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PracticalDadAdvice t1_itxeb40 wrote

"So, how's school going?"

"Good, sir," I mumbled behind a mouthful of mashed potatoes.

"Jesse's doing well in his classes," Sedah spoke up. "He's on the honor's track for next year."

"Oh, that's nice," said Sedah's mother. "More potatoes dear?"

They tasted like wet sandpaper and dirt. I tried to smile.

"No thanks, I'm pretty full."

"Really?" her dad chimed in. "You've barely touched your corn."

The corn oozed and bubbled slightly. My smile became a bit more strained.

"What can I say? I'm a bit nervous."

"No reason to be nervous," said Sedah's mother. "It's nice to finally get to meet you. Sedah's been so secretive about you!"

"Moth-errrr..." Sedah groaned.

"Now, now, don't tease them, dear," came her father's deep, rumbling voice. "Jesse seems like a nice enough boy. Play any sports?"

"N-no sir," I said.

"Well, what do you do for exercise? Fitness is very important in this family."

"Oh my god, dad..." Sedah looked mortified.

"Um, I run and do some VR training. Most of my extra-carriculars are in art and sciences."

"Ah, a science wiz!" he boomed. "What kind of projects are you working on?"

"N-nothing special. A rain recycler, right now. Trying to help out with the water shortage."

"Well, good for you," said Sedah's mom from the kitchen. "If everyone's finished, I've got dessert ready. Jesse, would you mind giving me a hand?"

I went into the kitchen and she presented me with four bowl of... ice cream? I think? Except mine was blinking at me.

"I... um, I don't..."

"Is everything all right, dear?"

"Yes, sure, I'll just get these out to the table."

I sat in silence, staring at my bowl. It stared back at me.

"So..." said her father. "Let's get the awkward question out in the open."

Sedah stood up.

"Dad, no. Enough. Jesse's a nice boy, he's nice to me, and we're dating. Your little girl is smooching a boy and you both need to deal with it. Jesse, will you be nice to me?"

"Of course I will."

"There. Done. Bye."

Sedah grabbed my hand and pulled me away from the table into the other room where we sat down on the couch.

I could hear her parents talking in the other room.

"Well, he didn't run screaming."

"And he was telling the truth."

"Looks like Sedah picked a good one, then."

She put her head on my chest.

"Sorry about them," she said. "After they retired from hero-ing they both can get a little playful with their powers."

"Powers?"

"Yeah," she said, sitting up. "You didn't know Mom and Dad used to be part of the Vigil?"

I was stunned.

"I had no idea," I said. "What are their powers?"

"Dad's an illusionist, makes people see, hear, experience things sometimes."

"Son of a -"

"What?"

"Nothing. What's your mom do?"

"Human lie-detector."

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Corsair_inau OP t1_itxenbp wrote

Not sure which would be worse... the opertunity for dad joke illusions or not being able to lie and tell your mother in law how her cooking really is...

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Kingofdeadpool1 t1_itya5jn wrote

What makes this especially funny is that it implies that the mother was fully aware of how bad her cooking was. And that that was part of the test was lying to be polite

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FirstSineOfMadness t1_ity9qp0 wrote

“Well thank god neither of them have x-ray vision…” anxiously clutching his hat and the 2 small horns hidden underneath

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ChloeWrites t1_itydskc wrote

Part 1

"Let's get ready to eat!" Mr. Hill placed a plate of veggies on the table next to the chicken, rice, and gravy, taking his seat across from us.

"Yes! Chow time!" Lizzy quickly filled my plate and hers before digging in.

"Woo! Thanks for the food, Mr. Hill." I began eating each morsel, enjoying the mix of the freshly ground spices on the chicken, covered in rice, and the warm smooth gravy. Every bite was nothing less than flavorful and the carrots and potatoes were to die for.

"So... Annabelle, what do you do for work?" Mr. Hill had already downed his first plate, preparing for seconds.

Lizzy gave me a worried look, but nodded, her dad not noticing.

"My team and I are working on a cure for Nightshade... No one should have to live in darkness... Fearing the light... It doesn't make sense."

