" Hurt laced the miscreant's words like barbed wire, adding a sting to every whine he emitted. "Remember what, Adrian! What am I meant to remember? You're about to turn my fiancé into a meatball! What am I not getting about this whole thing!"

In an instant, the hero remembered and pleasant memories of their childhood together came flooding back like a tidal wave. IKEA, of course, how could he forget those summers when the pair sat inside with those warm clumps of meat resting in their bellies? Always hungry for their next adventure in the land of fake bedrooms and kitchens, only to then be treated to the best meals of their lives.

Leo never forgot watching as his brother returned from the line with an empty plate, eyes watery and lips shakey as he declared, "They ran out of meatballs." From that day forth, Adrian changed. He grew frantic, never ceasing his ramblings on how to make the perfect ball of mystery meat. His bedroom walls were covered in recipes and equations, desperately pleading with a force higher than him to rescue him from his meaty madness. Yet no one came. No solution was found... Until he realised the perfect way to make the most delicious meal that would last even after he'd passed from the mortal realm; he would have to make everyone into his delicious treat.

"Humans are a plague on this planet. We're going to end up either killing it and ourselves or discarding our mother like the spoiled entitled children we are. I won't stand for it" I shrugged.

"You know I can't let you do this" Sorcha grimaced, tightening her grip on the magical sword in her hand. Dam thing was terrifying, you could feel the power crackling off of it, and in the hands of a master like her it was all but impossible to avoid.

"Oh I know, that's why I didn't let you stop me" I sighed, raising my hands in surrender. She narrowed her eyes and advanced slowly, looking over my instrument panel with a suspicion.

"But I did, stop you, this machine hasn't been activated" she smirked, realizing it's inert state, before slashing her sword through the interface. It sparked and sputtered, but didn't really do much.

"You ever try to stop a speeding train with one brake? Doesn't fuckin work" I sighed, stepping quickly into the protective faraday cage I'd designed for myself. I left the door open, hoping to lure my former paramour inside, but she wasn't taking the bait. "Any engineer worth his salt believes in redundancy. Nine labs much lower key than this have been activated around the globe. Used the CIAs registry of the mentally disturbed to find former cult members absolutely willing to die for a cause. If even one of em pulls the trigger, this cage and a couple of others will be the only place on earth where humans survive in..." I checked my watch for a countdown and smiled. "Eight Seconds. I can't stop it my darling, so you can either join me in the new world and have a chance to see it or perish with the rest" I smiled, grabbing the handle for the door. Her eyes widened in panic, and then I saw the rage. It would take her four seconds to cross the room, either to kill me or join me. When I saw the sword begin to rise I knew which one she'd chosen and used my free hand to fire the tazer. I knew she'd parry it expertly, but it would burn three seconds. I slammed the cage shut and flopped back on the floor, closing my eyes with a heavy breath. The pulse wasn't audible, and was impossible to feel in my little bubble of safety, but when I heard the sword clatter to the floor I knew it had gone off.

"And the sun rises on a grateful planet" I whispered to myself, pushing to my feet to go and survey my new kingdom of ghosts.

I looked at him with a sly grin. “Why not.” He just stared at me with the absolute confused look I’ve ever seen. “But why not be like other villains. The Freeze Master wants to freeze the earth like his cold heart. And Trickstop wants to be like joker.” I sigh in dissatisfaction and disappointment. “Yea but that’s BORING. I want to do something new and inventive.” “But a meatball…. really.” “Yes what villain would think of a meatball as its grand scheme.” I laughed maniacally. “It’s absolutely perfect and frankly, my best work yet.” “More like absolutely dumbest piece of work.” The hero says under his breath.” “I heard that and because of that you’re the first going in the meat grinder.” -fighting ensues.

Welcome to the Prompt! All top-level comments must be a story or poem. Reply here for other comments.

Reminders:

>* Stories at least 100 words. Poems, 30 but include "[Poem]" >* Responses don't have to fulfill every detail >* See Reality Fiction and Simple Prompts for stricter titles >* Be civil in any feedback and follow the rules

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