Mr. Hill chuckled. "Ah, to be young and... Naive. Perhaps some of the best things can only be found at night, with the sun's light reflecting off the moon. It's how I met Lizzy's late stepmother... Dr. Irene Callihan. She was a wonderful woman and... I miss her dearly..."

My utensils clattered to the floor and my mouth fell agape. "H-How did you know my mom?"

Lizzy gently wrapped her arms around me, holding me tight. "I'm sorry, babe..."

Mr. Hill stood and took our empty plates to the kitchen, placing them in the sink before sitting back in his chair moments later. "I am Nightshroud." Mr. Hill snapped his fingers. His entire body exploded into pure darkness. Nothing more than pitch-black shadows and a faint red glow where his eyes were.

"W... Lizzy?! Your dad... He is who my team has been trying to fight for years... And you kept this from me the entire time we have been together?!" I stood up, fueled by pure rage, and started walking towards the door.

Lizzy wrapped her arms around me tightly, not letting go. "You don't understand, honey... My dad isn't the enemy. He is the nicest, most gentle soul you'd ever come across."

I stood still, shaking. "She never said anything about getting remarried!"

"She was afraid you would act exactly as you are now!" Nightshroud cleared his throat if he even had one. "Apologies. Please, sit... I'll explain everything if you give me the chance."

"How do I know I'm not being lied to? How do I know you won't kill me like you did my mother?!"

"Lizzy, come here, please." Nightshroud walked over and sat on the couch.

I sighed and reluctantly walked over and sat with Lizzy in the middle and her "father" on the other end. "Spill it..."

Nightshroud snapped his fingers as his ghastly form began to turn into a ball of shadows in the center of his palm. "Lizzy, it's time."

Lizzy nodded and grasped the shadow ball. It slowly started to assimilate into her body. "It's okay, babe. Dad's powerless now."

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jardanovic t1_itzbd4c wrote

"Really, dad? You gotta do this now?"

Max's dad shrugged, causing the cabinet he was lifting in one hand to briefly scrape the ceiling. "What? I couldn't find my watch. Any hero worth their salt keeps their Situation Alert Messenger on them at all times."

Max rolled her eyes and replied, "Right, and I'm sure you totally didn't drop it under the trophy cabinet on purpose to intimidate my girlfriend when she came over for dinner."

Max's dad laughed as he set the cabinet back down and took his seat directly across from me. I coughed nervously and said to him, "That was pretty impressive there, Mr. Hubert. Uh, sorry, I meant Vanguard Red. What was that, a couple thousand pounds?"

"Correctimundo! About six thousand to be precise. I had it rigged up with some spatial distortion tech, makes it very heavy. You know, I think my favorite souvenir in there is the head of that one robot when I was just starting out. Must've knocked that sucker's head clean into the next county over! Bam!" Max's dad punctuated the impact with a quick punch in the air.

Max's mom frowned and remarked, "Oh Steven, will you cut it out? You're making Courtney feel uncomfortable." She then turned to me with an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry about him, he gets overprotective."

I waved my hand dismissively. "Ah, don't worry about it, Ms. Oleander. I'd be the exact same way when it comes to someone as lovely as Max. You know, if they existed." Max giggled and kissed me on the cheek, leaving a barbecue sauce lip print behind.

Max's mom cooed over the two of us, then gently elbowed Steven in the ribcage. Steven sighed and remarked, "Alright, alright, I'll stop. Right after I tell you about the time I battled the White King on the--"

BEEPBEEPBEEP! BEEPBEEPBEEP!

Max glanced down at her own S.A.M. and said, "Oh crap, Warmouse and Golden Ox just broke out of jail! I left my uniform in the car, I'll be right back!" Max then got out of her chair as a light blue portal appeared on the ground and she gently hopped into it.

Steven then turned to me and continued, "Anyway, the White King on the--"

"Actually Mr. Hubert, I don't mean to interrupt, but could I have the last of the milk?" Steven frowned but handed me the mostly empty carton. I spun the cap off and started chugging the whole thing.

I felt the effects rush through my body almost instantly. Muscle fibers tensed up and got larger as a newfound weight settled into my bones. A tingling sensation filled my ears as they began to change shape. And lastly, I felt pushing from beneath my skin as my horns and tail grew in. By the time the carton was empty, I had an extra foot in height, the physique of an Olympian, and a trio of assorted bovine features.

Steven's eyes were wider than a sumo wrestler's waistband. "Courtney, you--you're the--"

"Milkmaid? Yes, Mr. Hubert. Yes I am."

Steven looked over at his wife, who he now saw was smirking, and said, "You knew about this?!"

Ms. Oleander shrugged. "We wanted to surprise you."

A new portal opened up on the ceiling, depositing Max, now in her Express uniform, onto the floor. She quickly ran over to kiss both of her parents on the cheek and say, "Back in a bit, guys! Don't start dessert without us!" With that, she grabbed my hand and teleported the both of us away. Though not before I said to Steven, "And FYI, I haven't benched anything as low as six thousand pounds since I was thirteen."

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TSIDAFOE t1_iu10zof wrote

"So...how long have you been dating my daughter?"

Mr. Miller's eyes were cold and unblinking as he stared across the table. His tone was harsh and flat, like a person administering a lie detector test.

"Well, uh, we've been friends for years--" Justin stammered "it was a gradual thing that eventually...."

Mr. Miller squinted slightly in irritation, a dull red glow appearing behind his eyes. Justin swallowed hard.

"Three months...officially."

"Hmm." His tone indicated neither belief nor disbelief, but he resumed eating, and Justin followed.

"Do you have powers, Justin?" Mr. Miller said, after several tense minutes of silence.

Justin nearly choked on his drink. His heart started to race.

"Daaaaad" whined Olivia "you can't just ask people if they have powers, some people don't like talking about it"

Images and repressed memories flashed before Justin's eyes. He remembered the beatings he received as a child, from his strict religious parents, when he displayed his powers for the first time-- the screaming, the bible verses he was forced to write over and over, the brief image of a leather belt. Justin could hear the blood rush in his ears as he tried to formulate a response. A hairline fracture appeared in his glass, just large enough for Justin to notice.

Mr. Miller had not moved his gaze, his eyes were like daggers, burning into Justin's soul.

"It's...uh, complicated" Justin said, not wanting to lie, but not wanting to tell the truth.

"No it's not" Mr. Miller responded aggressively, with a hint of amusement "Do you or do you not have powers!"

"DAD!" Oliva snapped

Justin's hands trembled. He really didn't want to talk about his parents on his first meeting, much less tell them about his abilities. He tried to speak but the words didn't come out, it was like an elephant was sitting on his chest.

"Dinner's ready!" Mrs. Miller entered the dining room with a large thanksgiving platter, complete with turkey, a boat of gravy, mashed potatoes, and stuffing made in a bread pan. She made her way to the table, but tripped over Ruffy, the Miller family dog, falling and launching the platter into the air.

"NO!" Justin yelled as he outstretched his hand. The platter, it's contents, and Mrs. Miller all froze in air, floating like the gravity had been turned off.

Mr. Miller raised an eyebrow.

Justin closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and relaxed slightly. He waved one hand slowly and moved the other into a fist, and the platter reconstructed itself, exactly as it had been. With a wave of one hand and an upward motion of the other, he carried the platter to the table, and put Mrs. Miller back on her feet.

"Telekinesis, huh?" Mr. Miller tilted backwards in his chair looking slightly bemused "and exceptionally good control for someone your age. Who taught you?"

"I taught myself. My parents..." Justin sighed, there was no avoiding it now, "My parents think powers are the work of the devil. They're, uh, pretty strict."

"That's a shame" Mr. Miller replied with a hint of sadness "you're very talented". For the first time, his expression changed from cold to sympathetic.

"Thank you, sir"

"Ah!" Mr. Miller waved his hand, his expression softening, "no need to call me sir, Dave is fine. Come by it honestly, I'm glad you came today. My daughter thinks highly of you, and the amount of control you show over your power, especially one so prone to emotional volatility as telekinesis, shows me you have a good head on your shoulders"

Justin smiled. Dave smiled back, before rapidly changing his gaze and firing a laser beam from his eyes across the table at Justin's glass, welding the hairline fracture back together. Justin flinched.

"Your control still needs work though, and if you ever need a mentor" he looked to Mrs Miller, who smiled and gave a small nod of approval "well, you know where to find me"

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